[libranbutterfly]

Thanks for advice!

 

[Ollies_mama]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I hate to fuel the fire...but what a jerk!<br><br>
I would stand your ground I blame a lot on the "all mighty penis" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> you know like thats such a guy thing to do but my dh would never do that you really need to stand your ground!<br><br>
You deserve so much more...being a mom and a wife is hard enough without added bs!<br><br>
Hang in there!!!!

 

[Authentic_Mother]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>libranbutterfly</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7902433"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I may be taking this a little too _____(whats the word I'm looking for? I cant think right now<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> ) Saturday DD2 had to go to the hospital, and we had to spend the night. Sunday, he went to his brothers to play D&D, Monday he went to the movies with his brother, Tuesday, he went to his brothers for "just a minute" (4 hours) to play Arcanum, and yesterday his brother came over here. (We had a fight yesterday, and we cant talk when hes really mad) Today, the girls and I woke up, and DD2 had blood in her ears, and we needed to go back to the hospital. DH was at work, so I called his brother to drive us. He was at work, but he delivers pizza. His boss let him off for a few hours (one driver needed to leave for awhile anyways) so he stayed at the hospital with us. When we came home, DH was here, playing arcanum on the f$^#ing computer. He said he didn't know where we are (there is only one hospital in this town<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: ) I decided not to say anything, and just asked him to hold DD2 for a few minutes while I ate, b/c I hadn't eaten anything all day. He gets MAD! and says he had a hard day at work, and he was just trying to play a game and wind down. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: WTH??<br><br>
I tried to talk to him about it, and he turned it into an argument, and then he said to just quit talking to him so he didn't get too mad.<br><br>
I love him, and I am really trying to work things out, but I don't know how much more of this I can take, esp. with DD2 being so sick lately, I need more help and understanding than usual. Any advice? We really can't afford therapy, and I don't have anywhere to go if I decided to try a trial separation or something to that effect. Please help me!</div>
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You may not like what I have to say but hear me out on this. When I first got married hubby's good friend gave us for a wedding gift, and x-box <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"> Then hubby proceeded to start playing that damned thing for HOURS at a time...which at first didnt bug me because we didnt have a child. He always told me he does it to wind down. I dont see how one can wind down blowing the heads off of people but whatever.<br>
After we got DD (we adopted) about 4 months in he would spend entire days and nights on that DAMNED system. I have never hated a piece of machinery so badly in my life. EVER. Finally I confronted him on it and he explained that he truly uses it to destress, and then while talking to a girl friend about it she said her hubby does it too sometimes. I thought video games were for children but apparently its becoming common for older men to be playing them to.<br>
Now, while I encourage you to accept that issue, I do NOT think it was right of him to behave the way he did in the middle of a crisis (no matter how small it could be). He needs to be in "the real world" when something is going on that needs to be dealt with or addressed. I make a rule with my husband that if he wants to do video games, he can do so AFTER the kid is asleep or while we are out. He can NOT play video games if the kid is asleep and we havent had any time together for the day. Im a real life person and Im more important than a character who never existed to begin with.<br>
I would talk to him about these things and I would definatly try couples counceling first as well. I would have HIM choose the councelor as well (because men have a tendancy to think the person just wants to take our side) and then go to that person and figure things out.<br>
I am sending lots of patience vibes your way and lots of "REAL WORLD LIFE get off your a$$" vibes to your hubby!<br>
ETA: Science has actually shown that most men cannot think about two things at once, and that is why video gaming will help them relax, they are focused on the game and cannot therefore focus on what is stressing them or upsetting them. They are not like women who want to talk about those things (unfortunatly)

 

[Warda_Rose]

I saw this from the main board and didn't wantto read and not post.<br><br>
That sounds really rough! Can you discuss it with him when neither of you is upset?<br><br>
I'm sure the sick LO are really stressful for both of you. Do you think he's "checking out" emotionally (playing the games) as his way of dealing with it? Can you guys get free counseling through a church or similar organization? Good luck to you all.

 

[shaykismama]

WOW! I don't really have any great advice bug wanted to offer some <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Wasn't he worried about his little girl at all?<br><br>
You know, it sounds like he may have an addiction to these games. So I'd say to salvage the relationship, those need to go. I personally can't stand those dang games, because I know how addicting they can be.

