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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p> Hello again...</p>
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<p>QUICK background info: I had a BFP and 7 weeks into the pregnancy found out it was a blighted ovum. I didn't miscarry on my own so I took homeopathic remedies and my body finally purged at 10 1/2 weeks.</p>
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<p>I'm now on my third cycle since the MC. Every person around me is pregnant...I am so down in the dumps. We tried 7 months for the blighted ovum and lost three months of time during the whole ordeal. Now I'm on my third cycle since the purge and I just feel like there is no end in sight. DH is such a loving and supportive man, but he just doesn't get this. He keeps nonchalantly saying "it will happen when it's meant to happen." That's NOT what I want to hear right now. Those words just push me further into my funk.</p>
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<p>On top of this, this period I just had was only three days long...I am normally a 6-7 day bleeder. It was SO heavy on the third day and then just instantly stopped. On top of THAT, I'm having weird pinching sensations in my uterus area...I do not know what's going on with my body right now...I am so frustrated. I feel like my body is failing me. Before we started trying, I was a person who could plan ANYTHING around my cycle because it was so regular and predictable. I feel like I don't even know my body anymore...I need some words of wisdom/encouragement from some people who have been here. How did you get through all this?</p>
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<p>Thanks :(</p>
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<p>I'm so sorry for your loss.</p>
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<p>There are three things that helped me:  therapy, time, and a healthy pregnancy.  While I was getting therapy and waiting for the time to make a difference, I ate a lot of ice cream.  I turned the heat up higher than I usually would because I wanted so much to be warm (I get more depressed when I'm cold - freaky thing, but there it is).  I wore my favorite sweaters, oversized, soft, fuzzy things.  I bought some new favorite sweaters so that I wouldn't have to do laundry every three days.  I watched silly movies, and got my best friend to give me her recipe for potatoes with sake so that I could make them whenever I wanted.  I read and reread the condolence notes that friends had sent when I miscarried.  I started knitting a complicated lace scarf, because it kept me from thinking.  I applied comfort measures, and I cried a lot, and I had a lot of slightly desperate sex in the hopes that something would catch, and I gave myself permission to imagine anyone who said stupid things like "it'll happen when it's meant to happen" being smote down from on high.  Given it's your husband that's saying that, you might try explaining rather than just writing him off - assume that he means well, and that he's grieving too.</p>
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<p>If you have an understanding doctor or midwife, you could give them a call and ask for a follow-up.  Tell them that you're periods have been odd since the miscarriage, and you want some assurance that there isn't an underlying health issue.  If your doc or midwife isn't so understanding, I advise starting a search for a new doc or midwife.</p>
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<p>Be gentle with yourself, and ask for the help of people who love you.  I hope you feel better soon.</p>
 

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<p>I am so very sorry. My first pregnancy was also a blighted ovum, and I was completely devastated by the loss. My heart just hurts for you  because I remember exactly what it was like. Unfortunately, the only thing that truly did make it better was getting pregnant with my son. Since it took 4 cycles, I had a long time to be miserable, weepy, angry, and depressed.</p>
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<p>I really like all of MeepyCat's comfort advice! I also started a list of things I could enjoy doing if I wasn't pregnant that I wouldn't do if I was--like eating raw cookie dough, riding a roller coaster, going down tube slides at a waterpark. So every month when I got a BFN, I would pick something off the list and do it before the next cycle. It gave me something to look forward to, something to be happy about even if I wasn't getting pregnant.</p>
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<p>This time around, the day we found out the baby was gone, I told my DH, "I need to have a goal, or I'm going to go crazy." We started jogging with the intention to run a 5K or something, but I lost my motivation when it got too cold outside. So I set out to lose 5 pounds, not because I needed to lose weight but because I needed to control my body in some way, and I needed something to fix my mind on. It has helped me a lot.</p>
