dh and I talked again

992 Views 4 Replies 4 Participants Last post by Sara29, Sep 27, 2003

Sara29

Discussion Starter · Sep 26, 2003

I was really nervous to bring up (again) male anatomy and circumcision issues with dh.He is home for only a few days at a time,and no time seems the right time.Plus most people were telling me to not bring it up unless the issue(circing son) comes to a forefront.Well I just couldn't stand all that waiting around and not saying anything for years, so I just started with," Well honey I have finished my research into male anatomy and circumcision related issues.So if you want to know more (because I would sure like to sit down with you and show you all that I have learned) you just let me know when you are ready." I told him a little about the parts that are lost due to circumcision,and how it is just plain silly(and cruel) to cut off the most sensitive part of our sons genitals for outdated notions.

We talked a little about his own circ.I wanted to know what he remembered,and how the adults explained to him what was to happen.I am hoping he will get that photo album,and then we can talk about it again with the kids too.He says he doesn't remember much.Just that it was told that it is something to make him cleaner,and is a part of his religion.Said he did not really think about it with all the toys and candy around until the actual moment came.He remembers his brother having to much cut off and needing stiches.They were 5.
Said it was fine if we did not circ son,but that his parents are sure to bring it up later on(probalby want to host/pay for the lavish party).He plans to give them his usual response,"We'll see."He says that all the time instead of saying no, and then fighting with his parents(which he feels isn't a proper thing to do).

I am still going to show him all that I have learned,because as I told him," I don't want to just force this on you.If you read everything that I have you will see that it is so very wrong to do this to boys/girls,and our children deserve better from us.
Told him,"Any God that would want us to mutilate our children is no God we need to follow." Then I got into my next *research* topic which was religion(so far I studied judaism,christianity,and islam). He said it was ok to raise the kids without a set religion,yea!!!!!!
Said we can teach morals just fine without it

This reminds me when I was reading about Mohammed it was stated in a few places that he was born circumcised.Well this to me means that he just had a short foreskin,but he was able to enjoy all the sensitivity and normalcy(sp) of an uncut penis(he had all his parts).And yet he supposidly said as part of fitrah(5 things to make you cleaner/pure) to cut off your foreskin because it is the harborer of filth.Anyway that was interesting to know.If anyone can back that up or counter it then let me know.I hate to give out wrong info.
Sara
Oh I forgot to mention I also brought up foreskin restoration.Another VERY touchy subject.I did not know how to mention it without making it seem like I had a problem with him.I don't ofcourse.Our sex life is fine,but I don't think it would hurt for any circed man to get a little extra skin down there on the shaft since circumcision almost always removes way to much.I mentioned increased sensitivity to which ofcourse he said he was sensitive enough.I get that a lot from circed men.Not sure how to counter that.Anyway I will show him a resotre site and drop the issue.

So I feel a little bit better having brought it up again,but I don't think I will feel 100% at ease till I hear my son say to us that he would never cut off or let anyone cut of parts of his genitals.

Sara
What circumcision takes away:
http://www.norm.org/lost.html

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ja mama

· #2 · Sep 27, 2003

Yippee! Sounds like progress for your whole family! And don't worry, your son won't ever be talked into wanting his foreskin cut off without you being able to easily dissuade him. Nobody would choose that, not even 5 yo.

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somemama

· #3 · Sep 27, 2003

I'm proud of you for continuing to protect your son!

I have to say, though, that I think you should drop the "restoration" issue. It's your husband's body. It's not for you to say that it should be "fixed," if he doesn't think so. (And clearly he doesn't think so.)

You've mentioned it to him at least once, so now he knows that the possibility of restoration exists. He can find sites about it on his own if he really wants to. It will hurt his male ego if you continue to bring it up. Your dh can be against circ and ok with his own body at the same time.

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Frankly Speaking

· #4 · Sep 27, 2003

RE: "Said we can teach morals just fine without it "

The basis of every religion is the moral and ethical acts of the adherents. Every single religion is all about following a code of ethics. Those ideals can be taught without adhering to a particular religion. If the child has this background firmly implanted in his character, he will be well prepared to choose and accept any religion he desires when the time comes.

RE: "This reminds me when I was reading about Mohammed it was stated in a few places that he was born circumcised."

There is a birth defect called aposthia. Children who are affected by this have a partial or completely missing foreskin. It is believed that Mohammad had this birth defect and that the Muslim ritual of circumcision is "to be more like Mohammad."

Congratulations on the communication with your husband. I know this is something you have been dreading for a very long time.

Frank

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Sara29

Discussion Starter · #5 · Sep 27, 2003

Thank you for your comments. I won't push restoration,but I will bring it up one more time just to show him a web page(since he asked how it is done).When I brought it up yesterday I said something like," Oh another thing I learned about while researching circ is that men restore the foreskin.No they can't really grow back a true foreskin(and all the other lost parts),but you can stretch the skin so you have more *room* during erections,and if you can get enough to grow-to cover the glands."

I am really pleased about his acceptance of non-religion too.We just had a run around with me wanting to get them into church activities,and he said he may take them to a mosque here and there.I think though that was just because I was insisting on getting them into a church. I felt such a need to replace the judaism/islam with something else to avoid islam by default,but found all the philosophies to difficult to accept.I guess we will just put N/A on forms that ask religion.

Well I better go get my circ/anatomy pages organised.It looks like a perfect day to sit down and share them(rainy and cold outside). I hope after I am done my dh will be an intactavist,but I will be ok if it starts and ends with our son.

I do wish he would just tell his parents we aren't doing these certain things,but I will have to just zip my mouth and let him deal with it however he can. His parents are busy marrying off the daughter,so they aren't bugging us to much(except to come and visit them-NO WAY!).In there country the parents are the ones who find a partner for the kids.

Here they come,better go.Thanks Frank for the Mohammed info.I will be looking up that defect.
Sara

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