 

[lilylove]

Moved to Parents as Partners <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Jenlaana]

As someone who plays video games frequently (and still manages to be a competent mommy) and has a DH that games, I just wanted to throw another light on things.<br><br>
It must have been very rough on you having to go through that without his help. A lot of times, the people that I know that have played "too much" have done so as an escape from things in life. I did it for a couple of years when my life was really rough prior to meeting my husband, and my husband did the same thing after his friend killed himself and then his 2 best friends moved away from him. Even now, if finances get rough or life gets otherwise stressful, we play more, because it is a release. We never go overboard, because we have eachother to keep things in perspective, but its not always obvious to the person that is playing. Its not relaxing like soft music and massage is relaxing, but it is a way to step outside of yourself, and not worry about your problems for a few hours, which in itself I don't see as unhealthy, as long as it doesn't get out of control.<br><br>
It sounds like you are both going through a very rough time right now, and I wouldn't be suprised if that is what he is doing. Can you sit down and talk to him about it? Not in a "I hate that game get off it" kinda way, but in an attempt to reconnect and explain how scared/worried/etc you are about your babe and how much you need him?

 

[earthmama369]

That's unacceptable.<br><br>
Winding down for 1/2 hour - 1 hour after work on a regular day is one thing. Spending hours upon hours playing video games and computer games while you have a child in the hospital and your partner is shouldering all of the worry and work is something else entirely. Those are some seriously skewed priorities.<br><br>
I don't properly know how to address that in your relationship but I can tell you my experience. I lost a relationship over video game playing. When I realized I had just spent -- another -- weekend doing nothing but sitting on the bed and watching my boyfriend playing games with his buddies, I decided that as much as he was a nice, decent guy, this wasn't how I wanted to spend my life and he clearly didn't love me enough to want to spend at least as much time with me as with his games. We broke it off, and to this day we're friends but I'm glad I didn't stay.<br><br>
My dh likes to game, too, but we had The Talk early on about how I was affected by this past relationship. People come before things in my book. And dh agreed. He plays sometimes, but I've never seen him play for more than a few hours a couple times a week. Often he goes weeks without touching a game. If he wants to do a gaming marathon, he waits until we're in bed so he's not taking away from family time. When he's in the middle of a game and I need a hand with the kiddos, he'll find a good place to pause (and this never takes more than a couple minutes) and help without complaint. When I tell him I'm taking some time for my own hobbies, he doesn't begrudge the time and I know he's taking great care of our children, not half watching them while he does something else (like gaming). This, to me, is the difference between a hobby and an addiction.

 

[libranbutterfly]

He WAS doing better with the games, and only playing every other day or so, for a couple hours. BUT NOW, his brother got into this game, and got DH into it as well. The difference is, his brother is a single guy who lives alone, and he would still stop to help me quicker than DH. DH seems to know he has an addiction, but can't give it up. When we were moving, he packed up the game systems first so he wouldn't be playing games, and if we are in a really rough patch, he will sometimes put them in the closet, but then he's all "I support your interests" and trying to guilt me. I pointed out to himyesterday that the reason he doesn't ever complain when I go somewhere is b/c I take the kids with me. When he goes somewhere, the kids stay with me. He told me that he would watch them if I wanted to go out without them (and I could just let Lexi suppliment <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">), but he yells too much, and I dont like leaving them with him for very long. He seems to be a very detached parent, and is not open to ideas at all.

 

[newmommy]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>earthmama369</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7904406"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That's unacceptable.</div>
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Exactly.

 

[mommy68]

Wow, he sounds very immature. I would trash the video game if it were me, seriously! I am so thankful my DH has never had an interest in those things. Your DH didn't know where the hospital was? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"> ohhhh, mine really would've gotten an ear full for that one.<br><br>
And really now, why are you so worried about his habit with video games? Why aren't you dwelling more on the fact that its just unacceptable behavior and he needs to change and be a FATHER? Forget talking about the damn games, trash those. He needs to either grow up and help out around your home with your children and their needs or get out.