DH wants 8 month old out of our room!

495 Views 11 Replies 7 Participants Last post by alegna, Jun 22, 2005

maxwill129

Discussion Starter · Jun 17, 2005

My dd is 8 months old today. We used to cosleep, but my dh didn't like that, so I compromised about a month ago and put dd in a cosleeper right next to my side of the bed.

So this morning I woke up exhausted for the third night in a row. Dd is teething and it's making her ear hurt (had it checked out to make sure it wasn't an ear infection, and it wasn't). Usually I go to bed at midnight because I can't sleep until then, and the last two nights dd has woken up right when I go to bed to eat...no big deal. She ends up needing to be rocked back to sleep (and it takes a long time!) and I fall asleep in the chair with her. I usually wake up when she's ready to nurse again and then rock her back to sleep and put her in her cosleeper. She gets up around 5:00 and eats again. She's eating so often right now because I think it hurts to suck and she's not eating a lot at one time. Well, this morning my dh said, "We need to get her out of our room. She's getting spoiled." She's only 8 months old!

How do I handle this? I DO NOT want her in her own room and I already compromised with him and got her out of our bed. I just don't think she should be in her own room yet!

S.

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pinky

· #2 · Jun 17, 2005

I'm wondering if the issue here is about her being in your room, or about your being an attentive nighttime parent. What is he hoping to accomplish by moving her...does he think she'll wake up less? That you'll be less tired? That he'll get waked up less often? Does he realize that you'll probably be even tired her if you're getting up to attend to her in a different room?

Personally, it seems to me that the thing that is making you so tired is that you have to get out of bed and rock her back to sleep enough so that you can lay her down instead of just nursing her beside you, but that's just my oh-so-biased opinion. And please be careful about falling asleep in the chair with her..it's really not the safest place for her.

Of course, my dd is about the same age as yours and co-sleeps and I'm so tired the room is fuzzy this a.m. :LOL Honestly, it's really just par for the course with most babies this age.

I would suggest talking to him about what he thinks will change if she's in her own room, and that will give you a starting point for talking about where to go from here.

Good luck!

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KariM

· #3 · Jun 17, 2005

I'd suggest a long talk with DH to find out what his concerns are about a "spoiled" daughter. Maybe he's just repeating what mainstream society has taught him and a conversation about child development and meeting babies' needs will clear up any misconceptions he might have.

In all honesty, moving a teething 8 month old to another room NOW isn't a wise idea. It's really best to make those sort of transitions when the children aren't in the middle of a big developmental change or cutting new teeth.

Babies need attention during the night and nursing and rocking will still happen if the baby is in another room. Many parents find they spend more time soothing and comforting babies who sleep in separate rooms than they do with babies who co-sleep.

--Kari

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Plummeting

· #4 · Jun 17, 2005

I would show him the evidence on why you can't "spoil" an 8-month-old baby, then find out what his other concerns are and do whatever you can to alleviate them. At this point, IMO, you have *already* compromised with him by putting the baby in a co-sleeper - you don't need to "compromise" again. In fact, to do so would not be a compromise, but an all out acceptance of his demands. Compromise is about two people reaching a mutually acceptable middle ground - not one person making more and more demands until (s)he ends up with exactly what (s)he wanted in the beginning.

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maxwill129

Discussion Starter · #5 · Jun 17, 2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinky
And please be careful about falling asleep in the chair with her..it's really not the safest place for her.

Thanks. A good reminder for me! I try not to fall asleep, but usually I just can't keep my eyes open. Truly, thank you, though. I know in the back of my mind it's not safe, so it's nice to have someone just say it bluntly to me!!!

I'll sit down with dh when he gets home and talk to him (or wait until the kids are in bed). He had made that comment on the way out the door this a.m., so I'm not sure why he said it. I'm kind of thinking that he may think I'd be less tired if Lucy were in another room- I think he's thinking of me. As far as the spoiled baby concept, that's probably from his mom. She's a wonderful person, but really buys into the whole mainstream crap about all the things that can "spoil" a baby.

Thanks for the advice, everyone! I knew I had to talk to dh, but your support is wonderful!!!

S.

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alegna

· #6 · Jun 17, 2005

If he's waking up, maybe you should try cosleeping again. I know that most nights my dh doesn't wake up at all.

good luck!

-Angela

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maxwill129

Discussion Starter · #7 · Jun 17, 2005

Good point, algena. When dd was in our bed she could nurse so easily and she didn't have to "wake up" before she ate like she does in her cosleeper. Maybe that's the key issue here- him being awakened by dd.

S.

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alegna

· #8 · Jun 17, 2005

Good luck! I'm way too greedy about my sleep to move dd out of the bed....

I've gotten more sleep in the last year than in my life!

-Angela

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mamabohl

· #9 · Jun 18, 2005

:

LOL, when dh suggested to me (our baby is amlost 8 months old now) that we should start transitioning him into his own room I was like, "are you crazy!? I would get even LESS sleep if he was in another room." He hasn't suggested it again, I think he just didn't think that, duh, he's still going to wake up, he will just get more awake and it will take longer if he's in another room. We both get much more sleep co-sleeping with this baby than we did with our older ds (who was in a crib). Dh never wakes up when ds wakes up to eat, and I barely do. Tell us how your discussion with dh works out!

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kathesan

· #10 · Jun 19, 2005

I also told my husband that I would get much less sleep if ds was in another room b/c I would have to get up to soothe a very upset infant. When he says something now (ds is 14 months) I either ignore him knowing that he'll forget all about it in 2 seconds or I point out that morning time (in bed) is sometimes the only quality time he gets with ds. (DH works two jobs so I can stay home with ds)

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maxwill129

Discussion Starter · #11 · Jun 22, 2005

Okay. I talked to dh about not moving dd to a new room. He said he never thought about the fact that I probably would get less sleep if dd was in her own room. DD is now done teething (for now!) and is down to waking up 2 times a night again. Her first time waking up is when I go to bed, so really she's only up once where I have to "wake" up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
If he's waking up, maybe you should try cosleeping again. I know that most nights my dh doesn't wake up at all.

I moved Lucy back into bed with us. Dh wasn't too sure about it, but it's working. We actually start our night with dd in her cosleeper and after she eats that first time she comes to bed with us. Dh usually doesn't come to bed until after that, so dd is fast asleep by that time. When she wakes up around 5:00 I can get her to latch on without her fully waking up, and then dh is up by 5:30 for work, so this is working out perfect.

Thanks, mamas for the advice. It was nice to have some support!!!

S.

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alegna

· #12 · Jun 22, 2005

Yea! So glad to hear she's back snuggled with mom where she belongs

-Angela

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