[CaliMommie]

DH was telling DS1 goodnight (DS is 4 y.o.) & as dh leaves the room ds calls out "Are you moving out tomorrow?" & "You can't move~ you're my best buddy!" DH didn't even reaspond. So I ask him, "ARE you moving out tomorrow?" He says, "Oh, I don't know." I asked him if he heard DS & how sad he was & DH "He knows I'm not moving out." No he doesn't, he's 4. he thinks Daddy always tells the truth & never would lie. He thought Daddy was moving out.

DH & I have definitely been having problems (for background see my post "When is enough enough?") and I have seriously considered asking him to leave, but haven't yet. But when he said he might all I felt was relief. All we ever do is argue. he criticizes everything I do & say, whether it's dinner, or how I change a diaper (seriously) or the music I like. He says he criticizes & says hurtful things on purpose "to put me in my place". Now I'm upset that hge would say somehting like that to ds without meaning it. I am really getting tired of living like this. I don't want my boys to grow up thinking it's ok to treat women like their dad treats me. I just don't know what to do.

AmiBeth

 

[becca011906]

Oh my that's really bad, my dh would NEVER say anything like that to my kids b/c he understand that they are not cabable of understanding something like that... And to really not answer a cry out like that by a 4 y/o i could have blew up at my dh. Have you given him the ultamatem (sp) that he changes his atitude towards you or you and the boys are leaving? i wouldn't want my kids to grow up in an enviorment that says men are above women at all. I haven't read your other post but i would say it's time to take a stand and tell him what is going on and how you feel and he had best change for you and the kids... JMO.

to ya mama!

 

[Jenne]

Calimommie, I read your post about DH smoking with his friends and not being respectful toward you last night and didn't have time to respond. From your posts it is clear to me that your DH does not value your relationship. He is being blatantly disrespectful and IS teaching your son how to treat women and more importantly how to treat YOU. PLEASE for your children and for yourself, love them and love yourself enough to get away from this man who DOES NOT love you or respect you. Sorry to be so blunt. You are strong and capable and DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER for both yourself and your children. If you need resources just let us know. So many people here have been where you are...we can help...

Happy Holidays,

Jenne

 

[CaliMommie]

He really doesn't get what kids are capable of understanding at all. He yelled at our one-year-old & called him a brat b/c ds was waving his emptying bottle around & accidentally hit dh on the head with it. He thought that ds should automatically understand that it hurt.

We are constantly arguing over how he treats & talks to the kids. He took a parenting class (at my insistence b/c he shoved ds1's head really hard b/c he was crying & wanting to leave a store- ds was 20 months old at the time) when we were seperated before, but obviously didn't retain much.

Ultimatums don't work, b/c he doesn't care if we leave or if I make him leave. Nothing I say gets through to him. Whenever I say anything to him about anyhting he does he gets all pouty "Poor me, she's so controlling". It's not like I only point out what he does wrong, I make a concious effort to praise him for things he does right (when he takes the time to talk to ds about things or asks him for something he has rather than just yanking it out of his hands).

Thank you both for your responses.

AmiBeth

 

[Dragonfly]

I'm sorry but.... what a creep. He sounds like he doesn't have a lick of sensitivity in him. To tell his 4-year-old son that he's moving out? To even TELL him that? And then to basically ignore him when he says, "You can't move out! You're my best buddy!" If he can't clearly hear panic and upset in your 4-year-old's statements then he's got some serious problems.

I would have demanded that he follow through that very night. I'm intolerant that way, I guess. He's crapping all over you (criticizing you to "put you in your place???"

) and now your kids, too, mama.

I know it's scary but if you can muster the courage, tell him to scoot.

 

[CaliMommie]

I have been gathering information & resources(child support laws, etc.) so that I will be prepared for the seperation that I honestly see as inevitable. The scariest thing for me is that I don't have a job (and am 5 months pg with our third child) and b/c of ds2's medical issues there are too many appts for me to hold a job. I do have proof of his income though (signed by his employer).

AmiBeth

 

[saritabeth]

Oh AmiBeth....

I am so sorry. This just must be so very hard. Be strong mama. You really deserve better.

sarita

 

[Jenne]

Cali- You probably qualify for WIC due to being pregnant. Is there a friend or relative you could stay with? I'm worried for you. You deserve so much better than what you are living with right now. You are being emotionally abused and so are your children. I know it is scary but you can do it! Where in CA are you and I'll try to find you some resources.

J

 

[becca011906]

I agree after reading you other posts that you need to get out of the relationship. It's hurting you and your kids. It's not healthy at all! If he doens't care if you tell him to leave and doesn't care if you leave then i would tell him to get the HE** out and then go fromt their. do you guys own the home you are in? would you qualify for assitance from the government while you are getting eveything sorted out with childsupport, ect. ??? WIC really is helpful in helping you with more then just the food assistance they can refer you on to other agencies that can help you out.

mama and i hope you then best of happy holidays you can have in your situation!!!

 

[Divina]

This man is more than a creep, he's abusing you and your kids. He may not be doing so physically (although what you said about the reason you insisted on parenting class sounds like he would if he thought he could get away with it), but emotional and mental abuse is just as damaging, perhaps more so because people put up with it much more and don't spot it for what it is. Get out as fast as you can!