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<p>I think your DH needs to know how his words are affecting you. My DH absolutely made my funk worse. I know he was trying to be positive and upbeat, but I just wanted him to acknowledge my pain and not try to minimize it or say stupid things like, "Isn't it enough that you have me?" I just felt like screaming, "I want my baby back!" and nobody seemed to understand or care. After this last miscarriage, I would tell people left and right, "I don't need you to try to fix this, I just need you to tell me that you love me and you care." I think guys especially need to know that...they want to fix it for us. I know my DH was trying his hardest to pull me up, but what I really needed was for him to just sit down in the pit with me for a while until I could climb out on my own.</p>
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<p>Big hugs to you. I hope your BFP is right around the corner!</p>
 

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<p>sorry double post</p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through!  I don't want to scare you but I had to say something... It might be worth getting checked out by a doctor after having such a strange cycle. I had what I thought was a strange cycle with different bleeding than I am used to that also ended abrubtly like you described that later ended up being bleeding from an ectopic pregnancy. I had taken tests before that all were negative and didn't receive a faint positive until 1 week after this peculiar bleeding.  I just wanted to let you know that so that you could be aware in case, I ended up being in the life threatening situation of my tube rupturing and I guess I thought if that is the case for you maybe I could help prevent that. I couldn't just not say something. Anyway maybe its something that you could talk to your doctor about or maybe you could do an at home test to rule it out.</p>
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<p>Oh my goodness! I don't even know what that is...I will definitely take a test and see what it says. Were you in pain? Please let me know a little more so I can evaluate. I have been having weird "pinching" sensations in my uterus area. Unfortunately, I'm in the process of getting completely snowed in. I won't get a chance to get to a doctor until at least Tuesday so if you could please send me a few more details of how this progressed for you and what the signs were, I'd greatly appreciate it.</p>
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<p>Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention--Also, just to ease your mind, I'm not scared, but definitely aware now. I will surely keep an eye out! :)</p>
 

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<p>Ectopic pregnancy is when the baby for some unknown reason implants outside of the uterus. Most often in the fallopian tubes. The problem is that obviously the tubes were not made to stretch and grow and sustain pregnancy. The baby cannot survive and risks the mothers life. If the pregnancy goes undetected/undiagnosed and treated it can cause the tubes to rupture and result in internal bleeding that can be fatal. To treat this they can give you a shot (methotrexate) that dissolves the pregnancy or they might have to do surgery to remove it. The symptoms usually are unusual bleeding/spotting, pain on one side (it can be just twinges or like in my case excruciating pain from the tube stretching) and sometimes people  have gastrointestinal symptoms as well.</p>
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<p>You can read my story here: <a href="http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1285178/my-story-vent-and-some-questions">http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1285178/my-story-vent-and-some-questions</a></p>
<p>I updated multiple times as it all happened throughout the thread. That way you know the entire story.</p>
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<p>In the beginning I had no pain, just the unusual bleeding and pregnancy symptoms. Then as things got farther along I had a couple bouts of excruciating pain and bleeding that sent me to the er. I am glad that the ob I have is so persistent and kept a close watch on me or I really would have thought I was just miscarrying and would have internally bled to death. It is really hard to diagnosis an ectopic and they are usually not 100% sure until they open you up for surgery. It is extremely hard to see early on ultrasound and that is why they do the extensive blood testing. It is more common that most people think, around 1 in 100 pregnancies! I really never thought it could happen to me, yet here I am.</p>
<p>I hope you get answers soon. I hope with all my heart that you do not have an ectopic pregnancy and have to go through this pain again.  Please keep me updated on what happens and how you are doing!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
<p>Thank you for the further details...I have no pregnancy symptoms. In fact, I am charting so I know that I am not pregnant because of my temps (they are low). So I think I am safe--even though I am new to charting. I appreciate so  much that you would bring it up and I'm sure everyone else on here feels the same way. We all want as much input as possible and if you think you can help someone in any way, then you should go for it!</p>
