[Phoebe]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I need help in how to handle this!
Dh and I have 2 dogs, one that is 10 and the other that is 16. The 16yr old, Shadow, a black lab mix, was my husband's dog long before I met him. They are very attached. Over the last few years Shadow's health has deteriorated with arthritis (not to mention that she recovered from a stroke about 7 yrs ago which has been kept in check with meds). It used to take her 10 minutes to climb up and down the stairs, which is the only way to the out doors. It was clearly painful for her. She has also been pooping and occasionally peeing in the house for well over a year now. She began loosing control of her bowels in her sleep over the past 6 months. Often, when she would poop outside it would be right in front of the door and then she would step in it and get it all over her. This dog is a shell of what she used to be. She hardly waggs her tail anymore. Over 3 weeks ago she took a spill down the back stairs. She hurt her back leg and could no longer walk. I took her to the vet the next morning and he said to up her dose of anti-inflamatory that she has already been on since an incident last year. If she doesn't get better within 4 days then we really have a decision to make...vet's words. I totally agreed with him. Dh and I had discussed and come to an agreement a few months back that we would not put her to sleep because of incontinence, as long as she could still walk. We agreed that if she couldn't walk, that was it. The 4 days have come and gone and she will never walk again...it is very very clear. Now, she cannot go outside at all unless my husband carries her. So, she poops in the house, tries to get away from it and ends up smearing herself with it. This dog has had more baths in the past month than her whole life.
I have had it up to my ears with dh and his dog. I am past the point of patience and comassion. I am so sad that she needs to go...but he seems to think that she "may not" be suffering. How could that be!! This is a dog that used to chase the ball all day long, beg annoyingly for food, howl and sing with joy, and chase birds. Now, she lays in one spot looking totally pathetic. If she wants to move she has to drag her back end. Some time she stands up, lunges forward and falls down. I am due to have our 2nd child in 3 months. We are planning a homebirth by the way. I'm not giving birth in a house that has had crap smeared all over it for a year! I take great pride in my job as a houswife and mother. I do everything around here. She has been on my poop list for the past year due to her daily crapping in the house, drooling all over the floor and blowing her coat CONSTANTLY. I do not do animal hospice care, not simply because my husband is too selfish to do what is right and not what feels good. We are all suffering here...including our other dog. She is totally weirded out and nervous over Shadow's condition.

My delima:
When this began 3 weeks ago, I was very compassionate for my husband's feelings. Now it is turning in to anger and I am becoming very disappointed in him. It is starting to affect how I veiw him as a man.
How to approach this? From the beginning I did not want ANYTHING to do with his decision to euthanize her. I wanted him to come to that conclusion on his own. I don't want to badger him into killing his dog basically.

I am a HUGE dog lover. But this situation has made me bitter and never want another dog after these 2 are gone.

Please share some wisdom on this, yall!

amy

 

[gnutter]

No good advice but I have been in your exact situation. Dh had a Shitzu that his mother gave him. She passed away a few years later. The dog hated me she behaved as I was the other woman-she would pee on my things etc. I was fairly patient about it and even a little amazed at her ability to disinguish my belongings from everyone elses. Anyway-she was mature when dh got her and we had her for another 10 years-she began to go blind, was deaf and began having problems with peeing in the house even when I was home to let her out. I was such a wimp about it all. I was angry at having to deal with it and not sure at all how to handle it. One night the day before a terrible ice storm she got out of the house-being blind she would wander off-so you had to stay with her when she got out-we never found her. Talk to your dh that things will just get worse for the dog-I hate to think of dh's dog freezing in that storm blind and lost. I walked around our neighborhood at 3:00 a.m. looking for her-even though she made me mad I just couldn't leave her outside. She would have died a peaceful controlled death if we had put her down I really believe she was at the end of her life anyway and that may be why she wandered off. So anyway, I know none of this is helpful I just wanted you to know I feel your frustration. Good luck

 

[Phoebe]

Thanks for telling me that! Your poor dog! That is absolutely horrible. I would have been out looking for her too...worried to death and cursing her all the way no less!

It is an odd spot to be in when you get to the point where you can't stand an animal but you cry everytime you think about putting her down.

 

[MamaBug]

I think you might get some good advice in Pets and that is where I am going to move this

:

 

[thekimballs]

Poor girl. I don't know that this is as much about her as it is about your husband--but he needs to know that dogs do not know about death, they don't know it's coming, they don't fear it. What they DO understand is suffering and the moment. She is not enjoying her days and can do no more of the things that make dogs happy, and is actively in constant pain, so he needs to stop being selfish and let her go.

