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I am a SAHM, so DS is with me 24/7. We co-sleep, he takes showers with me more often than not, the kid and I are attached at the hip. I very rarely get any time alone, and when I do I have a million and one things that I need to get done.

DH has been sick this week, so he's been home and I haven't been getting much done. He throws DS and I out of our weekday groove whenever his work schedule is different.
: It's especially hard when he insists he's dying and that I should cater to his every whim and deisre. He's finally starting to feel better, but is still milking it for all he it is worth. I've been trying to give him some space, and not snap at him and tell him to get over it. Yesterday I took DS to run errands (pay bills, buy DH new t-shirts, go to the bank). While we were gone DH took a nap, played on the computer and visited MIL.

This morning DH slept in while DS and I ran to the store to buy dog food and breakfast. After breakfast DH offered to take DH out to the park and then MIL's so that I could have some time to shower in peace and read. Five minutes later he was grumpy and complaining because breakfast wasn't sitting on his stomach well with the antibiotic and aspirin he took. He starts acting like he's doing me a huge favor by taking DS and that I'm going to owe him later.

What the hell?!? I take DS out every weekend while DH relaxes and or tinkers with some project. He takes our son out one weekend a month for a couple hours and I'm supposed to throw him a parade? If he thinks this is going to be his "go to the bar" free card, he has another thing coming with that attitude.
 

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I HATE THAT!

Besides taking care of DS all day yesterday (like everyday) I cooked an entire dinner (while watching him) cleaned up, gave him a bath, put on his jammies, walking around in the sling nursing and trying to put him to sleep so my DH and I could watch a movie. During the entire movie I kept DS on my lap because if I put him in bed he would wake immediately. Well of course I had to go to the bathroom and when I came back my DH was like "He almost woke up but I put him back to sleep again and again," in a tone begging for a GOOD JOB.

I don't know why DH's do this. I don't know if they feel overly proud of themselves that they did something, or if they really want/need complete reinforcement.
 

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I know what you mean...my mother's day gift this year was my dh taking the kids out of the house for a few hours...and thats it....they want so much acknowledgment for the littlest things. My husband unloaded the dishwasher the other day and was standing there waiting for a huge pat on the back like I never do things he typically does. Actually I had caulked the toilet that day so I said "Well, I caulked the toilet today, I guess we both get a gold star"

It is nice to have a place to vent with others who understand.
 

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It irks the hell out of me though, but usually, I just say, "Well then I guess you're lucky to have someone as competent and patient as I am to take care of him, aren't you?"
 

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That would really tick me off. Just get him a pack of gold star stickers and give him one everytime he does something "special"
 

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This is so annoying
Dh is actually quite good about this stuff, takes ds down ot the slides downt he stret, take shim when they are running a quick errand, stuff like that. But it's that 'oh look at me I am doing you a FAVOR because I am such a good dh I can see oyu need a few minutes break' kind of attitude about it that makes me crazy. You are a parent! You're supposed to do these things!

Oh well. I find if I just go with it he does it more often. I guess it's like anyone, he wants to feel appreciated so I thank him up and down and sideways and hten when the weekend comes around I grab the car keys and hit hte road to the bookstore by myself


I guess it's like me cooking. I do it every day. It's no big deal, we need to eat and that's mostly my responsibility. But it's nice to feel appreciated. I notice when dh is thanking me more often for dinner, talkingit up to ds about how he's lucky to have a mommy who cooks god food for them, etc... well, I make a better effort to buy and prepare stuff I know htey prefer, even if othe rhtings might be easier. I'm more likely to go out of my way about things, even everyday has-to-get-done things, if I feel like someone is noticing.

Positive reinforcement I suppose. Works with all ages.
 

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Are you...me?



Mine does it, too. Takes ds for a bike ride or something while I do the dishes or vacuum or do whatever chore is up for the day and when he returns, asks me how "my break" was.

I finally told him that it wasn't a break until I was sitting with my feet up sipping a latte and reading a new book after taking a shower All By Myself. Until then, I'm just dreaming.

I think he got it and hasn't asked since, but his "days off" are his "days off" and he has, of late, been telling me what he is going to do come Monday, etc. It is usually some chore he's been trying to do (fix car, etc.), but I wouldn't mind a "day off" now and then where I can tell him what errand or chore I need to do while he takes care of ds....
 

