Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 58 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
596 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I could use some input on a disagreement about nursing with dh. There will undoubtedly be differences in opinion, so lets be careful so it doesn't get removed.


Here's the scenerio:

2 1/2 yo ds stilll nurses. While he does, he usually twidles my other nipple and since he is using his potty instead of diapers, he is often times bottomless if not completely naked. Lots of times while he nurses, (if he's not twiddling my nipple) he twidles his penis, which he also does alot when he's not nursing as well. So, like all little boys, his is erect often. One day, dh was home and I was nursing on the couch and the scenario was as described above. Lots of twiddling of both mine and his body parts, his thingy was erect and dh was freaked out. He didn't say too much at the time, but it has come up lots since then. He thinks this is damaging for ds and views it as sexual. I'm a little indifferent to it, it really doesn't bother me one way or another, I suppose because I'm the one nursing and can tell that it is not sexual at all. But, it is now a bone of contention between us and I think that dh would be happy if I weaned ds.

WDYT, WWYD?

Mama to 7 yo Nick and 2 1/2 yo Jon
 

· Registered
Joined
·
6,559 Posts
I wouldn't be comfortable with nipple twiddling with out without simultaneous erection fondling.
It would make me physically, and slightly psychologically possibly, uncomfortable.

I don't think weaning is necessary unless it's something you're interesting in doing.

I'm sure you can find (or be directed to by a mama here or elsewhere) some sources citing that both nipple twiddling and self pleasure are normal in a 2.5 yr old.

But again, I don't blame anyone for being uncomfortable with both happening at the same time, especially in a child who is at an age where he can be redirected or disctracted, if not simply explained that masturbation is something normal and healthy, but to be done in private.

As a side note...I'm at work, and a coworker passed by as I had just typed the 1st line. sigh....
I don't even know if I should bother hunting her down and clarifying.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
5,274 Posts
Realistically I wouldn't view it as sexual/incestuous in any way or damaging, young kids are 100% innocent about that stuff. But I would find the penis twiddling uncomfortable and weird anyway and I'd redirect the hand, cover him in a blanket or a towel maybe. The nipple twiddling would irritate me so I'd stop that right away due to physical discomfort. Maybe DH's discomfort would be enough reason to stop if even if it doesn't bother you. As for weaning, well if you and your son are ready to decrease the nursing you can but if not, don't.
 

· Premium Member
Joined
·
3,005 Posts
I don't allow nipple twiddling and never have because it drives me over the edge. I also don't allow penis fondling because it makes ME feel uncomfortable. If he has no pants on he has to keep his hands off his penis or he has to put on underwear. My nursing ds is 3 yo. I have some sensory issues so we have always had a few rules regarding nursing like no stroking my breast (hands down) and lying still so a couple new rules were no big deal.
Wendi
 

· Premium Member
Joined
·
3,220 Posts
i would be uncomfortable with both while nursing. JMHO. i always redirect DD when she tries to play with my nipple while nursing as I dont like the sensation. Playing with himself is normal but i personally think he should be doing it at another time. He is probably just doing it because it is something to do while nursing, yk like absentmindedly chewing a pencil while reading. i am sure he doesnt connect it the way your DH does. I can understand DH's reaction for what it is, but he is reading too much into it. Since DH is bothered, make sure he is wearing a diaper or pants or something while nursing and redirect his hands with a chunky necklace or a toy. Can you read him a book while nursing? DD likes that. just to distract.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
2,992 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i would be uncomfortable with both while nursing. JMHO. i always redirect DD when she tries to play with my nipple while nursing as I dont like the sensation. Playing with himself is normal but i personally think he should be doing it at another time.
Yup. I would not allow either of these things while nursing. I did not allow twiddling and I gently discourage him from fondling himself anyway ('we do that in private'). I don't blame your husband for being uncomfortable and I think you should do what you can to correct the situation so that he feels OK again.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
45,796 Posts
I wouldn't be comfortable with that scenario either. If my child kept on fondling his/her genitals in public (ie, not in the bathroom or the bedroom under blankets/door closed) then I'd make the child wear bottoms. Even for toddlers too young to grasp sexual concepts, it's about learning social boundaries. This you can do in public, this you can't. You want to play with your privates? Have fun, but do it in private.

