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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
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<p>I am not doing anything to alienate my DD from her father</p>
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<p>I do however listen to my daughter and respond to her needs as much as possible. She often hates to leave for her parenting time with daddy. And has shocked me with some very harsh comments about her father's lack of commitment to routine parenting activities given her young age (not quite 6). She has told me she does not expect her father to support her education nor does she expect he will bother to ever show up for parent teacher interviews to hear how she is doing at school. I have made a point of never discussing my frustration about her fathers lack of engagement in her life with her or with anyone when she would have any chance of over hearing. These are her own thoughts and feelings about the situation. And only one example of the many times she has shocked me with her candid remarks about his failings. Getting to happily leave at exchanges to him is often very difficult but necessary given these are court mandated and I try to motivate her by getting her excited to spend time with the children that are at the other home. She also reports not ever feeling heard by them and describes herself outside of their family unit.  </p>
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<p>She also reports to me many conversations, without my asking, of her father and step-monster (truly how she acts even showing up at family court because she feels she is entitled to be involved in our court process contrary to family courts rules on the matter) have told her I am an "idiot" "stupid" etc. And telling me of situations that fall within the description of parental alienation from the very same information leaflet my ex presented me including highlighted passages during our last round of mediation in the fall. It seems he is following the highlighted sections as if they were recipe directions. But they keep persisting in the idea that I am parental alienating my DD. I am so tired of it all. Step-Monster has even gone so far lately as to post on a forum board that we all know and love <span><img alt="whistling.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332736268494_151" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/whistling.gif" style="width:35px;height:20px;"></span> that she is concerned her SCs will choose not to have parenting time visits as teen with the father because "bio mom"  (puke) is alienating the SC in the hopes of influence them not to see daddy.  </p>
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<p>I am SO SICK of it all and wish they could just stop the games and start taking our DDs needs into account as it stands I don't see this ever ending until DD is an adult and then maybe just maybe they will get she is her own person with her own thoughts and I have not been negatively influencing her but I have my doubts. Its so much easier to blame me then take responsibility for the result of their own actions. Currently counting the months until DD is 18 and I no longer have to force her to spend time with her father when she wishes not to.</p>
 

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<p>That sounds awful, I'm so sorry.  Your dd is very wise.  Sounds as if she sees exactly what's going on. </p>
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<p>Wait, are you saying that the step "mother" is posting....here on MDC about you and your dd??  I'm looking at her thread right now!  Wow, that is some piece of work.  Thank goodness for this private forum.</p>
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<p>The only advice I can think of is to just keep on being the awesome mom that you are, and to start documenting everything, all communications.  And print out and save the posts that you have identified as being by this woman, about you and your dd. </p>
 

