[Carlito's_wife]

I am so confused by DH. All he has talked about for the longest is making his little boy as soon as he got home from Iraq. But we got the + OPK yesterday so we know it is time to get to it and since getting the + he has not been able to preform and it really seems as though he doesn't want to either.

I have noticed a change in his sex drive since he got back a few months ago but now I am feeling really insulted that he had this much trouble today and yesterday.

Could it be that he is not really sure he wants to concieve right now? When I asked if that was the case he seemed offended.

And I am a woman so obviously that brings up the question "Is it me?". I don't know what is going on but I am really hurt right now.

I don't think there is any possability of us concieving this month since he is not able to BD and I am kind of thinking I want to stop TTCing.

I don't know what to do and I don't want to press the issue with him because I don't want him to start feeling inadequit if he really is having a problem not related to a fear of concieving right now.

 

[fantesia28]

I don't really know how to answer this for sure... I will tell you that my DH normally has a VERY healthy sex drive- however, I made the mistake and told him this week that I thought it was that time of month and wanted some BD and he got insulted that I was using him only to get pregnant. Of course this upset me too, but he freaked out more than I would have ever expected.

It might be an issue of him feeling too much pressure or something. Maybe you should let him know that you just want to have fun and not tell him anymore in the future about your fertile times. It might take some pressure off of him. Of course, my DH and I have conceived in the past very easily, so I don't know why he would feel pressure. I think he may have just felt used at that moment or something - I don't know... don't you wish we could read their minds sometimes?? Good luck!

 

[sky_and_lavender]

Coming back from war is obviously a very life changing and stressful (if happy) event. I'm sure it's normal to take time (probably more than a few months) for him to fully adjust to his new daily routine and life. I really doubt that "it's you."

If I were in a similar situation to you, I think I would try to be patient with him and not put too much TTC pressure on him. More pressure to perform usually leads to less desire or sexual ability in anybody (recently back from war or not), though I totally understand your feeling impatient and ready to go right now! I think your instinct to take a break is probably a good one.

I wish you and your husband the best!

 

[Spring Sun]

It is NOT you. It is always the guy. Most guys can get it up even with someone they find totally unattractive, so I am sure you are not the issue. I would say a lot happened over there, and perhaps that is affecting him. I was with someone who just couldn't sometimes, and I knew it wasn't me, he just had stress or things on his mind. I would give him some space and then maybe try a little harder (try to slowely turn him on). I would not bring up the not-being-able-to, I would just ask him if he wants to talk about anything.

Sorry, mama, I can imagine that would suck having to wait another month.

s.

 

[MRJmama]

I would guess it has more to do with him and what he has been through than with you. Not only mentally but physically things can be very different after going through what he has been through.

 

[Kaitnbugsmom]

my husband is normally all about lovemaking, but in the three weeks since he returned from Iraq, our sex life has seriously diminished. I obviously can't see inside your hubby's head but as one vet's wife to another, I feel reasonably sure in saying it's not you and not that he doesn't want to have a baby with you.

Is he being treated at all for PTSD, TBI or anything of either sort?

 

[MaerynPearl]

I'm going to have to go with agreeing that...

It's not you.

It's Iraq.

And no matter how strong the man is, some of the things that happen over there can mess with them for a while after they get home.

It took dbf two years to stop freaking out when he heard fireworks after being in an ambushed convoy near fallujah. Another friend of mine had nightmares for a year and half after he came back, and he never actually SAW any action, but the things he heard about just chilled him.

 

[Carlito's_wife]

Yeah, you know you guys are right. I guess we have been through so many deployments to Iraq (that was his 4th) that I forget just because I am used to him being gone doesn't mean he is used to being over there.

I think I will just back off for a while and let him return to his normal or somewhat normal mindset.

I feel kind of bad for being so selfish as to think it would be about me. It is obvious he is under a lot of stress just returning and we are also getting ready to PCS in a few months as well as this Christmas will be the first time his family meets my children who are from a previous marriage.

I mean that would probably be my breaking point. I get to put the TTC stuff aside right now and do the good wife thing. Making him feel happy is a lot more rewarding than grueling months of bfn's anyways.

Thank you guys for your input.

 

[Spring Sun]

I think most women have a hard time not thinking it is them right away. And you have been waiting for this, so I don't think it is selfish at all. You want to have a baby with the man you love. Hang in there, with no pressure he might come around sooner.