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<p>Thanks again...in the meantime, mom-to-jj, I made a list like yours! Mine includes a deep tissue massage, a day on the slopes, a hot yoga class, and a tasting of soft cheeses with a big glass of red wine :) And I talked to DH about "it will happen when it's supposed to happen." We usually communicate really great but I think I was so deep in my funk that I didn't even realize I wasn't letting him know how much that bothered me. He hasn't said it since and he's been mostly listening, so thank you for waking me up with that.</p>
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<p>You ladies are lifesavers! So thankful for this forum. God bless you all! :)</p>
 

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<p>Wow! It was uncanny reading this- as I am in a VERY similar position right now. I feel like I have no right to complain as I just miscarried in October and only haven't gotten pg on one cycle (and things seem to be pretty normal), but many of your words could have been mine.</p>
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<p>I am currently avoiding talking to one of my best friends because I'm pretty sure he's trying to tell me his wife is pregnant (along with everyone else I know!). I am so excited for them, but I keep thinking about how if I hadn't miscarried- we would probably have children about a month apart, wouldn't that be great, blah blah blah. I hate feeling like I can't be the supportive friend I want to be, but I just know he'll ask when we will have one- and then I will probably blurt out that I miscarried, and that is just ick.</p>
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<p>I ALSO have an amazing, supportive husband who appears to be a dolt about the whole thing. He cracked open a beer when I was actually miscarrying and I was really upset. I have tried to talk to him about it since, and I asked if he would ever have a beer if/when I'm in labor. He was offended and said that's totally ridiculous and of course not- and what I tried to explain is that a miscarriage is a mini/short labor with a depressing result- he didn't get it. He also says things like 'it will happen when it's right' type of thing and I have regularly told him that I don't require a pep-talk, I want commiserating and sympathy and to get over it myself (mom-to-jj, I totally love the 'be with me in the hole til I can crawl out myself- that's exactly it!) We have talked about it at length, and he keeps saying that he's trying to be strong for me- I explain that is not what I need- but we seem to be at some sort of stalemate on the issue.</p>
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<p>I was actually really OK after the miscarriage for a month or so- I was totally optimistic and enjoying not being pregnant. I found all the blessings of a miscarriage- my supportive friends and family, an amazingly understanding coworker, and not feeling sick and tired. I have enjoyed nights out with single friends and had my fill of fun. Now that I have enjoyed enough good beer/wine/cookie dough I find myself getting low again. I think it's partially the holidays- I was with my sister and her 2 young kids and I am very involved in their lives. People assume I'm their Mom sometimes or if they know I am the aunt- they'd say things like 'oh- that looks like you're a natural!' or they would look at me a way and I would jump to the conclusion that they are wondering when we'll have kids. All those things make me think about how ready I am for a family, and how much more precious a Christmas is with a little one. In talking with the family about what we will do for next Christmas, I find myself obsessed with wondering if we will have one in a year, and I don't like it- I'm usually more of a roll-with-the-punches kind of girl. I feel like I have lost so much time already, and like I've lost something special that I can't explain to people that haven't lost a pregnancy. I also feel like I have already had my grieving time, and it's hard for me to find the same kind of support that I had right after it happened. I feel this expectation to be 'over it', and don't know how to navigate the delayed sadness.</p>
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<p>Just hearing you all have had similar feelings and that I'm not alone makes me feel so much better. I keep feeling like I have no excuse to be sad; I we got pg within a few months, I miscarried early (6-7 weeks), it was only one loss and otherwise my reproductive health appears fine, I am in the 2ww now but have only lost one cycle so far post-mc, and really everything looks like I should be able to get pg soon and carry it to term, I have a (usually) understanding and caring hubby, I have friends and fun non-pregnant activities to keep me busy til my time comes- so why can't I just enjoy the many blessings in my life until a little blessing comes along?</p>
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<p>I keep trying to remind myself that the days are getting longer and that is sure to help!</p>
<p>Thanks for being such an amazing group of ladies. amo4piano- good luck and hopefully we'll both have great news very soon.</p>
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