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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Does anyone else have a husband who has a hard time handling toddler noise?
I am talking about the typical whining, crying, occasional tantrum, banging normal noises that toddlers make.

I am trying to figure out if it has more to do with just being the Daddy-that we Mamas have a natural inborn ability to handle noise-that it is nature's way of the baby getting the Mama's attention to nurse, to be held, etc. and so we process it differently.

Or...if my DH's problem is unique-he has some hearing damage from the military in his right ear and has ringing in that ear. He says his ears feel so sensitive-but he also has verbalized to me that he thinks other Dads probably don't like the noise either. I think I must pressure him into tolerating it so he must feel like surely he is not the only one.

He doesn't want DS to NOT make the noise...he sees that it is part of being a toddler and communication, but he literally has to wear earplugs most of the time to "take the edge" off.

Any insights???
 

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Well, I think it must be something to do with his hearing. I don't like toddler whining and crying much myself, nor does my dh, but not to the point where we have to wear earplugs. It is unrealistic to expect a toddler to not make noise, so unfortunately it sounds like your dh is going to be the one to have to find a solution for himself. Oh, if only there were a way to silence the whining and crying . . .
 

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My dh is sensitive to ds's noises too, we have to play all our noisy games while daddy is at work. If ds plays with something too noisy while dh is home, he will get up and take it away from him immediately. If it were up to me, he could bang pots and pans together all the live long day but unfortuantely dh just has zero tolerance when it comes to this. He doesn't have a problem w/crying or tantrums though...it does sound like your dh is overly-sensitive to it, hopefully you guys can find a good solution.
 

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I don't think women have any special ability to tolerate noise, but we're usually more tolerant and in tune with our children. I'm a quiet person, I like quiet, I don't like the radio or TV on and I could live happily without all the toddler noise. But I know it's not realistic to expect a toddler to be quiet so I just have to tolerate it.

My dh's play with dd is pretty noisy but he can't handle the whining, crying and screaming. But hey tough, not a lot you can do about it. I think it's more about changing dh's expectations and whenever he complains about dd's whining or crying, I just try to reframe it - e.g. when you're upset you can say why but this is dd's way of telling us she's not happy. I think my dh feels a bit of a failure if he's played with dd and tried to keep her happy and she then goes and cries over some little thing. I keep reminding him that this is how she'll learn emotional self control and if he's calm and deals with it well it'll help her rather than him getting annoyed or angry and modeling lack of self control to her. I think getting your dh to view it not so much as 'noise' but as self expression might help somewhat. He doesn't have to like it, but he does need to tolerate it.
 

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my dh seems to get frayed by whining a little faster than me, but i think it's because he's not used to it like i am.
 

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My DH has very, very sensitive hearing and has a hard time when DS shrieks or cries....or bangs pots and pans etc.

We had his hearing tested and he tested way above average...so most noises are hard for DH to deal with for long.

It can be very frustrating for me, trying to keep DS at a manageable volume. Whenever DH is not home, I encourage pot banging and shrieking etc, or when we are outside...helps ds get rid of pent up energy.

Otherwise, we try to anticipate when shrieks, etc may occur and DH either leaves the room or we divert DS's attention to a more physical activity.

Good Luck!

PS (My DH doesn't like the earplugs!)
 

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My DH's hearing is less sensitive than mine in general, but I have noticed he is much less tolerant of ds's normal noises.

Today we were in the car and ds was being his silly 2 year old happy self, excited about us taking him somewhere fun. DH kept saying "No screaming" (I didn't think he was "screaming") and I was thinking, just let him be a kid! DH has been less tolerant in general, though. Tonight at dinner he corrected ds for using his fingers to scoop up some of his food and dh told him no, to only use his spoon.


I think maybe my DH is not around ds all day and then on the weekend he doesn't know what our normal state of being is. Also, I think since ds turned two and is looking more like a little boy instead of a baby, he all of a sudden has these higher expectations for behavior.

With your DH, though, it does sound like maybe he is extra sensitive, with the earplugs and all. I wonder if the ringing in the ears might be exacerbated by toddler shrieking?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks for the posts, mamas.

I try to foster COMPASSION in my life: for people around me, for myself, etc. Something struck me the other day regarding mama struggles vs. daddy struggles.

If most of us would be compassionate to a mama on this board who was struggling with being a good mama to her children-a mama on the PPD board, or a mama just having a tough day...I wonder how many of us would have the same patience and compassion for someone's husband who was struggling as papa?

Just food for thought...actually quite random and not related to this post
 

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It might get better as your son's voice changes. My dh had the same problem when dd was, hmmm maybe 10mos to 16 mos. He has hearing damage too. It stopped bothering him when she grew a little, so we guessed it was that particular frequency (or would that be tone?). Anyway, perhaps it'll get better for your dh too.
 

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My Dh cannot stand it when Ds cries. He says it "goes right through him". He watched Ds on Tuesday while I went to Weight Watchers and after the meeting I stopped to get some groceries so I got home about 20 min later than normal. Dh was so upset. He looked like some kind of mad scientist or something. He said Ds was crying and he couldn't get him to stop. He said he can't take it and if he does it again this evening he'll have to leave the house. Needless to say I was very disappointed in my Dh. I usually hold him in very high regard and to hear him acting so immature really set me back. I still am not over it.
 

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Well, I think I would feel the same type of compassion for a dad as for a mom if it was him who posted the question. It is hard to feel compassionate for someone I don't have any connection with really. Maybe your dh should hang out over at hte dad's forum

As to your original question - my dh has migraine headaches and often walks around with earplugs since he can't stand the noises of our 2 dds who each try to tell the story louder than the other. The stupid appt. is tiled and small, so sounds are really awful and it does get to me as well.
He only has to remember taking the earplugs out before going out or someone might mistake him for Herman Munster...

(I mean he's pretty goodlucking guy, just the things sticking out the ears looke a bit off)
 
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