[KyleAnn]

I have been going over this in my head since the conversation happened last night, and I really don't know what to make of it....
My dh plays softball every Monday night, so Colin and tried to go to the game...it was a disaster (typical), Colin wouldn't listen to me, he kept running away, running into the dugouts...I would pick him up once I caught him, then he would kick and scream, fighting to be put down. We were a long way from home, so just going home wasn't an option, so we went to McDonalds

: to get out of there. Once there, he refused to sit down and eat-he was jumping up and down in the booth, crawling under the table, he wouldn't listen to anything I asked him to do, finally I had enough and we left there too. I still didn't know what to do with him, so we went to a near by store, he sat in a cart and we walked around for a while, killing time (he was better here, he is always good at the store).
After that we went back to dh's game and found a park near there, so he played on the slides, etc for a while until it was time to go. We went back by my dh and I set Colin down and he just took off running. The kid is fast! I had to literally chase him from the bleachers, to the back fence of the outfield because he wouldn't stop, wouldn't listen.
I was pretty ragged, because I just didn't have anything left. We had suffered a similar Sat & Sun like this too, as we had IL's in town, so we were out and about.
Anyweay, on the way home dh says to me, Parker (a team mates son who is only 3 months older than Colin, who is 26 months, btw), came to the game with his mom and just sat on the bleachers and played wth a toy and watched the game...for an hour!!!! Why, he wondered was Colin such a "spaz?" I told him they just have different personalities, I guess. Colin is very, um-energetic. Even at home he's constantly mocing, jumping, doing somersaults, etc-the thing is, at home, inside, he ALWAYS listens and behaves well. My dh said, No-he's just naughty-his behavior is bad.

Well, I almost started crying? Was he telling me our son is "bad?" WTH!?
I got very defensive and said that Colin was just being a two year old little boy, and that if he did just sit there for an hour, then I would be worried, and that I thought it was a terrible thing for him to say. His reply was that he was talking about his son, and he could say whatever about his son.
At this point I was steaming so I shot back a, If you're so worried about his behavior, then maybe you should start playing more of a role in taking care of him....(a hot button issue w/us), and that was the end of it.
Is there anything at all to what he's saying? I mean, I am a first time Mom here....at the age of two should he be expected to sit nicely for an hour like that? Should he at least be able to sit down in a restaurant for 20 minutes to eat some french fries w/out acting out? Is it possible that my dh's obnoxious comments have some validity? Things like this always get into my head and make me start to doubt myself as a mother....

So, if you've read through all of this, and have any comments or advice, I would greatly appreciate them.

Really, anything you've got!

 

[stiles' mummy]

Firstly....

Colin sounds EXACTLY like my ds who just turned 2 last week and many other 2 year olds I know as well. Yes, I too would be concerned if my ds was not being his usual energetic, hyper self

In fact last night we went for a walk and my son wanted to be carried after 15 min. So NOT like him. We went home and he spiked a fever, so I knew beforehand that something must be wrong with my ds not to want to run and jump and have us chase him down I think your DH might have been more disapointed that you and Colin were not sitting in the bleachers cheering him on like his friends son. Your son is NOT bad. You know that and I'm sure your dh knows this as well. Like I said, he was probably disapointed and frustrated. What daddy doesn't want to look up and see the happy face of his DC cheering him on and smiling down at him!

Don't second-guess yourself. You're not doing anything wrong. In fact, it sounds like you are a hard working mommy trying to allow for your son to express himself while providing a safe and close at-hand approach.

I've had issues with DH as well regarding whether or not my son was being "naughty". My little guy is extremely active as well and I have to keep reminding DH that this too is his personality and that he is TWO for Gods Sake! Of course if DS does cross the line into naughtiness I will take a different course of action, but really how can you call a two year old whose energetic, excited and full of life "naughty" and I too, take most of the parenting role in our household. I think a lot of times it falls on the mothers. that's cause it comes more naturally and we have WAY more patience then most men!

 

[katallen]

He sounds like a normal 2 year old to me. Two year olds are suppossed to explore, run, and have a hard time focusing on what their parents tell them to do, that is normal. I think it is unnatural for a young child to sit for an hour. My daughter will sit for as long as it takes her to eat her food, and even then she squirms, and then she has to be free to explore again, it is just normal behavior.

 

[heket]

It's hard when you start to second guess your instincts, but I'd say you're on track.

When my dh is really frustrated with dd's high spiritedness, he also says she's being naughty (actually, he says she's acting like a "brat."

