[yukookoo]

d

 

[Dandelionkid]

Well, when I felt dh and I were doing that all the time we went to counseling and it was the best thing for us. It got us out of the rut and gave us new ways of relating and a fresh perspective on what was causing the problems. It really drains the love- to bicker all the time- can you get to counseling?

 

[cappuccinosmom]

Quote:

I am not going to get divorced or leave over this. But It sucks to live like this. How do you solve conflicts basic dumb brother/sister fights over stupid things. It's like ALL DAY LONG EVERYTHING turns into a long drawn out argument....

Well....since you want to stay, two things.

#1. Don't be a **tch.

That absolutely feeds into it. You know that, and that's a good first step.

: The second step is to do the changing in yourself and quit it. It's not easy, but it can be done.

#2. Don't let a fight even get past the starting line. When he picks a fight, let it roll off your back, and do not ever let him get an emotional reaction out of it. Remind yourself that when you're fighting, nothing he says is a real indication of your value and character, and don't feel like you have to defend yourself or your position. If you are right, then you're right. Aruging won't change the fact that your right, and it also won't change his mind--it'll just give him more ammunition. When you pick a fight, stop yourself, take a deep breath, and say 'You know, I'm sorry. What I just said/did was wrong."

 

[Thisbirdwillfly]

You are modeling for your kid what marriage or partnership should look like. Once we realized that, we got into counseling right away. Our son was a toddler then, he's a teen now. We've gone to see two other counselors along the way.

If your H won't go into counseling, so by yourself.

My motto has become this, life is too short to waste it being unhappy when a solution exists.

 

[Needle in the Hay]

It seems like you are always trying to solve the problem when he complains and then become (quite understandably) annoyed by it. While I do agree counseling, at least for yourself if he's not willing, is a great idea, this can even be something you start working on right now. Next time he complains he can't hear the TV or whatever else, don't do anything about it, don't suggest anything he should do about it. Just take it as he's sharing info with you and you can be like "Oh". Let him solve his own problem.

It IS a power struggle and guess who will do anything to win it?

I totally get why you are being b*tchy even though I agree with the PP it feeds into it but I think your DP would do this anyway. It seems like your DP is the abuser and it pisses you off. You might want to read some verbal abuse books too, that can help to gain some perspective and maybe find other ways to deal with this stuff instead of doing the same old routine of trying to let it all go and praying for the week to start until you just can't take it anymore and you let loose on him.

You can get to a better place whether you stay or leave.

 

[kcparker]

Read Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg (check out the table of contents for an idea of what's in it). It's a great method for taking the rancor out of ANY kind of discussion. It sounds hokey, but even if only one of you can start doing it, it can change the whole dynamic of your communication. It even worked to get Palestinians and Israelis talking to each other effectively...