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I am living your life too! Seriously if I get half an hour out of the house alone I consider myself lucky.
I NEVER get to anything just for me anymore and it wears on me. DH acts like taking DS outside while I shower is a HUGE favor to me. Ughhh, no.....he's your son too. Oh and where is my DH tonite for the third night this week? Watching the ball game at his buddy's house. Sometimes I just want to cry.........
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by bugginsmom
I am living your life too! Seriously if I get half an hour out of the house alone I consider myself lucky.
I NEVER get to anything just for me anymore and it wears on me. DH acts like taking DS outside while I shower is a HUGE favor to me. Ughhh, no.....he's your son too. Oh and where is my DH tonite for the third night this week? Watching the ball game at his buddy's house. Sometimes I just want to cry.........
No no no no no! I would NEVER tolerate my DH leaving me for any game ever! You gotta do something about that part mama, the next time he does that say you deserve a break too! hugsss!

Sometimes my DH would be on the computer for hours or reading one magazine after another while I have not read anything all day! That made me want to cry too...

Men these days....or should I say boys these days.

Still waiting for him to GROW UP.
 

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I'll join in the bitching parade... just kidding


My DP infuriates me to no end sometimes, but perhaps that's because I just expect him to take on more responsibilities? There have been a few times when I was having a rough day and told him I was feeling burnt out (gee, who've though this sick woman would feel like that?), his words of encouragement were, "why don't I stay home with the kids, and you work, and I'll do all the work around here, and better." WTF?

I do often get the aire from DP that he's doing me a favour when I request that he take the kids out for a while. Meanwhile the entire time they're out, I'm cleaning like crazy, though I admit the last time I decided to take a couple of short breaks to lurk on MDC... I certainly deserved them!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by nfpmom
I have a friend whose DH calls it "babysitting' when he takes her DS on his own for a while.

Someone DH knows said that about when he watches his own kids and DH just gave him this look like "what is your disfunction?"
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by nfpmom
I have a friend whose DH calls it "babysitting' when he takes her DS on his own for a while.

It's not babysitting, it's called PARENTING and I get a great kick out of hearing my DH tell his mom that
Tell your friend to get THIS SHIRT for her husband
 

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Oh and chiming in on the whole thing: My DH does that crap too and it cheeses me right on off.
Have you ever read that Love Languages book? I think my DH really dos need that reinforcement/praise. But from hearing most women talk, I'd say that ALL DH's have the same Love Language
Seriously though, I have learned that sometimes I have to indulge it a little to get the behaviour to go away
I figure it like this: If he's whining because he's "dying" (which is generally represented by sneezing or fatigue *eyeroll*) he probably is really yearning for some touch and love that he didn't get as a child. So I baby him, just a little bit. And he "heals" much faster than when I do not. I've tried it. It's like a miracle drug. I call the Waaahhhhmbulance on him allt he time still though


Namaste, Tara
 

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My biggest beef is when the significant other takes the ds out for a few hours so I can do laundry, clean the tiolets, the showers, the sinks, the floors, the countertops,do another load of laundry, put all the clothes away, make the beds, mop the floors.... and ds comes home and ask how my break was
: drives me absolutely nuts. aaaaargh
 

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My dh does this too. And when he does have ds all day (which is rare), nothing gets done, cooked, or cleaned.
This irks me because I am with ds 24/7 and dh often complains that the house is a mess and errands aren't done. When I call him on it, by saying "you get less done when you have ds than I do!", he says he understands, but he really and clearly does not!
:

Well, ds is almost 4, old enough for me to leave him with dh for a weekend. I just need to figure out where I'm going to go, lol.
 

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Yeah, that used to be the case with me and dh. Then we got into marital counseling. He got a clue and I got a spine. I started telling him flat out, this is your kid too buddy...deal. And demanding equal "alone time."

Marital counseling.
 

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Didn't you know that being a SAHM means watching movies all day, eating whatever the heck we want and painting our toenails??? LOL Back to reality. I use to have this problem quite often but I started handing him our son and telling him I was running errands or doing whatever and they needed time together. He would fuss at first but he really started enjoying their time spent together. Sometimes a so to speak swift kick in the ass comes in handy
 

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Sorry to be the party crasher, but my dh is nothing like that. He likes to help me out w/the kids. In fact, last week alone he took the day off on Tuesday to take the kids all day so I could bum around the house and then go to a car auction that night.

Sunday we went to Wal-Mart shopping as a family. Dh took the kids to get me a digital camera while I did the grocery shopping.

Many nights he'll do the whole bedtime duty so I can shower and read a book.

Here's the trick. Sex. Seriously. At least in our house. Once I started giving up some of my "mommyness" things changed. If I take time off and become a sensual beast like when we first met...well, things are good!
 
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