 

[Phoebe]

Wow, in 3 years I never noticed there was a "pets" area! Thanks!

 

[Marco Esquandolas]

You ought to read one of my only posts here about my Kiley girl. **sigh**. I chose to not see how much pain she was in, how she kept getting worse and worse. I didn't want to let her go b/c I knew ending her pain would be the beginning of mine. The day I finally took her in to have her put down (this was after all the bargaining-ok, once she pees all over the house, once those meds stop helping, once she wanders off and forgets where she is one time too many, once she gets yet another uti....and on and on), the vet told me I was very UNselfish, even though my heart was broken. That vet was right. I miss her so very much-she was *my* girl, my only girl (I have human boy children), she was mine since I lived w/her mommy. I was there when she came into this world, and when she left it. Dang, losing train of thought to tears right now...anyway, he needs to let go. It isn't fair to the dog. Really, it isn't. I still feel guilty over how much pain she had to live w/daily.

 

[magemom]

I am sorry for other's losses, but I needed to find this thread. it suddenly occured to me that for over a year i have been making excuses and in denial about our 14 yo dalmation. We rescued him at 2. He was more dog than I was prepared for, but it was the right thing to do and we adjusted. DD asked to be there, and Ithink DH also. I have not asked ds#1. The hardest part for me? I need to schedule it. How do you pick the day your pet will die? He has lost most control of his back end, slips, leaks urine while he walks, poops when he climbs stairs. And he still seems happy! He is bothered (i think) when he pees in his sleep, but doesn't seem to be in pain. I too was pissed with DH for not doing this, but he doesn't want to either. He has gone with me to the vets several times this past year as we try differnt meds, foods, suppliments. I am upset with myself- I am tired of shampooing carpets and doing "pee" laundry everyday. I am tired of the smell. I am frustrated because I know it isn't a behavior thing. He hates being penned up, so the whole house has been his diaper. I don't want this to sound like it is all about me- it would be easier if he was hurt looking or had a terminal illness.

Being the grown up sucks rocks.

 

[RootBeerFloat]

You might think this is quacky, but an animal talker might be helpful. My osteopath told me this very emotional story about a dog she had and LOVED, but he was unpredictable and eventually bit someone. She had to decide if she needed to put him down, so she had an animal talker talk to him about it. He told her that he was miserable because he couldn't control himself and that he was ready to go. Sounds nutty, but I've used an animal talker with our dogs and it was really helpful. If you can find a good one (our trainer recommended ours to me), it might be worth it--and may help put your dh's mind at ease.

 

[jlutgendorf]

Hugs to you, your husband and your dog.

This is never an easy decision for people. Some of the best advice I've gotten is to sit down and ask the animal what they want.

Ask your husband to take her to her favorite spot in the house or in the yard. Give him time to be alone with her with no distractions. He needs to talk to her, tell her how much he loves her, and ask her if she's ready to go. Tell him to look into her eyes, and she will tell him if she's ready to go. Chances are, he may see that she's already left him and it's just her body hanging on for him.

Also tell him that she has spent her whole life serving HIM. trying to please HIM. Now it's his turn to do the best he can for HER. And that may mean giving her a peaceful exit from this world. It may hurt him greatly, but it's really the greatest gift that anyone can give a beloved pet. To let them go with dignity and grace.

And also try to have some compassion for your husband. This girl is his first baby and he's been watching her slowly deteriorate and die in front of his eyes. It's hard to accept that those you love can't be with you forever.

Hugs again to all of you in this difficult time!

~Julia

 

[Marco Esquandolas]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jlutgendorf Some of the best advice I've gotten is to sit down and ask the animal what they want.

I will preface by saying I'm a hormonal mess, but I actually did this. I laid down w/Kiley and asked her what she wanted. I talked about doggy friends who had passed and asked if she wanted to be w/them again. She LIT UP. Licked my face, got that happy pit bull grin. Then I asked if she wanted to stay here w/us. She put her face down in mine and huffed. THAT is how I knew..........

 

[serenetabbie]

I have no advice. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I hope the dog's passing is peaceful and swift.

 

[Canadianmommax3]

Quote:

Originally Posted by phishmama I will preface by saying I'm a hormonal mess, but I actually did this. I laid down w/Kiley and asked her what she wanted. I talked about doggy friends who had passed and asked if she wanted to be w/them again. She LIT UP. Licked my face, got that happy pit bull grin. Then I asked if she wanted to stay here w/us. She put her face down in mine and huffed. THAT is how I knew..........

ok now you've made me cry

so sad.

