[muse]

A man who I had an intense and complicated relationship/friendship with died 7 years ago in a mysterious way. Went swimming in a lake in peru where he was stationed as a biologist and never returned. I went through an intense grieving process, but it feels uncomplete. This man was my soul mate, no question about it for me. We always felt we'd known each other forever; part of what made things complicated between us. So even though he's not here I feel him pulling on me regularly. Sometimes it's in a positive inspiring way. He was a very inspiring man that I learned so much from. Other times it's like I'm being pulled to wherever he is. I went through a stressful few days just now, and had one night of waking up in the middle of the night, with some intense thoughts I won't go into. Well I just discovered that was his death day, and the following day was his birthday. It really feels like he is asking for something, needing something, however much i don't "believe" in that kind of thing. The man had an intense other worldy spirit about him even when he was alive, and his presence is still so strong. It was also likely a traumatic death after a traumatic few years before that. I'm just not sure what I do with it all, and how I keep firmly rooted in my day to day life when that is pulling on me...<br><br>
Anyone dealt with the "ghost" of a loved one?<br><br>
I should say also I've only dealt with one other death of someone close to me and that feels resolved and that she is ok. Very different.

 

[laralee16]

Did they ever find his body? Maybe that is what he is trying to "tell" you?(I say tell like that cuz he is not using words)

 

[muse]

no, they never did, and nobody knows what happens, though we all have our own theories. i've felt many "signs" from him letting me know it was more violent/traumatic than his mother would like to believe (understandably)...<br><br>
there was a memorial but no body, so we all felt as if he would just walk in at any moment. completely different than my friend's wake where i felt her "leave" her body.

 

[Catsinthecradle]

He is a lost soul, coming to you because he has no one else to come to. Don't resisit. Welcome him with open heart and mind. Listen closely to what he's saying. Focus on your feelings and what he's telling you. Just let it be. Accept it. It's OK.<br><br>
I'm still waiting for my mother's spirit to speak to me, but I guess she's not coming. It's been a year and a half now since she hastened her imminent death by refusing the treatment offered by her doctor. She never said good-bye. Her body was found, but not her spirit.

 

[Phoenix_Rising]

my aunt's spirit comes to me - i felt her there with me very strongly while i was laboring and have at other times too. her death was expected and while i was not there to bid her body good-bye i was able to speak with people who were there and loved and held her as her spirit passed.<br>
i hope you are able to figure out what this love is telling you.

 

[muse]

I did take some time the other day to just sit and "listen" or just feel what was going on. I started sewing something that makes me think of him. It was a good process to go through. I also went swimming in a lake (he disappeared in a lake in peru) and that was very therapeutic.<br><br>
I'm feeling now that maybe he is not hovering because he needs something from me - my sense more and more is that he is much more at peace - but to offer me something. Which I need right now, so I'm trying to pen up to that and accept it.<br><br>
All very abstract, but thank you for letting me talk about here without it sounding crazy...

 

[mamajessica]

I have had a similar journey with my boyfriends death (nearly 7 years also). The dreams are what do me in. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Lots of love and openess to you mama. I am not sure what it all means, but it feels so profound that maybe one day it will be clear.

 

[muse]

oh, yeah, the dreams...i have the recurring one where he walks in the room as if nothing has happened and we all tell him that we all thought he was dead and he thinks it's funny and is so blase...ouch<br><br>
hugs back to you, mama...

 

[mamajessica]

I have been thinking of you mama. Hope your journey is going well.