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If there's any money around, he needs to spend it. He doesn't keep track of what he spends, used to save receipts but doesn't anymore. If I try talking to him about this, he usually gets mad and starts pouting like a child. He comes up with crazy ideas about how we can save money, and they sound great sometimes, but then he talks about what to spend the saved money on <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh"> .<br><br>
He has no financial goals, I have some I'd like to reach someday, but he refuses to listen to them. He's impulsive, always needs to go somewhere to buy something, no matter how small. But of course we can't just get that small thing, no, we have to go other places as well, stop to get gas, etc. so it always costs more of course.<br><br>
Then if he knows I'm going somewhere while he's at work, he asks me to stop somewhere to get him whatever, and makes me feel really bad if I say no, like it shows him if I love him if I get his stuff. I can't ever seem to have time to myself, he seems to intrude on it by having me get his stuff, therefore I'm thinking about him.<br><br>
I am getting so fed up with it, he will not stick to a budget no matter how hard I try to make one. Our finances are getting all messed up again, and we're not going to make ends meet much longer. I don't know what to do. I'm ready to give HIM the bills, the checkbook, and say GOOD LUCK, call me when you have it figured out.<br><br>
Thanks for reading if you got that far, I just really needed to vent <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/rant.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rant"> !
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> I am your husband. Well not really but I have the same problem <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I have noticed I buy things more when I am feeling unhappy or out of control in other areas of my life. Like right now,I just went back to work after having a baby and I am constantly itching to spend money on stupid things.<br>
Also, my father has a shopping problem. He loves it. He can drive to 10 stores to get hte cheapest of sometihng they don't really need. It is a way for him to have something to do if he is bored or want to escape.<br><br>
Not really sure where I am going with this other than to say there may be an underlying issue driving your DH to want to spend.
 

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This would drive me mad. Thankfully my DH is more of a saver than a spender, but he spends more than me. What gets me is that I will go without something to try to make a financial goal. But then he might buy whatever. So I not only didn't make the financial goal, I didn't get the thing I went without either. And there's nothing I can really do about that.<br><br>
The other day I felt really hurt because I noticed DH had new shoes on his feet. They were WalMart shoes and on sale for $15, so it wasn't a big deal. But I felt really hurt because DH knew that I have no sneakers (I run... I honest to god run wearing 10 year old ankle boots because I have no sneakers) and no winter boots (I live in Massachusetts. I need winter boots, especially since I don't even have a viable alternative in sneakers). I have 3 pairs of shoes: the falling-apart ankle boots, a pair of Tevas (also a decade old but holding up very nicely), and a pair of fancy leather knee-high boots my mom bought me last year. Oh, and I do have a pair of slippers for around the house. That's IT. I'm sure many people think, stop punishing yourself and get some damn sneakers. But I feel like I would, if we ever had extra money. But we don't. Anytime any extra money pops up, it gets spent.<br><br>
But to be TOTALLY FAIR I spent $50 on a pastured Thanksgiving turkey. So I do spend money. But then again, I can't remember the last time I blew money like that, plus we figured out that the turkey will actually give us $50 worth of meat (we spend about $25 a week, and it'll be about 2 weeks of meat for us) so we didn't even really spend extra. Sigh.
 

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Well she said (pernillep)what I was going to say. Try to get dh to look at the underlying issue that are driving him to impulsively or even compulsively spend. It's usually unhappiness, boredom or insecurity or just a bad habit that has developed because of these issues. I also hate to bring this up but compulsive shopping is a symptom of bipolar.<br><br>
Maybe your goals aren't enough for him. Maybe they're too far in the future so he can't see the payoff. Maybe they are not exciting enough for him. Brainstorm ways to make the goals very real world and with a big payoff for him.<br><br>
for me, it took the goal of having dh able to be home with us instead of working with me at home with the kids all the time alone. That was a big motivator for me and changed the way I thought and spent. It was a long goal 10 years of getting frugal and simple, then the last 5 or so of that 10 years devoted to his leaving work. I wouldn't have been able to do it without dh. So you may have to step up more than you want, but Dave Ramsey says usually one of the couple is the nerd and one the spender.<br><br>
Talk to him about the lack of stress when you are both on the same page and not arguing about money. It's a wonderful life that most people never get to.<br><br>
good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the responses! I told DH today that we need to sit down and go over the budget together. He said he would, so that's something. Maybe if he sees on paper just how bad it's getting, he'll open his eyes.
 
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