I never allowed nipple twiddling either- not out of any sexual concerns (it's no more sexual for a child to twiddle a nipple than to suck on one) but due to my own physical comfort. I don't like how it feels to have my nipples twiddled. I simply don't allow the child to continue anything I find uncomfortable- the nursing relationship needs to work for both of us.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
1,897 Posts
I do not allow nipple twiddling when DD is nursing- and it's always a struggle to get her to stop. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts....and if she refuses to not let loose of the other boobie, she has to stop nursing.
I don't think there is anything wrong with what your DS is doing- some children like to soothe themselves more than others...and hell- it's just plain fun right...
*I* am not in your situation, but I think personally, I would redirect it and give him something else to play with. (When DD doesn't get away with torturing my other nipple- she is picking at the mole on my tummy.)
 

· Registered
Joined
·
648 Posts
Wow, I have to say I'm pretty surprised by some of the responses here.
I guess I'll weigh in with my 2cents.

Nipple twiddling on it's own is I think a rite of passage for toddler nursing. Most Moms are bothered by it and find ways to manage the child's hand to other things. It always drove me crazy so I started keeping my shirt down on the other side.

As for his penis....There is nothing sexual in it for him...hands down (no pun intended
) IMHO your dh's discomfort is a case of him putting his world view onto your ds. There is no such thing as a 2.5 yr old masturbating. When a child that young touches his penis, it feels good. Just like when a 2.5 yr old sucks their thumb, it feels good. Nothing good is gained from shaming a child for touching any part of their body.

I really feel that if your ds is roaming the house naked a lot because of potty training then there's probably a good part of the day that he's touching his penis. Totally normal for a child his age!! It just so happens that part of that time without pants on is spent nursing. I would make no connection between the nursing and the penis touching. I'm sure your ds doesn't.


As for your dh. I don't know if you'll be able to convince him that it's not harming ds. He's only seeing it from his sexualized adult POV. If you feel ambiguous about it maybe you could start encouraging ds to wear underpants around the house. Then when he is nursing, he'll have to find something else to do with his hands or he'll be touching himself under the cover of his undies and dh won't see.
You might start having a toy on hand for him to play with while he nurses. Or this might be just the excuse you need to get dh to buy you a nursing necklace.


As for weaning...please don't wean because someone else wants you to. I weaned at someone elses request once a long time ago and it still breaks my heart.
Always follow your own heart when it comes to weaning.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
111 Posts
I wouldn't have a problem with it if I could bear the nipple twiddling. DS has given up trying that and "twiddles" with my belly button or strokes a mole on my arm instead. My son is a little younger than yours but I don't have a problem with him touching his penis while nursing. It's his penis and like you I can tell it isn't sexual. I wouldn't wean for this reason.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
572 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by milkmommie View Post
Wow, I have to say I'm pretty surprised by some of the responses here.
I guess I'll weigh in with my 2cents.

Nipple twiddling on it's own is I think a rite of passage for toddler nursing. Most Moms are bothered by it and find ways to manage the child's hand to other things. It always drove me crazy so I started keeping my shirt down on the other side.

As for his penis....There is nothing sexual in it for him...hands down (no pun intended
) IMHO your dh's discomfort is a case of him putting his world view onto your ds. There is no such thing as a 2.5 yr old masturbating. When a child that young touches his penis, it feels good. Just like when a 2.5 yr old sucks their thumb, it feels good. Nothing good is gained from shaming a child for touching any part of their body.

I really feel that if your ds is roaming the house naked a lot because of potty training then there's probably a good part of the day that he's touching his penis. Totally normal for a child his age!! It just so happens that part of that time without pants on is spent nursing. I would make no connection between the nursing and the penis touching. I'm sure your ds doesn't.


