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Desperate for change. Just can't do it anymore.

1557 Views 52 Replies 20 Participants Last post by  spirit4ever
DS is 20 months. AS you can tell by my username, he's never been a good sleeper. I can count the # of times he's slept longer than a 2 hour stretch on one hand.

I can't do it anymore.

But what choice do I have? I am strongly against letting him cry himself to sleep (I would have done that long ago if that were an option).

He wakes at the end of every single sleep cycle and has to be parented to sleep. (nursing or sometimes he'll acept rocking)

He WILL NOT accept anyone but me. If DH tries to take him, he wakes WIDE up and we're all up for hours.

I NEED to help him learn to fall back asleep without me. I can't go on like this. I'm so angry and resentful at night. It's effecting my health and sanity.
I just can't go on anymore.

He's 20 months....I mean, I've held on to the idea that he'll sleep longer when he's ready. I can't wait for that anymore.

I've read both NCSS's and tried to apply some of the suggestions. I've never ever been able to put him down groggy although I've tried every single night for the last 10 months. If I try to remove him from my breat he screams and wakes up for hours...

we co-sleep and I've tried all sorts of different sleeping arrangements.

Please, if you have any ideas.....
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This must be a very tough time for you. My first thought is that maybe you should find a way to get a nap in, maybe family and your dh can take over for a few hours? I don't know what your situation is, but I do know that EVERYTHING is horrible when we are sleep deprived, and it usually isnl't a good time to make a decision about sleep. I wish there was more I could tell you; i am sure these mamas will have good suggestions for you. you are not the only mama to go through this, and try to remember that "this too shall pass"
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I've thought "this too shall pass" for 20 months. My hope is gone. Sure, it'll pass SOMEDAY, but what state will I be in by then?

I just can't do it anymore.

Thanks for the reply, I don't mean to come off like I don;t appreciate it, becuase I truely do. It's just I can't take it anymore.

Sounds rough. Is he upset when your dh parents him to sleep or just takes longer? If it just takes longer I think I'd let dh be in charge of one half of the night for the next few weeks and see how that goes.

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He freaks if DH tries to put him to sleep no matter what. Bedtime or nightwakings.
Arg. How tough. How about if you put him in between you two in bed and let dh START helping while you're still comforting him? Then see if you can ease it more towards dh?

we have a rough time with the sleep in our house too. my dd is 25 months and doesn't sleep for more than 2 1/2 hrs. you can set a watch to it. now my dh puts her to sleep at night. when he first started doing it there was ALOT of crying and i would go for a walk. it took a couple of hours to get her to sleep. but she wasn't alone crying in a crib. she was in bed with my husband who was singing to her and holding is that cry it out? i don't know but i needed a break too. it took about 3 nights of this and now dh puts her to bed every night. of course, i go in when she wakes up in 2 1/2 hrs...
So I'm thinking about trying something new and kind of drastic.

He needs to learn to fall asleep laying down instead of nursing and rocking. (why? because then he can fall asleep himself after nightwaking) So maybe I should just plan on staying up late for a while and just take him in the room and lay down. The times I've tried this in the past, he just gets up and plays until he gets grumpy and starts crying. At this point I give in and rock/nurse him. Sooo....maybe I should just tough it out with him and make him fall asleep without rocking/nursing. I can talk to him, sing to him and tell him it's ok, but no rocking/nursing. He won't let me touch him when he gets tired and mad like that, so patting or cuddling won't work.

I just don't know.

The idea of him crying like that to sleep SUCKS. Even though I'll be there and he won't be alone I still HATE the idea of him ending his day that way.

