[Mama~Love]

I'm 19 weeks pregnant with twins. I should be so happy, right?? But I'm not. I've always struggled with depression, but the last couple of weeks have been extremely hard. I'm so tired all the time, I just want to sleep, but then I get insomnia, and can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about everything . I cry about everything, and it's gotten worse lately. I want to avoid meds if possible, but if this keeps up, I won't have a choice.

I don't enjoy anything anymore. I don't want to do anything, except sleep. Life is really stressful right now, and to top it off I'm working fulltime M-F 2pm-10pm. I don't know what to do to make it better. DH gets so frustrated with me, like I should just be able to think happy thoughts & everything will be fine. It doesn't work that way if I've been struggling with this for most of my life. I pretend to be happy in front of the kids & DH, but at night when everone is sleeping, that's when I break down & cry.

Anyone ele struggle with this too??

 

[tutucrazy]

I'm very depressed right now too. I think mine is more situational rather than chronic. Before pregnancy I was doing so much and enjoying my freedom. Now I feel tied down and I know the demands of a baby for the first couple years are so high. I don't feel ready for the challenge.

I guess with my first it was different b/c I had no idea what to expect. I'm sleeping terrible already and I always feel tired. DH doesn't understand so it isn't worth talking about with him. Anyway, I have no words of wisdom but wanted to let you know you aren't alone. (hug)

 

[Snugglebugmom]

I've struggled with depression since 1999, and shortly before I found out I was pregnant, I found myself in the middle of a giant relapse. I am on medication and will remain on it throughout pregnancy and while my baby is nursing. It is not ideal, but neither is a suicidal mama.

Remember always: you have to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your babies! It's like the airplane emergency situation: when the oxygen masks drop, you put on own mask on first, and then you help others. Go to your doctor, tell him exactly how you feel, and ask for help. You don't need to feel like this, and prolonged stress and anxiety is not healthy for your babies either.

Hugs to you! PM me any time if you want to talk about anti-depressants and pregnancy and what-not.

 

[Mainebirdgirl]

Oh Mama Love, I hear you. I think it is totally normal between the hormones and exhaustion. I've been a little down, but I'm actually on an SSRI as well for anxiety and that has kept me afloat through my struggles (like I just puked- AGAIN- NARG!!!). Like Iris says, not ideal (I had intended to stop taking it before we were TTC, but the anxiety of TTC made that tricky), but taking care of mama is critical! I trust my doctor when she says it's fine- she's normally very conservative about giving meds and I'm on a very low dose (and actually starting to wean myself off it).

You have SO MUCH on your plate. You can be thrilled about the coming twins but still struggle with this, and I agree at least talk to your doctor and see what they say. It's made harder when you can't talk to DH about it. My DH was a bit of the same way- he gets really frustrated when he can't help and he doesn't understand.

Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about not being happy, looking in to meds, or whatever else you're feeling. You are not alone! Don't let yourself feel guilt-ridden for needing to take care of yourself (so you can take care of your twins and family).

Oh- and sleep is ESSENTIAL at times like these. That is actually what drove me to medication, not being able to sleep puts everything in a downward spiral. My doc pointed out how sleep deprivation is a classic and effective torture technique! Please talk to your doc and find a solution that helps you take care of yourself.

 

[mareseatoats]

As others said, you're definitely not alone in this

I feel like people have pretty much covered what I was going to say, but I also wanted to check and see if you had considered, or would be open to, placental encapsulation. My depression from earlier in this pregnancy has largely faded (although I just have that occasional day...) but to help with postpartum I'm definitely going to utilize what the placenta has to offer. If you're interested (I know it isn't for everyone!) I can find you some links.

 

[Mama~Love]

Thank you for all of the replies! I really appreciate it. I'm sorry others are struggling with this too. I sent DH an email at work about what's bothering me, and I'm sure he will be so pi$$ed off, but I don't care. I need to get this out. He was mad at me last night, because I took a few minutes to sit down while making supper and just look out the window, and listen to the birds. He said what are you looking at, I said nothing, just listening to the birds, then he said, yeah just not us, then he continued to curse under his breath. I didn't think I did anything wrong.

I will talk to my Dr. at my next appointment, and we'll discuss our options.

mareseatoats - yes, I am planning on having my placentas encapsulated, if I can find someone to do it. I think it would only get worse postpartum, and that would really help.