[tana'smama]

So I totally oppose cir's and I attempted to tell DH that there really isn't a good reason (medical or any other) to have it done but he is absolutely adament that other boys will make fun of him in school and when he is older women will laugh at him. I don't know how to change his way of thinking and I get so mad that society has come to something like this when there isn't a justifiable cause to even doing the cir.

Any ideas on how I can change his mind? I'm due in two months so time is running out....

 

[mysticmomma]

Well, in the locker room... "Dude, why are you looking at my penis?"

 

[Calidris]

somehow, I don't think most little boys are going to be that penis obsessed

(plus circ rates are changing, by the time he is in school the numbers will be closer to balanced)

 

[mntnmom]

Does he know any non-circ'd guys, or this just one of those things he's heard? I've heard stories about "some boy my friend's cousin's brother knew in grade school", but my DH is partially circ, (looks intact, didn't actually know he was cut until he was 39!) NEVER had a comment during school, or 20 yrs in the Army. Has had no issues with girls, myself included.
Between 80 and 90% (depending on the study) of men worldwide are intact, and they somehow manage to get women to sleep with them.

 

[tana'smama]

If I could only convince my husband of how times are changing. I cannot believe how strong he feels about this. He was so mad when we discussed it that he said that I will not allow him to make ANY of the decisions when it comes to our children. Which isn't necessarily true--I do feel strongly about not-vaxing and not circ but according to him that is ALL the decisions. I just want to scream!

 

[lawmama1984]

Hi! My DH was also on the circ bandwagon during the pregnancy until we were lucky enough to get the true information on it from our OB and our doulas. We watched many youtube videos, researched on websites and spent a lot of time discussing the issue. In the end, my DH changed his mind...so just know it can be done!

As to boys making fun of him. I am sure you have heard that circumcision rates are on the decline in the States. This may sound sort of abstract if you aren't seeing it. I can tell you that I worked in a daycare center in college for about 2 years off and on, and it IS true. About half of the boys were intact (lucky them!). I can assure you that there were no comments made or making fun of other boys for the way their penis looked. The kids were mostly focused on the differences between little boys and little girls. As he gets older, if other boys are making fun of his penis (which I sincerely doubt), I would just make sure you have prepared him with a repertoire of witty comebacks (perhaps focusing on why other boys are staring at and worrying about his penis!)

As to changing his mind. I am not sure how your hospital or pediatrician works, but where I delivered and in my original pediatrician's office, circumcision was not performed without the mother's signed consent (I don't think this is the case everywhere, but I would check). The bottom line is that it is your job to protect your son. These reasons your husband are giving for circ'ing your son are not compelling and have been disputed by many different sources. This may sound trite, but if your DH was deadset on tattooing your DS or piercing his ears right after birth, would you feel compelled that you had to change his mind? No, because no one would agree that doing these things would be acceptable. It is just sad that in our society, a boy's genital integrity is not as protected as it should be.

Please, please, please for your son's sake. Look around this forum and to other resources on the net and get the true information on circumcision to pass on to your husband. Make him watch the graphic videos. Your son will thank you for respecting his bodily integrity when he gets older, and if he should make the choice to circumcise when he is older, at least you know you left that choice to him. There is no reason anyone else should be making decisions about altering the natural and healthy state of your son's genitals.

Good luck and just know there are a lot of us here to support you!

 

[emamum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mysticmomma Well, in the locker room... "Dude, why are you looking at my penis?"

that ^^

 

[mntnmom]

I would be frustrated too. But the way DH and I look at it: If we disagree about something, and one option can't be changed later (taking out a loan etc), the party who says "no" wins.
If it's a problem, your boy can always choose to get cut later (when he's old enough for proper pain meds), but if you choose it for him now, it can't EVER be undone!!

 

[tana'smama]

I told DH that I just couldn't mutilate my baby like that but since he already had a son with his first wife he commenced to telling me how his other son didn't flinch, cry or make a sound during his circ.

I just need to scream....how do I protect my little boy? I've told him how strongly I feel about this. I've told him that I will not allow it to happen but it is creating a big wall between us.

 

[tana'smama]

So a couple of you mentioned videos or youtube videos--can anyone provide links so that I let my DH see?

Thanks to all of you for letting me vent here...