 

[Lula's Mom]

aw, I'm so sorry. I know it is hard, for both you and your husband. It does sound like it's her time to go, but your husband has to face it and make peace with it or he will be resentful of you 'pushing him'.

As for sitting with the dog and communicating. I highly recommend this too. At the end of March, I made a Friday appointment to put down my 13.5 year old dog (she was a Pit Bull, too, phishmama). She had pancreatic cancer, and her muscled body wasted away while her abdomen grew with the tumors. She had also lost control of her bodily functions. But I was still wishing and rationalizing and not at all sure that it was the right thing or the right time!

That Wednesday the whole family was out playing in the backyard. It was a beautiful evening. Troll came and sat right next to me. I looked at her and she looked back at me, and suddenly her eyes got very intense. Over a few months, she had slowly been getting more and more vague, sometimes just standing or lying down and looking off into the distance at nothing. They were dull instead of bright and shiny. But in this one moment, she was the young dog that I knew again, my doggie soulmate. We had always talked to each other without words.

Then she gave me a quick lick, right on the mouth, which is something she rarely did. She wasn't a big kisser. We looked at each other again and I knew she was telling me that she was ready, that it was OK and I shouldn't second-guess myself anymore. Here are 2 pictures of her from that night.

I hope your husband can find the same kind of peace, and let go of his own beloved dog.

 

[shelbean91]

Our rott had to be put to sleep almost 2 years ago. He was dh's dog, though we had been together for a couple of years when dh got him at 11 weeks. He was 10 1/2. I thought he should have been put down a few months before he was, but meds were managing his pain. We finally KNEW it was time when he stopped eating/drinking. I didn't talk to him but i'm pretty sure dh did. It was WAY harder on dh than on me or the kids, but it was still hard.

We found a vet who came to the house to put him to sleep and take him away to be cremated. I had to pick up his remains a couple of weeks later. That was much harder on me than I anticipated.

 

[Canadianmommax3]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lula's Mom aw, I'm so sorry. I know it is hard, for both you and your husband. It does sound like it's her time to go, but your husband has to face it and make peace with it or he will be resentful of you 'pushing him'. As for sitting with the dog and communicating. I highly recommend this too. At the end of March, I made a Friday appointment to put down my 13.5 year old dog (she was a Pit Bull, too, phishmama). She had pancreatic cancer, and her muscled body wasted away while her abdomen grew with the tumors. She had also lost control of her bodily functions. But I was still wishing and rationalizing and not at all sure that it was the right thing or the right time! That Wednesday the whole family was out playing in the backyard. It was a beautiful evening. Troll came and sat right next to me. I looked at her and she looked back at me, and suddenly her eyes got very intense. Over a few months, she had slowly been getting more and more vague, sometimes just standing or lying down and looking off into the distance at nothing. They were dull instead of bright and shiny. But in this one moment, she was the young dog that I knew again, my doggie soulmate. We had always talked to each other without words. Then she gave me a quick lick, right on the mouth, which is something she rarely did. She wasn't a big kisser. We looked at each other again and I knew she was telling me that she was ready, that it was OK and I shouldn't second-guess myself anymore. Here are 2 pictures of her from that night. I hope your husband can find the same kind of peace, and let go of his own beloved dog.

awww that is sad

 

[Marco Esquandolas]

I am one macabre woman, or a glutton for punishment, or both. I keep reading this thread. I don't know if it has helped or hurt yet and I can't stop reading it. or crying. I took pics too, well, we (dh and I) both did, of Ki's last day. I look so wrecked in them-all swollen, like her cancer belly. fuggin tumors!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, but I thought I was doing better. I wasn't. I miss my Kiley girl. I miss her soooooo much. We rode by a park yesterday and all those people running w/their dogs, I kept thinking, mmmm hmmmm, ENJOY it dammit!!!!! Dogs live wayyyy shorter lives than humans!!!! I HOPE YOU LOVE YOUR DOG!!!!!!!! Ugggghhhhh. I am so not over this. and these freakin hormones swirling-"baby" is weaning. that is what is messing me up, really. the hormones. ughhhh. I'm gonna go look at that box on my mantel now, I guess. that'll have to do, won't it? I shouldn't post this one, but I can't stop myself. There is so much I want to say about that wonderful pup who was my best canine friend. I want to honor her existence. I never thought I'd get soooo attached to a *gasp* dog, but I keep smelling her last blanket, the one that wasn't all covered in pee, and just smells like her. I remember that goofy pit bull grin-if you've ever owned or been around a pit, you know what I mean-they look like freakin dancin bears! If you've ever loved a dog, you know what I mean. I miss my Kiley girl. I thought I'd be squared away by now, but I'm not. If my kids ask me ONE. MORE. TIME!!!! for another pet, I'm gonna say something NOT nice!!!!!!!!!!! There is NO replacement!!!!!!!!!!!!! Huggin pictures sucks. Memories suck. This all sucks. thankyouverymuch. or as it is, thankyouvery little. yuck. bleh. No timeframe on mourning, huh?!!!!

