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DH and PG

253 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  starlein26
DH and I have a 3 year old dd together, we've been married for 4.5 years, it took us almost a year to TTC # 2, and nothing has been right since I got finally got pg. I'm only 9 weeks along, and DH feels like our relationship is completely falling apart. I really thought he was going to leave last night after an argument we had. We usually don't fight that much, our personalities work very well together, DH is what I could call high-strung, a very highly stressed person all the time, I am pretty mellow and help to calm him down. That is where our issues are right now. I've been so exhausted, it's all I can do to care for dd during the day, I just don't have it in me to even talk to DH when he gets home, I'm heading off to bed. I'll be the first to admit that I have been very cranky since becoming pg, I have severe food adversions, I'm not able to eat much even though I am starving, I never have tolerated hunger very well, I get very grouchy, I've basicially been grouchy for the last month and a half. To top it off, I got very sick last week, I was thisclose to getting pneumonia, I'm still recovering from that. I know I haven't been pleasant to live with.

DH doesn't understand how hard this pg has been on me already. I had no issues with dd, didn't even feel pg until 5 months or so, he doesn't understand this time is different and that I can't not think about it, and it will go away. I've asked for some understanding in my behavior with the knowledge that this won't last forever. He feels that I don't want him anymore, that all I want is for him to provide money and friendship. DH has never understood ups and downs in relationships, we've discussed this many times, he feels it should be great all the time or else it's not working. I feel the opposite, nothing can be great all the time. He was seriously talking about divorce last night, we've only talked once today and I can tell that he still is thinking that. DH won't go to talk to someone, it's not that he won't agree to it, he would, but that he could never actually get away from his job to go. He is never able to make appointments, something always comes up, probably 95% of appointments I make for him, he doesn't go to. I don't even bother anymore.

I've tried not to make this a vent on DH, that is not my intention, DH really is a caring person, he just doesn't understand me right now, heck, I barely undertand myself right now.
I just don't know how to support him right now , DH really needs alot of support all the time. I joke around that I was the one birthing dd while supporting HIM through it, but it's the truth, it's the way it is in our relationship.
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Every relationship has it's ups and downs. My dh never saw his parents disagree or argue(trust me, they have plenty to argue about), he thought that was the way life was. The first time we had a fight he thought our relationship was over. People change, situations change, needs change. Right now, sick and pg and taking care of another child, your needs have changed. Life isn't always easy and it's certainly not always pretty, but it gets better and worse and hopefully better again.

I had a breezy pregnancy with my ds, piece of cake. With dd I was sick the minute I got pregnant and stayed that way until the minute she was born. It was a big adjustment for my dh not to have his "superwife" running things the way they had always been. But we got through it, by working together and talking about our frustrations.

Good luck!
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can you write something to him now, while you're very "sane" and able to really go there? the 1st trimester SUCKS (at least it did for me both times) and i'm sure if he sticks it out a few more weeks he'll see his lovely wife return
but if you think he really needs some affirmation now, i'd write it down so you don't have to call upon it in the moment because let's face it...that's gonna be tough.
*HUG* good luck!
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Hey! I'm in your DDC and I can relate to your current difficulties. My dh definitely cognitively gets the issue (I'm sick, he needs to support me through that) but in reality, he has a hard time executing things the way he should, kwim. Early pregnancy is hard on the entire family, especially with dh's like ours...
We've been fighting a lot more than usual and that's hard on everyone. He has a hard time understanding that this isn't me. I just can't wait to get out of this first trimester hell where I feel like aliens have taken over my body. Sorry I don't have any good advice.
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I'm in your DDC too and I can also relate. My dh is trying to be good about it but it's hard. He has complained and just been in a bad mood over it. I feel like our whole family starts to fall apart when I'm in my first trimester. But it doesn't last (for most women, thank goodness).
I must admit I am no where as nice and understanding as you are because I do basically tell my dh to suck it up. And that when I feel like sh!t/barfing 24/7 I really don't want to hear him talking about his needs. I tell him to talk to me next trimester. I also make it very clear that when he complains it stresses me out pretty bad and makes me feel much sicker. So it's really not productive on his part. Probably not the best approach but when I feel this bad I just don't have the energy or tolerance for anything else. I'll probably get flamed for that but oh well it's honest.
Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheacoby
...I must admit I am no where as nice and understanding as you are because I do basically tell my dh to suck it up. And that when I feel like sh!t/barfing 24/7 I really don't want to hear him talking about his needs. I tell him to talk to me next trimester.


I love this! That's pretty much me...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheacoby
I also make it very clear that when he complains it stresses me out pretty bad and makes me feel much sicker. So it's really not productive on his part. Probably not the best approach but when I feel this bad I just don't have the energy or tolerance for anything else. I'll probably get flamed for that but oh well it's honest.
You won't get flamed by me...I totally hear you on this one! I also tell dh that when he acts like that he makes me more sick, because he really does. I think he's starting to get it!
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