As for your dh. I don't know if you'll be able to convince him that it's not harming ds. He's only seeing it from his sexualized adult POV. If you feel ambiguous about it maybe you could start encouraging ds to wear underpants around the house. Then when he is nursing, he'll have to find something else to do with his hands or he'll be touching himself under the cover of his undies and dh won't see.
You might start having a toy on hand for him to play with while he nurses. Or this might be just the excuse you need to get dh to buy you a nursing necklace.


As for weaning...please don't wean because someone else wants you to. I weaned at someone elses request once a long time ago and it still breaks my heart.
Always follow your own heart when it comes to weaning.

I agree. twiddling is just a soothing thing to do. and if twiddling of your nipple doesn't bother you then why stop it. your dh might feel better if he couldn't see if ds was erect or not. i would also try redirection too before weaning.
i'm also surprise by the many negative responses even though i think its apparent that nothing about nursing or twiddling is sexual.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
He's TWO For goodness sake!! I don't like the twiddling so I nipped that in the bud. My DH gets weird about my DS touching himself when he's nude but I tell DH to get over it. He's two. I have serious doubts that this will lead to a life long nipple twiddling while masturbating obsession. Adults sure can be silly sometimes.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
920 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by D_McG View Post
I'm always fascinated by people who allow twiddling btw. Does it not drive you insane? I feel a little sick just remembering the sensation!
It does drive me insane - but apparently less insane than trying to get it to stop.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
425 Posts
I'm another "no twiddling" mama- I just couldn't stand it! Kudos to you, OP, for being a tougher woman than I am.

My DD is also 2.5 years old, old enough (IMHO) to comprehend and internalize certain social boundaries. Right now we're working on "we don't touch other people's private parts." (She was having a grand old -and completely innocent- time tugging on my pubic hair when we were bathing together.
) So my feeling is that your son is probably old enough to start working on "we play with our private parts when we are in private, not when we are nursing/playing at the park/in church/etc." But I do think that lesson is hard for a young child to understand, so in your shoes I would probably just turn it into "we put on pants before we nurse," which is a lot easier to comprehend and enforce.
 

· Registered
Joined
·
639 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by milkmommie View Post
Wow, I have to say I'm pretty surprised by some of the responses here.
I guess I'll weigh in with my 2cents.

Nipple twiddling on it's own is I think a rite of passage for toddler nursing. Most Moms are bothered by it and find ways to manage the child's hand to other things. It always drove me crazy so I started keeping my shirt down on the other side.

As for his penis....There is nothing sexual in it for him...hands down (no pun intended
) IMHO your dh's discomfort is a case of him putting his world view onto your ds. There is no such thing as a 2.5 yr old masturbating. When a child that young touches his penis, it feels good. Just like when a 2.5 yr old sucks their thumb, it feels good. Nothing good is gained from shaming a child for touching any part of their body.

I really feel that if your ds is roaming the house naked a lot because of potty training then there's probably a good part of the day that he's touching his penis. Totally normal for a child his age!! It just so happens that part of that time without pants on is spent nursing. I would make no connection between the nursing and the penis touching. I'm sure your ds doesn't.


As for your dh. I don't know if you'll be able to convince him that it's not harming ds. He's only seeing it from his sexualized adult POV. If you feel ambiguous about it maybe you could start encouraging ds to wear underpants around the house. Then when he is nursing, he'll have to find something else to do with his hands or he'll be touching himself under the cover of his undies and dh won't see.
You might start having a toy on hand for him to play with while he nurses. Or this might be just the excuse you need to get dh to buy you a nursing necklace.


As for weaning...please don't wean because someone else wants you to. I weaned at someone elses request once a long time ago and it still breaks my heart.
Always follow your own heart when it comes to weaning.
I think this is really well said!
 

· Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
Little boys (and girls for that matter) don't know what "sexual" is at that young age. There's no issue whatsoever with your son doing what he does while nursing.

Don't let it bother you, if your husband really objects (and I think it's just him interjecting his "grown up" physicality onto the situation) just have your son put pants on.

(so I guess I agree completely with MilkMommie)
 
1 - 20 of 58 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top