So, there is the very ugly truth of letting go. I'm glad she's in peace, but I'm still working to feel that peace too. I really didn't know I could love a dog so much. I feel for anyone else who has ever loved one so much. I can say, with certainty, that letting go, fuh reak in sux!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then again, I can take solace in knowing she isn't hurting anymore. And at the end, it was about her and not me.........

 

[bu's mama]

Thanks for starting this thread. I'm actually making the decision now to put my Mushka down. She's 12.5 & has had diabetes for the last 3 years. While the diabetes is major, there are so many other little cumulative things that her quality of life is not good. I talked to the vet the other day & do feel better about my decision. It's not immediate yet but sometime within the next few weeks or so.

I thought this decision would be a lot easier to make when the time came, but it has been gut wrenching.

 

[PuppyFluffer]

I'm totally in tears here reading this thread. I too lost a fabulous it pit bull terrier type dog in April to cancer. She was a lovely girl and we all miss her a lot.

I am a pet groomer and former dog trainer. It's my profession and all I've done in my working life - since i was 13 years old and too young to legally work. I have seen many many people struggle with this decision and I have watched many of them prolong a pet's life because they could not let go. After the fact, they often feel trememdous guilt when they realize how they made their pet hang on because they couldn't let them go.

I'll share some things that I have gathered through out the years:

One of the biggest mistakes God made was not making dogs live longer.
Dog is God spelled backwards, they are here to teach us unconditional love.
The word euthanasia means mercy death. It is final favor to a friend.
When your dog is no longer full of life and the will to live it, when they have no bodily dignity, it is our final favor to them to let them go.

I think that people are afraid of having their pet put to sleep because they may not know the procedure and may fear that it is traumatic. I've worked at a few vet offices and have helped comfort and hold pets as they have been helped to pass. In general, the process is very fast and easy. The medication that is used is basically an anesthetic. It is given in a quantity to slow down the dog's bodily functions until they stop which is a matter of seconds - not minutes. It is administered via a vein, usually in the front leg. It is very very fast. As soon as the medicine is introduced, you will feel the dog relax and lose all muscle tone. They just simply slip down into your arms and that is it.

My vet came to our house to send our beloved puppy across the Rainbow Bridge. It was wonderful that she could be at home with all of us and play with her favorite toy seconds before we let her go. She was ready, I knew it, she had told me and we loved her well on her last day. I feel perfect peace because I know I timed it right. She did not suffer a moment too long because I couldn't let go. Having seen so many others do that and see their guilt and pain afterwards when they realized it ...it has helped me to be more clear on just what is quality of life.

Phoebe, I'd be gentle with your dh. Maybe share the Rainbow Bridge poem with him and suggest that it is really time to ler her go. http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

 

[azurite]

I wish I could be more thorough here but I have 2 seconds til bedtime (and a teethin' fella) I am 30 and put my 14 yo pit-like cross down in Nov. I've had her for nealy 1/2 my life and we travelled all over. She was falling down the stairs (her little rear falling ahead of her head...) and the like but mentally AOK; I made the appt many times and then cancelled b/c she seemed so good that day. I had been crying over the possibility of losing her for years (literally0 sge began to seizure as she aged and at the end of the day in bed I would cry) Then one day I had a 3:40 PM appt (all day to cancel if I needed ) and I didn't cancel... and I never cried again after a seizure-day and I never felt bad again after she fell or slipped so hard on the ice, or felt bad when she couldn't play fetch w/ lincoln and me anymore... And I felt a lot less guilty after I put her to sleep...I felt almost no loss (well, immediatly- I get teary eyed thinking about her but I finished the years of sobbing the moment she took her last breath...)and actually regretted not doing it earlier. If I would've known the relief we would both get from it and how un-guilty I would feel I would've never missed my first appt.
I hope this helps- I was truly amazed. My heart goes out to you and yours! Blessings