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Dh had a vasectomy after baby #5 . Honestly, it triggered a really bad case of PPD. I was not ready to be done and I know it sounds crazy, but it felt like hearing my death knell. I had built this identity and it felt like the ending of a part of my life and I wasn't ready for it. I'm still bitter and very angry about it. I'm really sick of people telling me to stop dwelling and to move on, but partly it's chemical and partly it's that my feelings should be seen as freaking valid, KWIM? Why are my feelings not valid, but his are?
Then family and friends dealt with my ppd terribly-which is to say not at all and told me to suck it up. Nearly 4 years later and it's still lingering. I feel...cheated of my life and who I thought I was and what the future held. Of course I'm happy and feel lucky for my children. I was told I'd never have kids to begin with and they are my little miracles. But I feel resentful that I didn't have a choice in the matter and that my feelings do not count here and are not seen as valid.
I keep being told to make the most of what I have, but when you're in that dark hole, it's really freaking hard. I try, but I can't even really come on to MDC often because I see pregnancy DDC discussions, and babies, and it just reopens that wound. I think partly it hurts so much because I don't remember so much from the first two years with PPD. It's like a hole in my memory that I will never regain and it makes me feel like a failure.
Would anyone like to join in and discuss? Commiserate?
Then family and friends dealt with my ppd terribly-which is to say not at all and told me to suck it up. Nearly 4 years later and it's still lingering. I feel...cheated of my life and who I thought I was and what the future held. Of course I'm happy and feel lucky for my children. I was told I'd never have kids to begin with and they are my little miracles. But I feel resentful that I didn't have a choice in the matter and that my feelings do not count here and are not seen as valid.
I keep being told to make the most of what I have, but when you're in that dark hole, it's really freaking hard. I try, but I can't even really come on to MDC often because I see pregnancy DDC discussions, and babies, and it just reopens that wound. I think partly it hurts so much because I don't remember so much from the first two years with PPD. It's like a hole in my memory that I will never regain and it makes me feel like a failure.
Would anyone like to join in and discuss? Commiserate?