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I have never posted on this board before, but I have posted lots elsewhere. BTW, my name is Kim, and I have seven children ranging in age from 20 to 2.<br><br>
I have bipolar disorder. As a result, things in my marriage have been stressful. Two weeks ago I took an overdose that landed me in the hospital. I am now getting intensive therapy and medication management.<br><br>
Two days ago, my dh told me he didnt know if he loved me anymore or not.<br><br>
Our original plan was marriage counseling. But here is the thing. Our lease runs out next month. My idea is to renew the lease, go to marriage counseling, each go to our individual therapists, subtract alcohol completely from the picture, and give our marriage a really good try. A good year to see how much things can improve with the above things in place.<br><br>
But he said he was not sure if he wanted to or not. He is not sure if he wants to put forth the time and energy to try and save our marriage. He is not sure if he wants me or not.<br><br>
Hearing all that is absolutely devastating.<br><br>
But the worst of it is this. If we do not renew the lease, then he will take the kids and go live with his father. I will have no where to live. No car, so I will lose my job. I will lose everything.<br><br>
I already have one handicapped child that is placed residential, and as of last summer, two dds who live with my ex. To lose more children will kill me.<br><br>
He is supposed to give me his decision within a week or so. I dont know how I am going to survive this week, waiting for my fate to be decided.<br><br>
And how can he be so selfish as to wait for me to be right in the middle of a crisis to lay this on me? Right when I need his love and support the most he decides he may want to bail. I would NEVER do that to him.<br><br>
I just sit here and cry. Thanks for letting me get that out.
 

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Couldn't read and not respond....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s to you....and I hope everything works out in a positive way for you....xo
 

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My heart goes out to you, Mama. Here are more <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> for you. I wish you peace.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"> I hope everything works out for you.
 

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I suggest seeing a cousellor at a women's shelter. They should have the resources and history to be able to help you define a plan and work out the issues you need to address and prioritize.<br><br>
I wish you strength to do what needs to be done with as little hassle as possible <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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*hug*
 

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*HUGS* I really hope things will get much much better for you and SOON.<br><br>
I will be thinking of you and praying for you.<br><br>
*HUGS*
 

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He doesn't get to just "decide" to take the kids away from you and leave you destitute. That is for custody determination.<br><br>
If you have legal aid in your town, go *now* and apply. Explain the situation and ask for advice. Most likely they will tell you that if he decides to move out of the family residence, that he will need to leave the kids there until custody is determined (at least temporarily), and pay child support, probably continue to pay rent as well. What you will need is called a "Status quo order" which basically says their residence cannot be changed until a hearing. Most judges in my area will order a 50/50 split at the initial hearing pending a later final determination (which can take a year or more). It is pretty routine if one parent is not working and the other is, for the working parent to be ordered temporary spousal and child support. At least in this area.<br><br>
Can you get your lease switched to month-to-month for the moment? Talk to your landlord. Explain that you may be needing to move in the next 6-8 months, but that you would like to be able to put off the decision for a while, so would like to shift to a month-to-month arrangment until things are more settled.<br><br>
IF you sit and do nothing, it will happen the way he said. If you are proactive and go out *today* and start the ball rolling to protect yourself (you don't have to file for divorce, you simply have to get a lawyer *now* and make sure that you are set to file instantly if he decides to try to take the kids and run.)
 

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Kim, I'm so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Jenrose, has good advice!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>jenrose</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8165483"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He doesn't get to just "decide" to take the kids away from you and leave you destitute. That is for custody determination.<br><br>
If you have legal aid in your town, go *now* and apply. Explain the situation and ask for advice. Most likely they will tell you that if he decides to move out of the family residence, that he will need to leave the kids there until custody is determined (at least temporarily), and pay child support, probably continue to pay rent as well. What you will need is called a "Status quo order" which basically says their residence cannot be changed until a hearing. Most judges in my area will order a 50/50 split at the initial hearing pending a later final determination (which can take a year or more). It is pretty routine if one parent is not working and the other is, for the working parent to be ordered temporary spousal and child support. At least in this area.<br><br>
Can you get your lease switched to month-to-month for the moment? Talk to your landlord. Explain that you may be needing to move in the next 6-8 months, but that you would like to be able to put off the decision for a while, so would like to shift to a month-to-month arrangment until things are more settled.<br><br>
IF you sit and do nothing, it will happen the way he said. If you are proactive and go out *today* and start the ball rolling to protect yourself (you don't have to file for divorce, you simply have to get a lawyer *now* and make sure that you are set to file instantly if he decides to try to take the kids and run.)</div>
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Good advice here, please listen to it. I know it's hard, but you <b>have</b> to fight for your kids. Don't let someone else decide your life! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Jenrose, she'll have a steep uphill battle if she's recently out of the hospital for an overdose, has a documented psych history, has already given up or lost custody of children, and cannot afford a car. The standard "fight for your kids" may not apply well.<br><br>
OP, the important thing to think about here is the children's wellbeing and your ability to work with your husband so that you can both take care of yourself and be part of your children's lives, no matter what happens. It sounds like you're in a precarious position financially, but it also sounds like you may be catastrophizing a bit. Talk to your therapist, keeping the focus on your children's wellbeing, not what "losing" them would do to you. (You won't lose them. At the very worst you'll have visitation, at best custody and support, or a continued marriage.) Think about options for transportation.<br><br>
Also keep in mind that it may not be a matter of selfishness for him, though I agree he shouldn't keep you hanging like this. It could just be that he is worn out and can't go on, and can't wait out the time necessary for recovery to say so.
 

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I agree with Mama40, but I'd add, focus on the children's well being and YOUR well-being. You cannot take care of your kids if you cannot take care of yourself, first. Stay strong, mama, for yourself and your kids.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mama40</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8170925"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Jenrose, she'll have a steep uphill battle if she's recently out of the hospital for an overdose, has a documented psych history, has already given up or lost custody of children, and cannot afford a car. The standard "fight for your kids" may not apply well.<br><br>
OP, the important thing to think about here is the children's wellbeing and your ability to work with your husband so that you can both take care of yourself and be part of your children's lives, no matter what happens. It sounds like you're in a precarious position financially, but it also sounds like you may be catastrophizing a bit. Talk to your therapist, keeping the focus on your children's wellbeing, not what "losing" them would do to you. (You won't lose them. At the very worst you'll have visitation, at best custody and support, or a continued marriage.) Think about options for transportation.<br><br>
Also keep in mind that it may not be a matter of selfishness for him, though I agree he shouldn't keep you hanging like this. It could just be that he is worn out and can't go on, and can't wait out the time necessary for recovery to say so.</div>
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I had these thoughts, as well, when I read the OP, but wasn't able to articulate them so well so didn't post. Thanks for posting this.<br><br>
I have so much compassion for the OP, but I've also dealt with several mentally ill people in my family and know how very worn out and exhausted their partners get. At some point, their partners have felt that it was almost a matter of survival for them to get out of the relationship. I'm not saying this is the case. Maybe OP's DP is being selfish. I don't know. But I do know it isn't always "selfishness" per se and I also know that it is sometimes better for the kids not to be in the primary custody of a parent who is trying to get him/herself together.<br><br>
Good luck to the OP. I can't imagine how stressful this situation is and I do think you've gotten some really good advice from this thread.
 

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I suggest intensively researching <b>natural</b> treatments for bipolar disorder. It could save your marriage and keep your children with you. You might start at <a href="http://www.mercola.com" target="_blank">www.mercola.com</a>. You can do a search in that site. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Good luck!
 
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