But I CAN"T keep going the way we're going.

i just don't know.
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yours is a few months older then mine, but i completely understand where you are coming from! my ds started as an every 20 minute waker and never got longer then 2 hours as he got older (and 2 hours was a rarity, every 1 hour was normal). the couple things that helped us were:

(1) started practicing elimination communication, which cut down on the night peeing a little

(2) around christmas i realized that he may have a food sensitivity and decided to cut dairy out of our diets. the signs i noticed were restless sleeping, frequent waking and frequent urination (which woke him every time he needed to pee). this helped a lot

now we are at the point where he will sleep 1-2 hours for his one nap of the day. i can usually nurse him back to sleep for a little longer. at night time he will sleep 3-5 hours, followed by waking every 2 until we get up. this is such a long way from where we were before! and he is getting better too. i think it wasn't until we cut out the dairy and he started feeling better, that he realized he 'could' sleep longer.

i am not sure if this is something that is going on with your dd, but may be worth looking into.
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He is allergic to dairy, we've been complety dairy free since he was 2 months.

Keep the ideas coming ladies...I really need your help.
here's what I think- I am dealing with my second rotten sleeper and almost at the end of my rope too! Here's waht we did with ds #1. Dh took over till a certain time (say 11 then 1) Myles cried but it was with dh. I had to sleep or I seriously may have hurt him!! I would say give dh another try and just leave or go in the farthest room. Don't aim for a long time just 2-3 hrs! I feel your rpain. Sorry this is disjointed, we had a bad night ! LOL
Dh will be gone for the next 2 weeks. I honestly can't handle this anymore.
Ugh- timing couldn't be worse, huh? Is there a grandma or aunt or someone that your ds is close to who could come stay with you for a couple of days? Are you close to any mdc moms? Sounds like you just need a break.

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Thanks ladies. We spent some tim enjoying the good weather and we're feeling better.

I just need him to start sleeping longer stretches. Getting him to bed is no problem, but keeping him asleep sure is.

My family is all "you have to let him cry it out", so I can't inlist their help.

What would you do in this situation? Do you think that him having o go to sleep at night without rocking/nursing would help his nightwakings?
Hard to say- maybe? Maybe not... Can he nurse lying down? Can you sleep while he nurses? Maybe if he won't nurse lying down that would be a good transition.

I can't sleep while he nurses because of the insane twiddling. I've tried laying ont he free boob, covering it with my arm, telling him "flat hands", but he twiddles...big time.

I just have to get him to sleep longer stretches. I just want to do that as gently as possible.....
Ah- then work on the twiddling. DD has some annoying habits too- you have my sympathy there. Work on it during the day and see how much you can cut it down. Sleeping while nursing sounds like it would be a big improvement for you.

I am in the same boat, not as "desperate," but actually searching this site for ideas. My son is almost 17 months, and will not fall asleep on his own if I am around. My main problem is that if he awakens from sleep, he will only fall back asleep with nursing. At his grandma's, she puts him in a crib and he's fine. His favorite and preferable position is nursing. I need to night wean.....but feel very strongly also about the benefits of nursing and co-sleeping. I also become very resentful sometimes at night- not healthy. Every night I think "This is it. Tomorrow night there will be some changes." So, I seek ideas too. I am sure there are some Archived tips.
Well we did bedtime different. It was hard and took an hour, but he's alseep.

I took him straight to bed instead of the rocking chair and let him nurse as much as he wanted. We then laid in bed. When he sat up I would ask him to lay down and try and go to sleep. If he got too upset, we sat up together, held eachother and I comforted him. We then laid back down and I sang and talked to him.

It took about 5 sit-up and comforts and he finally fell asleep.

It defineitly wasn't "no-cry", he cried a little and it broke my heart. BUT, I never left him, kept telling him "mama's here, it's ok" and all that.

I don't know if it was a horrible thing to do. When he cried harder than a strong fuss, we took a break.

I'm going to try this for a few days and see if it effects his nightwaking.

What are your thoughts?? I can't stand him being upset like that, but we are at a point where we truely NEED sleep, him and I.
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so you didn't nurse to sleep? you just nursed and then laid down with him? i hope that change in routine works to keep him asleep a bit longer! keep us posted.
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