: ). I find that he has a lower energy level than her and isn't as willing to keep up because of sleep deprivation (he's a terrible sleeper and since we co-sleep, I'm certain that dd's tossing and turning some nights doesn't help.) Anyhow, I have to constantly remind him that she's not even two yet (almost, she's currently 22 months), and that while she displays a lot of learning for her age that we might have to back off and not have such high expectations. I've recently discovered that I'm often telling friends and relative "he expects a lot from her and she's not even 2!"

The newest expectation is sharing. She's recently come into self-awareness, so everything is "my" or "mine." So when she doesn't readily hand over a toy that belongs to her cousin, he immediately labels her as a "brat" because she wouldn't share.

I had to remind him that until she learns about possession, she's not ready to learn about giving it away and that it was totally unfeasible for him to expect her to share at this age.

So you're not alone and don't doubt your instincts! It just takes some gentle reminding to your partner that toddlers are little people with a lot to learn in a very short amount of time. They have good and bad days like the rest of us. Maybe you could start taking ds to other outdoor activities to help him prepare for dh's games? Or perhaps you could go early so he can expend some of his energy and then try going to the game? He might not last an hour (I can't imagine dd doing anything quiet for a whole hour!), but it might allow you to be present for say small 15 minute increments? Just ideas off the cuff...

 

[ZeldasMom]

Our 20 mo has become a real handful as of late and my DP's latest was to jokingly intone, "son, if you don't shape up I'm gonna get James Dobson on your a$$." He's copying that line from Pulp Fiction where Ving Rhames/Marsellus Wallace says "I'm gonna get medieval on your a$$."

DP doesn't actually think we should spank DS, thank goodness, but he does think we should do things like put him in time-out (hold his hands or make him sit) for 30 seconds when he does something we just told him not to do. I think he is feeling pretty exasperated.

I want to read some books so we can have a plan how we want to approach behavior issues at this age. I used to work with kids, so I feel like I have a handle on adressing behavior issues with older kids (I'm a big How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk fan), but with little ones I am still feeling my way.

To the OP, I think it would be good to avoid having a big discussion about how you want to address behavior issues when you and your DP are feeling frazzled and things have just been rough with DS. I have no suggestions beyond that at this point cuz I am kinda in the same boat. Hang in there!

 

[KyleAnn]

Thank you mamas.

Sometimes all we need is a little reassurance.

 

[LovinLiviLou]

If you're interested, you might want to check out Dr. Sear's book, The Discipline Book, (don't let the title scare you off). I love it because it talks so much about what is appropriate at each age and how to divert rather than confront and control. I think it really helped my dh understand that so much of what he thought was "bad" is normal toddler development. Sometimes they need someone other than the mom to say it before they believe it (which is a point of contention in our house!)

 

[captain optimism]

Wow, I'm jealous that your ds is so active. My ds is still a little physically awkward about running, and can't really jump at all.

He probably would have sat with me on the bench, but I would be happy if he were a fast runner right now.

Probably the other little boy who sat quietly sits quietly when he's overtired, and your Colin runs around when he's overtired. Evening baseball games, especially after a grandparent visit, are a "lousy local condition" (in the words of Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.) It's a lot of stimulation, late in the day. Plus it's asking an active person to watch other people be active while sitting still! Maybe one way to get him to sit still is to give him an extra long, late nap and bring snacks to the game?

Or maybe he can watch Daddy play a game during a weekend morning, if there is one?

Or maybe instead of watching the game, he can play catch with Daddy? I know he's not old enough to be "good at it" but it is enjoyable to see a two year old playing catch, they are soooo into it!

 

[Kira's mom]

As my mom would say "Ds wasjust doing his job!" Sometimes they are wild and sometimes they aren't.Testing boundries blah blah blah. Mydd is 27 mos and a few months ago we had some tough days. Especially with throwing her food. i bought Gentle Discipline by Dr Sears and it gave me some perspective. The thing that got me was that you "chased ds into the bleachers" what was dh doing at that time?Why were you doing all the chasing? I know he had a game, but maybe ds would listen if daddy patiently talked to him? I mean I don't even know your situation but i tell dh that if he wants to comment he better be participating. He was so worried that dd would be spoiled and now she says please, thank you, and you're welcome with no reminders from us.They call it the terrible two's for a reason and it's all part of the growing.Trust yourself you sound like a great mom.

 

[~Megan~]

I don't have a boy yet, he's still gestating, so I don't have a lot of experience. I am reading a book called "The Wonder of Boys" and just read a chapter talking about how the male brain works. One thing that really stuck out to me is that we have unrealistic expectations for kids. Why should we expect a young child to sit still on a bleacher for X hours?
One thing specific to boys was their need for space. How they go wild if they can't explore and have room. It sounds like that is what was happening with your son.