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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does your DH "blame" himself if it doesn't happen?<br><br>
My DH gets really bummed and says things like" I knew something was wrong with my sperm this time around..." etc.<br><br>
I try to tell him that it takes a little while and that it's a very "complicated" process...etc. etc. I never make it seem like it's his "fault". We've gotten pregnant twice before (m/c...) so I'm not sure why he gets so down on himself. I let him know that some things are not "in our control"...like a new life forming inside!!! TTC can be stressful enough...<br><br>
Anyone else feel like this?
 

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Yeah, my hubby feels like this every now and again. He even felt like I would conceive with someone else immediately, just not him.<br><br>
It is hard to help him over feeling inadequate, when I am fighting the same feelings. And it isn't in my control, so thaat is a whole different issue for us as well.<br><br>
I know it is going to happen. I can't honestly imagine me not having kids ever. It just doesn't seem possible.
 

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I sometimes suspect my DH does that, but he seems to take a good SA to heart. We seem to take turns being discouraged and who ever isn't discouraged goes into "buck up, it will happen" mode<br><br>
I fall into self blame. When I have my period I just go into wanting to apologize to him for letting us both down, even though my DH points out that there is no reason to believe it's me.<br><br>
I think it's in part just a way to express a sadness that feels too large to contain. It's easier to move to blaming yourself than it is to just grieve. Plus if it's your fault, than there must be something you can do about it, much easier than facing the mystery of why you're not holding a baby
 

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When I miscarried, the pregnancy had been a surprise. We were happy about it once we got used to the idea, and made lots of proud jokes about dh's super sperm that made it past the cervical cap and the nonoxynol-9. When we lost the baby, he got really down on himself. Like, maybe his sperm wasn't so hearty after all. It was really sad. I was feeling guilty too, like maybe I shouldn't have taken 2 plane trips or worked out at the gym. Even our 3 year old was blaming herself about it.<br><br>
It's really sad. I'm sad for you and your dh.<br><br>
Maybe making him some sort of special tea or trail mix or herbal syrup or something that is supposed to be good for his guys would help him feel more confident? Something as simple as snacking on pumpkin seeds....
 

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I used to feel that way. My dh blamed himself/his swimmers until he got his SA. It's an easy test and now we know that he has uber sperm<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> and he feels much betta <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> On the other hand, now we know that I'm the problem and I've had to deal with that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/crap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crap">....but, still, it's better to know (imo).<br>
I totally reccomend your dh getting a sa. And a nice romantic date for the two of you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for your replies.<br><br>
Hera, sorry about your loss. It's hard.<br><br>
So interesting about blaming versus grieving. It'll happen. I sometimes get so impatient!!
 
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