[amlikam]

Not sure where to post this... sorry if it is in the wrong forum.

DD is 9mo old and lately we've been seeing more of my BIL - who is my husbands identical twin. DD seems to be very curious about this.

Cute right? Well my BIL is a bit- umm antisocial I guess, he has trouble showing affection to anyone....- he says a lot of things like "quit staring at me you creepy baby" - in a "cute -joking funny" way, but I can't wonder whats going to happen when DD is a bit older and can really understand.

BIL likes DD and tells her "at least you're not an ugly baby" which is his way of saying she'd cute. I will usually say to DD afterward "Thats Uncle's way of saying you're cute hunny, he just doesn't know how to say it a way you understand"

he has no kids or any intentions of ever having kids- and DH and I are trying to encourage him to hold her and play with her- or at least feel more comfortable around her.

anyone else go through something like this with their LO and DH who is a twin? I don't want my DD to feel rejected by her Daddy if BIL happens to say something ....

does this make sense? any advice?

 

[accountclosed3]

she'll be able to tell the difference. i'm sure your husband smells and feels and speaks differently than his brother--there are actually a lot of differences between twins--and so she'll know. she probably already does.

on the issue of language, i would have your husband talk to him about putting things into the positive for her. it is important.

 

[sgmom]

I agree.

 

[Theoretica]

She won't get them mixed up. But why encourage him to hold her and play with her if he's not comfortable doing so? We have a dear friend who is 'family' to us, and he's the same way. He's NEVER held my kids, and when he says things that are 'off' I just kindly say hey hon, don't talk to the kids like that, they don't know you're joking. But I'd never encourage him to hold or play with them. He'd be so uncomfortable, so would they, and it'd just be thoughtless on my part.

Now...FWIW, my kids LOVE him, quirks and all. So I wouldn't worry about your DD not having a relationship with her uncle. It'll be THEIR relationship on THEIR terms, so it might not be like what you 'planned' exactly, but they will be special to each other if you back off and don't push the issue.

HTH mama...

 

[jeliphish]

She won't mix them up.

 

[limabean]

Address the way he interacts with your DD if you're uncomfortable with it, the same as you would with any uncle, but leave the fact that he's DH's twin out of it -- that won't be an issue for your DD.

 

[amlikam]

Thanks- I think most of his uncomfortableness around kids is he has never interacted with them as an adult and doesn't know how.

Last night he asked to hold her- so there is hope yet- I think.

Thanks for the tips on how to deal with comments from BIL... I guess my instincts were telling me the right thing.

I like the whole- she doesn't know you're kidding...

I think it is important he is comfortable around her, because he is over our house a lot- and I feel like if he isn't comfortable to some extent, it will transfer to her.

Like DD is starting to cruise some and the other night reached out for BIL and he was like "Ah, what do you want?" - rather anxiously then got up and moved... I told him, "oh, she just wants you to help her by holding her hand"

At this point DD looked confused and disappointed BIL had moved. (She really does seem to enjoy my BIL more than her other uncles/aunts)

Well BIL sat down and seemed more comfortable after I explained.

I understand certain people will not like kids as much as others (DH doesn't particularly like other people's children)- but I think if someone is going to be spending that much time in my house, they should be able to tolerate and interact approrpiately and lovingly with my child.

If he was an occasional visitor or an uncle from outerstate.... that would be a whole different story.