Mothering Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I was not sure where to start, I have been a lurker on here for years, and have always appreciated the kindness and insight from you amazing ladies.<br><br>
I am in a very difficult situation. I found out a week ago that our baby has grown wings. I am 22 weeks pregnant. We had planned an UC for this baby, despite the adamant pressure form our families not to. We had been seeing an OB during the first trimester who supported our decision to switch to a midwife, but did not support the concept of UC. We led him to believe that we would be switching to a midwife's care after 20 weeks. Due to me having Factor V (blood clotting disorder), we felt this was a safe point in the pregnancy to transfer care.<br><br>
I noticed that our little one wasn't moving as much last week. I would prefer not to go into details, because that horrible day is still all too fresh in my mind. But an ultrasound confirmed our worst fears.<br><br>
I was in the process of switching to a midwife in the middle of all of this. My OB is pressuring me to be admitted for an induction. I cannot bear the thought of it. My last, and only induction was also with a loss, and I don't think I can handle going through that again. The hospital staff was so cold, we were treated as if our loss had occurred because of our "ideas about childbirth", as a nurse put it.<br><br>
My husband and I are desperate to do this unassisted as planned. If anything, knowing that our LO is gone, makes me only that much more desperate to do this in the privacy and comfort of my own home.<br>
My OB is adamant that I am risking my life by waiting on things to start on their own. I have tried everything possible to kick start labor, walking, black and blue cohosh, goldenseal, red raspberry leaf tea, evening primrose oil, even sex (which was awkward and heartbreaking, I don't think I can put myself through that again)<br><br>
I have been stuck at around 4cm dilated for 4 days now. (According to my husband) He said he can reach enough to feel the very edge of the baby's bag, but I am very posterior due to the fact that our angel is obviously not engaged like a normal full term baby.<br><br>
I am starting to lose it. I am trying to be patient and trust that my body will accept our child's fate, but I am scared. I once carried a missed miscarriage for 5 weeks past the time of loss, and it was torture. This is even more unbearable, as I am obviously showing and cannot leave the house due to fear of innocent "congratulations" breaking my heart.<br><br>
My OB is trying to convince me to consent to a hospital induction with cytotec. I am normally adamantly against it's use, but I am so desperate at this point that I am actually considering it. I have heard the contrax are brutal, and am aware of the risk of rupture, but at this point I just want to hold my baby and grieve his loss. I know this may sound morbid, but every day I wonder if he is deteoriating to the point of being unrecognizable.<br><br>
I've begged my OB to just insert the cytotec and let me do this at home, but he refuses. I find this odd, as I know many women who have gone through losses with cytotec at home.<br><br>
What should I do???? I have called two local midwives to see if they could help, but because I was under the care of an ob until this point, no one is willing to take on my case.<br><br>
Does anyone have any suggestions? My husband and I are so desperate, that I even looked into ordering cytotec and administering it myself. But everywhere I can find it is overseas and will take 2 weeks to arrive. I don't think I can handle another two weeks of this.<br><br>
I am desperate to do this with my husband without the prying hands and eyes of the hospital staff. ANY ideas, suggestions, ANYTHING is appreciated.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,710 Posts
I don't know what to say. We tried everything for over a week to try and get my son to come out after he died. We did end up at the hospital, with horrible Pitocin contractions for many many hours, but everyone was as kind as could be.. I refused an epidural, but took as much narcotics as they would let me have. There is no way for this to be ideal, but I did push him out up on my knees and caught him myself. No one even touched him until I said it was okay.<br><br>
I wish i could tall you how to get your baby our. I guess you could add cotton root bark tincture to your routine, and maybe some accupuncture?<br><br>
My son was full-term, but even after a week he was just a little mushy and bruised. And for some reason his nose kept bleeding. He was quite recognizable and looked just like his big brother.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
938 Posts
My heart is breaking for you. I'm sorry. I just delivered my angel at 18weeks 5days. False unicorn and lobelia really worked to bring on contractions for me. Also...I don't know if you are into any energy work or not, but I was able to let go emotionally with that. I honestly believe that I had to let go emotionally before I could physically let go. It's so hard...so horrible to have to deal with. I'm so sorry. PM me if you have more questions. WHat part of the country are you in? My mw assisted me at home and she was wonderful and compassionate.<br>
Try taking false unicorn and lobelia though. I did a combo of half and half...and kept increasing my doses. It kept my contractions coming.<br>
I'm so sorry you are going through this. My heart is aching for you! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
938 Posts
One more thing. I don't know how long it's been since your baby passed...but mine had been gone approximately 3 weeks before I realized anything was wrong. I started spotting at that point so I knew something wasn't right. It took my body another week to get into anything productive. I know it's hard, but your body may just need a little more time to switch modes. Hang in there mama! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,239 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
About having cytotec then going home. I know that it is your right to sign out AMA from any hospital so maybe think about doing that if the time comes.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,580 Posts
Alicorn1986, my heart really goes out to you.<br><br>
I'm going to write from my intuition about this--take anything that sounds right and helpful to you, leave anything else.<br><br>
I think your instinct to do this in a way that feels right, is right on--though be open to the details of that way changing as you learn more. It sounds like your OB is not being emotionally supportive to you. Your grieving process is important, and getting to have choices, made out of love (not fear) and your own wisdom is part of that. If the midwives aren't open to working with you, maybe there is another OB. Also, a PP mentioned acupuncture--one that specializes in fertility/birth might be really helpful too. Maybe there even is another midwife out there who would work with you or answer some questions (like what and how is your life at risk, and are there some signs you can look for yourself so you know if the situation is becoming an emergency).<br><br>
I'm hoping for you that you have a supportive and trusted friend or family member that can help you find another practitioner or practitioners. That friend or family member can do a lot of the tasks of asking around for who those practicioners might be and make the calls to make sure they will see you on whatever terms you request. Meanwhile you can be doing whatever you need to be doing to process this huge change--taking a break is an important part of that too.<br><br>
I hope the path becomes clear soon. I wish you as well as possible.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
901 Posts
Oh goodness! I don't have anything helpful, but I wanted to offer you a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">. I'm so sorry!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,914 Posts
*hugs* My prayers are with you and your family. I totally agree with AmBam that there is an emotional component. For me, I have been using EFT to release some of my fears.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:<br><br><br>
AmBam, would you mind sharing how you let go emotionally?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,488 Posts
How are you doing, alicorn? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top