 

[lawmama1984]

Tana, I can see this is causing you a great deal of emotional anguish. I am sorry for that

As to how you protect your son...you protect him by saying "NO!" plain and simple. Bottom line. Don't let him out of your sight at the hospital (or if he does have to go to the nursery, make something for his bassinet that says "no circumcision" or something equivalent). If your DH is still set on getting him circ'd after birth, I would not let him take him to the pediatrician alone.

I know this is causing a strain on your marriage, but for me personally, if it came down to it and it was either circ your son or have DH upset with me (and whatever other consequences would result from that), I would have my DH upset. Leaving your son intact is the right choice. I can see that you know that and that you want to protect your son. If this was a stranger on the street trying to do something to harm your son, how would you react? I know it isn't exactly the same, but I am just trying to put some perspective on it. Do not let a lack of knowledge on your spouse's part lead to you making an irrevocable and painful decision for your son.

Again, BIG

 

[claddaghmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tana'smama So a couple of you mentioned videos or youtube videos--can anyone provide links so that I let my DH see? Thanks to all of you for letting me vent here...

Just search circumcision on youtube.com. There's one showing a procedure and one showing how they administer pain relief before the procedure.

The ole he'll look different argument is annoying.

: Did I miss out on some cultural phenomenon in the US that says boys and men walk around showing each other their penises??? This is like the "he won't match his daddy" argument. Ugh.

 

[tana'smama]

I just watched a few youtube videos and I just want to puke...I watched a little boy get circ'd and I know that I couldn't stand the thought of my son screaming in pain like that.

I guess I need to prepare for battle with DH....

 

[eepster]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tana'smama If I could only convince my husband of how times are changing. I cannot believe how strong he feels about this. He was so mad when we discussed it that he said that I will not allow him to make ANY of the decisions when it comes to our children. Which isn't necessarily true--I do feel strongly about not-vaxing and not circ but according to him that is ALL the decisions. I just want to scream!

This article will help you understand why this is so hard on your DH. Try to be gentle but firm.

You could let him pick the babies name.

 

[Phantaja]

I never understood that argument. How often do boys whip it out at school? I don't know a whole lot about having a penis, but I do know that there is a certain bathroom code that says to look straight ahead and only straight ahead at a urinal.

I've never been with an intact man, but I'm assuming that once it's time for that kind of contact, he'll be all ready, so to speak. Doesn't the foreskin retract when a man's erect?

 

[Megan73]

I think your husband may be unaware that fewer and fewer boys are circ'd.
This link - if you scroll down - includes current rates by region. If you're in the southern region 45% of boys were intact in 2006 and the rate has fallen every year since the early 1990s.
http://www.cirp.org/library/statistics/USA/

 

[fruitful womb]

Shun your ds over his penis status? Well, thats kind of freaky. Are other boys going to be inspecting his penis? The thought of that is so disturbing, on so many levels.

Did anyone mention the Pen and Teller BS circ episode? My dh watched that then immediately sent it to ALL of his guy friends. It was that good. Well, the message appealed to him and, as a consequence, one of his co-workers left his son intact (born a few months ago).

I just wish men would get over their insecurities. (the men who push circ so others will like their son's penis) Doesn't that just sound WRONG??

 

[BugMacGee]

Everyone should look like everyone else right?

"Shunned" over a penis??? Taunted, maybe. But heck, I was taunted for being short. I got over it. And now I'm not short, I'm petite. It's all how you frame it. BY the time your child enters the "inspection" age, I strongly suspect he won't be the only intact boy around. If he is, teach him to be proud of it.

I'm SOOOOOO glad I live in a very culturally diverse area where the "looking like everyone else" argument is completely irrelevant. No one looks like anyone else. And 60% of our parents don't circ. And that number is rising. One ped told me the other day "I can't believe we are still doing them" (Then stop!!! Duh!!!)

And what's the deal with men checking out each others genitals??? That's so...invasive.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tana'smama So I totally oppose cir's and I attempted to tell DH that there really isn't a good reason (medical or any other) to have it done but he is absolutely adament that other boys will make fun of him in school and when he is older women will laugh at him. I don't know how to change his way of thinking and I get so mad that society has come to something like this when there isn't a justifiable cause to even doing the cir. Any ideas on how I can change his mind? I'm due in two months so time is running out....

Let him know that the exact same excuses are used to get people to circumcise their daughters.

 

[candipooh]

I asked DP if he was ever made fun of (he is not cut) and he said no and then added "no one would dare make a comment about another boys penis for fear of being called gay"
But no, even in the 70's and early 80's he didn't feel different or made fun of.