Mothering Forum banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
993 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
<a href="http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/" target="_blank">http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/</a><br><br>
Does anyone else find both the nanny's letter and Abby's response upsetting?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
959 Posts
The first thought I had was that perhaps these children are really mad at their parents for being away and leaving them with this woman!<br><br>
Who knows...it's really hard to know what is going on from stuff like this. But the strict style that it sounds like she had was a little uncomfortable. I know a lot of parents parent this way,but it somehow sounds different coming from a nanny.<br><br>
I dunno...strange.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,345 Posts
Well I thought less of the nanny than Dear Abby I guess...I'd hate to have someone working for me who was "too shy" to talk to me about *any* aspect of the kids! I'd also hate to think that the nanny was using a "method" which I didn't use as a parent! OTOH I think nannies sometimes are wiser than parents and can really help with discipline or other issues - well maybe not *this* nanny LOL - but I do have friends who have learned alot from their nannies. When my DD was small the nanny we had 2 afternoons a week did alot to help boost my confidence in how I was raising my daughter (holding her alot, potty-training, etc).<br><br>
That said, I don't think what the nanny is talking about is too unusual...I talked to a woman at a "paint your own" pottery place in the Outer Banks and she said that she sees people in there all the time who normally have a nanny for their kids but bring their kids on vacation without the nanny and then they have no idea how to handle the kids for long periods of time. She said the kids are running around and destructive and the parents say "I don't know what to do with them."<br><br>
I'm sure this is *not* every working family but I'm sure it does happen often enough that people notice...<br><br>
not sure if I'm making sense - but it was an interesting letter <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
peace,<br>
robyn
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,868 Posts
I thought the Nanny was really bothersome. Transitions are hard for kids, and the parents may have their own way of dealing with those tense moments. She seems arrogant and not sensitive or kind towards the needs of her little ones <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,145 Posts
What was upsetting about the nanny?<br><br>
She had a discipline method that worked for her and the kids, and there was no indication that the parents were not on board with it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
76 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br><br>
Violence is not a family value-- we wouldn't accept an adult kicking their children for doing something they don't like-- why should we accept that behavior in our children.<br><br>
I think time-outs works in the world of nannies-- but her methods did seem a bit simplistic (time out for everything-- personally I prefer discussion.)<br><br>
And the nanny asked 'Dear Abby' how to politely breech the subject of her concerns with the parent-- and Abby gave the advice she asked for. Abby didn't support or not-support the nanny's methods-- just answered her question.<br><br>
Anyhoo-- just my humble opinion.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,596 Posts
Yes, it bothered me too. Kids act out during transitions, and generally behave better for a babysitter than they do for parents because the relationship is different. It does not immediately indicate a failure on the part of the parents. The babysitter is too quick to judge.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,868 Posts
It bothered me because the Nanny was saying not-so-subtley, "I am a MUCH better parent than these parents are."<br><br>
Yes, violence is unacceptable. But she wasn't talking about trying to come up with transition solutions for tired, worked-up kids. She was talking about laying down the law with those parents because she was CLEARLY the superior care-giver. blah!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,649 Posts
Yes, I think this was a letter that wasn't really a question- it was more of a chance for her to brag about how effective she is and treat it like it's a problem. Forget what that's called but it's sickening.<br><br>
The post below that was really weird, too. Not mothering related but weird anyway.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,517 Posts
I read it. I think those columns are fabricated or composite. Every letter is written in the same exact way, including letters from "kids". And you'd have to be pretty brainless to write a letter to a newspaper column asking about how to discipline your kids, or your suspicion that your husband is dating someone else, or that your Aunt Betty is driving you nuts with her poor party etiquette and what should you do?? I'm pretty sure its just entertainment. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,674 Posts
I never allowed my children to kick or hit me. I never allowed tantrums to get what they want.<br><br>
This does not take any physical violence against the child, just creative minds and consistent patterns.<br><br><br>
Oh, right! Gentle discipline means the kids run the show, hmm?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,868 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>philomom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7980473"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I never allowed my children to kick or hit me. I never allowed tantrums to get what they want.<br><br>
This does not take any physical violence against the child, just creative minds and consistent patterns.<br><br><br>
Oh, right! Gentle discipline means the kids run the show, hmm?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
Uh...what does that have to do with the thread?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,388 Posts
I'm not sure which bothered me more -- the nanny's letter or Abby's response. I would be very upset if a nanny was using ANY discipline method on my children without talking to me about it first. And end-of-day transitions are very hard on everyone and the nanny seemed clueless. It is absolutely up to the parents how they want to deal with that time of day. And I don't remember seeing an age for these children -- while I am not automatically anti-time outs, they are not appropriate for toddlers, so I thought that missing info was really important.<br><br>
The nanny should absolutely talk to the parents -- about how the PARENTS want her to discipline, not how the NANNY wants the parents to discipline! Of course, the parents should have brought this up with the nanny as well.<br>
I think I blame all of the "Nanny 911" type shows that make it seem normal for a nanny to instruct the parents. Yet another reason to dislike those shows.
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top