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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all. I posted a while back on this thread that things were bad between me and dh. I thought we had turned a corner but he's not in this. I can't 'make' him want to be in this marriage. I see now he never wanted to be with me or to get married. I settled too. Anyway! Here are my questions...<br><br>
DH didn't have the backbone to say he wants a divorce so I had to say it. I don't want a divorce. Do I make him file it? Is it better one way or the other for child support?<br>
How do I find a lawyer? What qualifications do I need to ensure the lawyer has?<br>
Do I have to live in the same state as him?<br>
How much does a divorce cost? I know it varies of course but an average or something?<br>
We may be moving from CT. But I'm affraid cuz I know laws change from state to state. What if we move to DC or CO or something and the laws are much worse. (Re the moving - we have to move out of this town cuz too expensive anyway. So we were planning on moving anyway. I said I would be moving with the kids and he said we have to live close. So I'm assuming we'll get two cheap apartments or something. He needs to find a job which will determine where we go to an extent. It would help so much if I knew where I wanted to live.)<br><br>
I'm sure I'll have 100 more questions as it goes on. Thank you moms. I can't start crying or I'll never stop. We have two kids. I'm a child of divorce and this is the last thing I wanted. I tried to find a man who was capable of being in an authentic relationship and being a parent but that didn't happen.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I'm in CT also and just left my h with the 2 kids last week. I don't know answers to many of your questions, but wanted to offer the thought of separation while you work it out.<br><br>
At this time, we have no legal paperwork and I'm not sure what direction it will take but having the space away from each other is really making the planning easier.<br><br>
I'm so sorry you are going through this.<br><br>
I don't know what part of CT you are in but I just found decent rentincluded heat in North Central area. (though I'm currently living at my dad's house) pm me anytime.
 

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Just sending you (((HUGS)))) because I don't have steam for more than that right now.<br><br>
I would start looking for lawyers and have a preliminary appt. to ask your basic questions (these can be free appts.).<br><br>
If you have few assets it shouldn't be too expensive.<br><br>
As for moving. Decide where you want to be. If you are divorcing you don't need to follow him. Maybe he needs to follow you.<br><br>
I wouldn't file in your current state if you think you are likely to leave it soon--complicates custody tremendously.<br><br>
GL and stick around.<br><br>
M
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you ladies. And hugs back at you. This ain't easy. There's going to be a lot of pain but I have to look at the bright side.<br><br>
Sending love and energy to you all on your journeys too.<br><br>
XOXO
 

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I would forgo the free appointments and actually spend 100 bucks for a real one. That way he can not use that attorney.<br><br>
Lets see...<br><br>
Gather all your expenses, assets and paystubs.<br>
start putting aside money for yourself and the children<br>
write a parenting plan
 

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If you have joint accounts, open a separate account in your name only asap. Take a couple thousand $$ from joint savings now (if you have it) for an attorney and put it in the separate account. I learned the hard way that things can turn ugly quickly no matter how amiable the divorce starts out. You want to make sure you have some money for yourself/your attorney in case that happens. My divorce was supposed to be uncontested but once his family got involved, he decided to sue me for custody of our child. We had no savings and custody complaints require big retainers so I had to take out a loan. He is getting help for free from a family member so it wasn't a big deal to him. Do what you need to now to protect yourself. Don't delay in finding an attorney. I used this site <a href="http://www.martindale.com/" target="_blank">http://www.martindale.com/</a> plus asked around for reputable attorneys. If you can find an attorney that someone else has had good dealings with then that's the one to go with IMO.
 

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I had a feeling our relationship was going down hill...that was enough for me to take out half the money and open up an account.<br><br>
Better be safe then sorry....a couple of weeks later he got up and walked out on us.<br><br>
Always trust your instincts.
 
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