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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>Another one of my random questions. I know that dealing with unwanted questions and advice WHILE you are pregnant can be annoying and I am DEFINITELY looking forward for that to be ending. But I just realized that probably just as that is going to end, the unwanted advice and questioning of parenting and baby raising will start. <span><img alt="uhoh3.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/uhoh3.gif"> Does anyone have any good advice of how to brush it off or get people to bug off? Or is it something you just have to realize will be a part of life for a while?</span></p>
 

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<p>I think it is just something that happens. I work to surround myself with people who share a similar value system with me so that I can keep the negative and toxic out. However there is some that still makes it through. I just smile and walk away-or say shut up. Not the nicest but sometimes it is the only way.</p>
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<p>I just smile and nod.  Sometimes in my head I think, "Everyone has a right to an opinion.  It's just that yours is stupid."  LOL!  Babywearing gets comments, always.  Often negative about spoiling or suffocating the kid.  I try, try to remember that everyone means well, and has what they consider to be legitimate advice.  I try.</p>
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<p>The one that I tend to get a lot is not keeping the baby warm enough.  Even in warm weather people in the store would say, as I entered, "Oh!  That baby needs a hat/socks!"  I got tired enough of it that I would respond the same way every time, "Well, I figure that if he can't make it from the car to the door of Target survival of the fittest wins."  That's mean.  I'm going to try not to say it anymore.<span><img alt="redface.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="width:16px;height:16px;"></span></p>
 

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<p>haha. People are so funny. I was just looking into baby wearing and it made me think about how my mom always comments on how people pick up or hold their babies too much and they get spoiled,etc. I'm sure she will have her opinions that she thinks I will need to hear. Comes with the territory I guess.</p>
 

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<p>If its from a stranger I just ignore it or say "really thats nice" and walk away.</p>
<p>If its from someone Im going to be seeing in a semi-regular basis (like people at church) I go with "isn't it nice we can all have different opinions and raise our families differently.." then change the subject. Rinse repeat</p>
<p>If its from family I tell them that we are fine, the girls ped is continually impressed and overwhelmed by how healthy and advanced they are so why would I change it. Bring a doctor's opinion into the conversation and its enough to shut them up usually. If its not I got with "you had your chance to raise/will have your chance to raise your children, these are my children Im responsible for raising them". Or I spout out a random recent study Ive read, send them a link in an e-mail etc.</p>
<p>If its from a close friend I tell them to butt out.. But my friends tell me the same thing. its just how it goes with us.</p>
<p>If its from my husband I tell him to show me where it says whatever it is hes talking about. Usually he "heard it from someone at work" and can't find anything to support it.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sweeteleanor</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1290219/dealing-with-unwatned-advice-postpartum#post_16171212"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>The one that I tend to get a lot is not keeping the baby warm enough.  Even in warm weather people in the store would say, as I entered, "Oh!  That baby needs a hat/socks!"  I got tired enough of it that I would respond the same way every time, "Well, I figure that if he can't make it from the car to the door of Target survival of the fittest wins."  That's mean.  I'm going to try not to say it anymore.<span><img alt="redface.gif" height="16" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/redface.gif" width="16"></span></p>
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Oh please don't stop saying it.  That one is HILARIOUS!!!   *still chuckling*</p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>OkiMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1290219/dealing-with-unwatned-advice-postpartum#post_16171364"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br>
If its from my husband I tell him to show me where it says whatever it is hes talking about. Usually he "heard it from someone at work" and can't find anything to support it.</div>
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LOL  This occurs with me, too.  My DH figured out after the first one not to question me, because unlike him, I *have* researched it myself!</p>
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<p>I don't really remember hearing a lot of post-partum advice.  I'm glad for this thread though, and look forward to hearing some of the comebacks.  I had summer babies before, so dealing with temperatures has never been an issue.  However, I'm sure it will be now, so I'm looking forward to using the survival-of-the-fittest comment!! ;)</p>
 

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<p>laerk- I have too, which is why its so funny. He just goes with what his co-workers/mother/father etc tell him. I research everything obessively even after I form an opinion on it. As for having a baby in colder weather, both my girls were born during the "colder" months, neither would wear a hat, neither would wear socks. I just learned to ignore everyone's comments about it. Socks especially.. I figured if the baby is covered in a  blanket and being worn then whats the real use. Its not like Im taking them out in a blizzard, its in the 40s/50s here and we are walking from the car into the grochery store. I would say 99% of the time the girls don't even wear jackets.</p>
 

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<p>Glad to make you laugh!  I'll tell you though, not one person laughed when I said it to them!  I have a dark/off sense of humor and I'm afraid people don't really get it half the time and I end up feeling bad about making them feel bad or uncomfortable. </p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sweeteleanor</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1290219/dealing-with-unwatned-advice-postpartum#post_16171622"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a>I'm afraid people don't really get it half the time and I end up feeling bad about making them feel bad or uncomfortable. </div>
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<br><br><p>But that's why it's so funny! *Still laughing*</p>
 

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<p>Will this be your first child if so, you might hear alot. After DS was about 2 I think I stopped getting alot of "advice" and with my 2nd and now 3rd noone has said anything. The most I got was "yall doing the homebirth thing again"? And that was only from 2 people.</p>
 

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<p>i didnt really get a lot of 'advice' after ds or dd. if i asked for advice i would get some. i would get looks and under their breath comments about ds when he would be screaming in a store (he wasnt a baby anymore by that time) and i'm sure we still do get looks sometimes. i cant say i'm not tempted to follow those people around with my screaming kid until they leave the store. but when i'm trying to get through a door with 2 kids and im super pregnant and this older woman does everything she can to beat me out the door...come on now <span><img alt="hopmad.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hopmad.gif"></span></p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
<p>I just remember when I was at the clinic one time and a new mother was trying check in for her appt, bottle feed her baby, and take her coat off all at the same time, some woman looked at her and said, 'Well, if you would've just breastfed that baby you could just whip it out and have your hands less full.' And that was from a total stranger. The poor mom looked at her like if her hands weren't already full she probably would've punched that lady in the face.</p>
 

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<p>Yikes on the story Bailey! Yeah, breast is best but I'm pretty sure trying to keep your boob in a kid's mouth, sign in and take off your coat at the same time isn't going to make anything easier!! Sheesh!</p>
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<p>For the most part I just nod and smile and leave it at that, esp from strangers. I come up with great scathing remarks a few hrs later and make sure to tell DH all about them! I will say I tried the "You've had your chance to be the parent, now its my turn" line with my mother. If you are like me and have a mom who thinks that her way is the only correct way to do things and nothing will change her mind, you're wasting your time with that line. She retorted with "Its not about who's 'chance' it is, its about what's right and what's best!"<span><img alt="banghead.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="width:25px;height:20px;"></span> So I'd also try and come up with a few things that will work best for the unique people in your life. With my mother, I'm really required to just listen to it and complain with my dad later. I've come to realize that talking with her about what we are going to do before we do it (ie babywearing) makes it a lot easier for her to accept. Not so  much in a "this is what we're doing, butt out" way, but just bringing it into the discussion, very casual. "Oh, we've decided to try babywearing. Heard so many benefits about it! And it should make it easier to get stuff done around the house!" Ect ect ect.</p>
 
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