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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been back at work for 2 weeks. I work in theater, so I have rehearsals 6 days a week that take me away from home for 4-6 hours at a time. Dh takes our ds (2 1/2 months old) when I'm at rehearsal. When I get home, ds has been crying nonstop except for a 10 minute nap and a bottle of ebm. Dh is worn out.<br><br>
5 minutes after I get back, ds is calm even if I haven't nursed him.<br><br>
Talking to dh, I can't think of anything else he could try. How am I help my two guys? Am I going to have to take ds to rehearsal with me (and let my work suffer because my attention is divided)?
 

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Yikes. How long have you tried this arrangement? Perhaps (I hope...) it's because ds and dh aren't yet accustomed to spending so much time in each other's sole company? Has dh tried all the usual things, like walking/bouncing/dancing with ds in a sling, music or no music, putting ds in a swing or other type of chair that might (at least for 15 minutes or so) help calm him, or rocking and soothing in his arms? What does your dh do to try to calm him?<br><br>
I recall that, around this age, dd (whom I was at home with at that time) was VERY irritable in general, but particularly in the evenings. Things calmed down after about 3 months of age.<br><br>
Everyone's nerves must be really rattled! I hope something works out soon!
 

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Gosh, that is sooo tough. What about wearing a tshirt of dh's to bed, and lettign Dh wear that to try and calm the baby? maybe just your comforting smell will help. Also, have you ever read the happiest baby on the block by dr harvey carp? it talks about using the 5 s's to calm crying babies - a tight swadding, shhing (loud enough to be heard over the cries), swaying/rocking, side laying (on the baby can upset babies), and sucking (on a bottle, finger, paci, etc).<br><br>
This really helped Dh calm julia when she would get mad. Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the suggestions. The two things dh hadn't tried were the swing - now borrowed from a friend and set up to try tonight - and my wearing one of dh's shirts for him to wear while I am gone. I'll try the t-shirt tonight for tomorrow.<br><br>
Luckily dh has some good friends with slightly older kids who keep reminding him about how much their kids didn't like being left with daddy when they were young - and how much their kids like to be with them now. He's being a great sport. It's just exhausting for us both.
 

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It took our dd a little over 2 weeks to get into the new routine when I started back to work. Her unhappiness waned rather quickly once she got used to the new arrangements, and now she does just fine (sniff) without me...
 

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DH used to turn the vacuum cleaner on. For some reason DD liked the sound of it. It is a little like a very loud Shhh. Of course DH never actually moved the vacuum cleaner around and cleaned the floor, but whatever.<br>
Eventually they got used to each other. I also stopped "rescueing" them as soon as she started to cry. So he got better at comforting her. ANd taking her outside at some point worked wonders too. So DH would walk around with her outside.<br><br>
DD was a pretty fussy baby in the evenings too so we got lots of experience but there was just a lot of crying.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Things are going a little bettter now. DH can usually get DS to nap in the swing for a little.<br><br>
Unfortunately, DS has now completely rejected the bottle, so if he gets hungry before napping, he melts down and cries until I get home.<br><br>
The only thing that seems to help is having people over to keep DH company. DS is less fusssy (though still won't eat) and DH gets a break.
 

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Is there any possibility that you could take ds along and wear him in the sling? Last time I left my ds with dh, he cried for over an hour. Now I just take him with me and keep him in the sling. If I need to stand and rock during a meeting, I do that. The only responses I get from people are "Oh, a baby! How cute!" or "Oh, I didn't know there was a baby here!" So basically, I do the "rather ask for forgiveness than permission" thing, but it works. With the sling, I've found that my child easily goes with me to places where others fear to bring their children. DS is a high-needs baby. My personal opinion is that he goes along well because he is an AP baby, but I don't say that publically for fear I might hurt some poor mama's feelings and I simply don't want to have to deal with that.<br><br>
Bottom line, I assume it's okay to take ds with me rather than assuming it isn't. So far, I have yet to be wrong...
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I have been taking ds with me as often as I can. He was really happy in the sling. The problem is that in rehearsal, he distracts me too much even when he is being good.<br><br>
About a week ago, ds started sleeping through most of the time he was with dh. That was a major improvement.<br><br>
The show I was working on opened this week, so I am no longer in rehearsal, so we have a break from my evening work. Hopefully by the time I start my next project, ds will be happier being left with dh. Also, he will have started solids by then, so it will be easier for dh to feed him.
 
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