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<p>Umm.... which thread?<br><br><span><img alt="lurk.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332801923309_160" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/lurk.gif"> </span></p>
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<p><span>  </span> <span><img alt="bag.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332801923309_461" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/bag.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>As for parental alienation, I"ve been accused of that a lot by the ex.  The irony is that like you, I"m trying to be positive while ex consistently chips away at dd's respect for him (and it's all things that I have NO hand in or even influence) but he's meanwhile talking terribly about me even to the point of right in front of me (and dd).  Calling me psychotic, mentally ill, and so on. It's frustrating. <br><br>
Sounds a lot like your situation.<br><br>
I have dd in counseling which is not only good for her but it means that she can talk about this to the counselor and the counselor can testify if need be (though she doesn't want to testify...) and better yet, ex pushed for he and me to have counseling together and that counselor has seen him doing the same things I've seen.  It's pretty clear who is the one doing the alienating.    Again, this is a third party person who can testify if needed. <br><br>
I doubt it'll come to being needed but... I'm grateful to have the backup and having the backup means that I'm less frustrated.  It doesn't end the frustration but it sure does help.<br><br>
Off now to lurk looking for the other thread...</p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>blessingscome</strong> <a href="/community/t/1348884/dealing-with-repeated-accusations-of-parental-alienation#post_16925973"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>Umm.... which thread?<br><br><span><img alt="lurk.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332801923309_160" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/lurk.gif"> </span></p>
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<p><span>  </span> <span><img alt="bag.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332801923309_461" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/bag.gif"></span></p>
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I won't link, but I think its in blended, and its about forcing teens to visit. Only its not about a teen. I hope that was cryptic enough to not get me in trouble with Steph, and yet not too much that you can't find it. (Don't post on it please, we don't want to out the OP)</p>
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<p><span><img alt="hug2.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332865702576_160" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"> That is quite a situation</span> and I understand how you want to make things better for your dd but you have to let her go.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>ZoeyZoo</strong> <a href="/community/t/1348884/dealing-with-repeated-accusations-of-parental-alienation#post_16927113"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p><span><img alt="hug2.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332865702576_160" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"> That is quite a situation</span> and I understand how you want to make things better for your dd but you have to let her go.</p>
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<br><br><p>I actually do everything I can to get her excited for the visits as much as I know she hates his parenting time most of the time and she feels unheard I keep hoping this will change. Hoping someday daddy will magically will start listening to our DD when she expresses her needs to him instead of shutting down and falsely blaming me of parental alienation . Only once he is able to do this do I ever see things getting better for our DD. The only involvement I have in her expressing herself is telling her when she comes to me with issues from him place/time is "Have you discussed this with an adult there?" and "Daddy's house/home has different rules you need to discuss this with him". Given his accusations I don't even feel comfortable role playing possible conversations as I would with her for other issues. </p>
 

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<p>Wow! I had always wondered if there was ever any overlap between Single Parents posters and Blended posters on MDC, and now it has finally happened. </p>
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<p>Mothers who have been in this situation, where your child dreads going for visits, do you find that it gets easier as the child gets older?  I would think that an older child would have an easier time of it, because with maturity they become better at explaining themselves and standing up for themselves in the chaotic other household. </p>
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<p>OP I read some of your posting history and your ex sounds insane.  I can't believe how often he has dragged you back to court...even though he just keeps losing...I guess some people just have too much money and time on their hands.</p>
 

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<p>It's gotten easier MUCH easier as my dd has gotten older.   Overall, she has a pretty good relationship with her dad and stepmom.  She is 14 now and is able to discuss problems/feelings about the situation.   I have always encouraged to talk to her dad about issues at his house and she does to an extent.  My ex and I have an above average relationship so that also helps in our situation.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>BabyBearsMummy</strong> <a href="/community/t/1348884/dealing-with-repeated-accusations-of-parental-alienation#post_16927806"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br><br><p>I actually do everything I can to get her excited for the visits as much as I know she hates his parenting time most of the time and she feels unheard I keep hoping this will change. Hoping someday daddy will magically will start listening to our DD when she expresses her needs to him instead of shutting down and falsely blaming me of parental alienation . Only once he is able to do this do I ever see things getting better for our DD. The only involvement I have in her expressing herself is telling her when she comes to me with issues from him place/time is "Have you discussed this with an adult there?" and "Daddy's house/home has different rules you need to discuss this with him". Given his accusations I don't even feel comfortable role playing possible conversations as I would with her for other issues. </p>
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<br><br><p>I reread what I wrote and not sure if it came off with the message I intended. I see you're doing all you can to try to make it the best situation possible for your dd and trying to protect her. No real advice (just some hugs) because I haven't had to deal with anything like that but I can relate to the desire to protect your child and want to see them happy. I can see why it's hard on you even without the craziness from your ex and his wife.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
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<p>ZoeZoo I  just needed to be crystal clear that I feel I am doing all I can to be as far away from PA as one can get. One never knows how they will be interpreted.</p>
 

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<p>blessingscome is right that a counselor who can testify or write letters is the only solution.  you may be scared about what the counselor will hear from your dd about your own issues, but as it stands counseling is the only real tool you have.</p>
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<p>here, the dv counseling center for kids sucks, but the catholic charities sliding scale counseling is good.  so ask around before you take her.</p>
 

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<p>I freak out anytime I hear a step mom call a MOM a birth mom.... PUKE.  I am so so so so so so so so sorry.</p>
 
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