Mothering Forum banner

1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
131 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Has anyone else's significant other asked the due date? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: I am just a little shocked, a little stunned and I guess now that I type this not too terribly surprised as he has not brought up the baby subject more than a couple of times. Now I have a belly photo shoot and he wants to come and be a part of it, after I have picked names, bought car seat, packed clothes for me and DD, set up co-sleeper, etc. etc... Just looking for support I guess. Why are men so unsensitive and every other adjective I can't use?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,220 Posts
My dh did. It was awhile ago, but still. I do kinda expect it from him, he is very forgetful and he is under a lot of stress at work. That is actually when he called me, at work to find out when exactly my due date was so he could put in leave papers, and then I saw the leave papers and he missed by a day anyway<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> That is why we call him old man...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
764 Posts
Yeah don't feel bad, same here.<br>
It WAS a while ago, a month or so.<br>
2 weeks ago he told his friend I had two more months to go..<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"><br>
He also keept talking about portrait pictures, but he won't even take pictures with our own camera. 3 more weeks to go. I'm not letting it get to me, I came to realize there is no point to stress or feel upset. This baby is coming soon and I want her to feel my happyness and not my stress and she comes into this world. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
131 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Island_Mama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7284437"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This baby is coming soon and I want her to feel my happyness and not my stress and she comes into this world. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Thank you for this perspective. I have more to focus on than the small stuff!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,169 Posts
Oh my poor dh had it wrong -- he was telling someone I was due March 5th, which in his defense, isn't too far off from the 1st... but still. March 1st is such an easy date to remember! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Not that it really matters when the EDD is, but it's just funny that March 1 is seared in my brain and he really has no idea. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
791 Posts
Men have a different perspective on birth, IMO.<br>
My DH once compared the birth to "a procedure" like having a cyst drained or something. It almost put me off having him present at the birth.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,494 Posts
Dh and the midwives all can't seem to get that my due date is the 14th. They all keep saying the 15th, which granted is only one day and "due dates" are totally useless in my opinion. But still! I like that number in my head as my way of gauging my timeframe and my progress. I'm annoyed they all just can't move 24 hours. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,354 Posts
Well I think with DHs/DPs (and likely others that are close to us) it's just not as real until the actual birth. Even those who are super involved just can't be at the same physcial and emotional level as we are. . the focus just isn't there. I also think that many have a lot of fear. . of the unknown, watching their partner go through the pain of labor. . you name it. This fear (and the inability to process it), I believe, leads to a lot of subconcious avoidance. . not remembering things that we think are important. . not being as involved/helpful as we'd like.<br><br>
I tend to TRY to think of pregnancy being hard on the guy as well, just in a different way. . and they don't have as much opportunity for venting and support that we do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,493 Posts
I'm 100% percent sure that my DH couldn't tell you our EDD - he would say "march - early, but she has 2 due dates." I'm also sure he doesn't remember the name of our homebirth midwife, who he's met 2ce. This is something I've come to accept about him. He counts on me to keep the details straight, I count on him for lots of other things. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, that he won't be a supportive coach in labor, that he isn't very eager and excited to meet the new baby, or that he won't love this child whole-heartedly. He'll do all of those things - and be very attentive and supportive as I recover and we adapt to the new baby.<br><br>
We actually have so little time together these days, we spend it focusing on what needs to get done around the house, making sure he gets quality time with DD, making sure I get some "alone time" while I can, taking care of family obligations - we have very little time to talk about the baby. I wish we had more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,666 Posts
Oh goodness, I'm sure my husband has asked 3 or 4 times, and if I asked him now when my due date was, he wouldn't have a clue except "March" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">. At least he cares enough to ask, yk? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
He very much sees this as my thing and not his - not that he doesn't love our children very much, and he is a great dad, but he says being the dad in pregnancy/birth is "like being the carrot in the school play." Ah well, he's a wonderful man and I suppose I don't have to fault him for not beiing the earthybirthy dad. It's just not him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,200 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bemommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7286797"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I tend to TRY to think of pregnancy being hard on the guy as well, just in a different way. . and they don't have as much opportunity for venting and support that we do <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Wow, you make a really good point...we're getting all the attention and our DH's aren't really allowed to express their feelings to anyone but us (or even asked how they are doing). I've been upset quite a bit at how little my DH has contributed during the last 7.5 months, but it does now help to think about his perspective a little.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,493 Posts
Well, DH came home today for valentine's and I just asked him when our due date is. His answer: "No. Why? Do I need to know?" I told him about this thread, and he said that he knew our birth *month* and when I asked what that was he said, "The one after this one" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,938 Posts
Well, my DH is the opposite. He wants to know so he has asked several times when my dd is. I almost always give him a vague answer (end of Feb, even though it is March 1st). It helps ME mentally not to have any set date in mind, and I don't want HIM to be thinking of one either. I have told him, but I remind him that both of our DDs were born a bit early, so it is too hard to go by an actual due date.<br><br>
Anyway, audeesmom, what I get from your overall post is not so much that he doesn't know the dd, but that you feel he has been uninvolved overall. I think sometimes it is not only not "real" to men, but sometimes I think they get very overwhelmed by the thought of a new baby and can't deal with it. We women usually talk our heads off and seek support, while many men just aren't even aware of how they feel, much less try to find help for their anxiety. So, it could be that he is scared, not uncaring.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
733 Posts
LOL my dh has asked me many times when the due date is or how many weeks left. I think it is funny and it doesn't bother me especially since we have lived at this house for 6 years and he still doesn't know the address!!
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top