[seekermage]

Dh feels that Lil'bit should be weaned...and that he wont stand for her nursing when she is two. She is only 18 months old. We barely nurse as it is....at night and in the mornings and an occasional nap...even then its saying a lot. Some mornings and nights she doesnt nurse at all. He thinks (totally because of his mom) that there are no benefits beyond 6 months (his moms words...hello she is a nurse!). This really makes me sad because he used to be so supportive. Im really not ready to wean and while Lil'bit isnt the biggest nurser, I dont think she is either. I could really use some support and something to wack DH over the head with...where is my supporitve hubby?

My goal is to tandem nurse, which I know DH will have a fit over....sigh...gonna have to retrain him I think.

 

[Meiri]

Find articles like from Kellymom and/or breastfeeding.com, or here!, maybe from the WHO or the AAP that prove her wrong, print them and put them where he will read them.

I'd go so far as to say that until he educates himself from Accurate sources, he doesn't get a vote on this issue, as he lacks the knowledge to give intelligent input.

A more diplomatic method would be to ask what his concerns/fears are and counter those with facts.

Radical that I am, I adopted an "I don't tell you how to do your job" attitude with DH. But he is supportive, so I never actually had to use that on him.

 

[alegna]

Yeah, give him some articles to read. The WHO says you should nurse AT LEAST 2 years.

Then, put your foot down. That is a decision that is between you and your baby.

-Angela

 

[AnnR33]

My Dh started to feel uncomfortable as well the closer we got to 2 yrs. I told him that it was providing her with anibodies that could only help her fight germs, etc and it certainly wasn't causing any harm. It was the best "band aid" for booboos, etc. and she or I wasn't ready to give that up. I also told him that when he nursed them he could decide when to wean them.

She weaned on her own a little after 2 yrs so it never really was an issue.

He's made a few comments about my current 7 mos old nursing that long and I just tell him that he won't be taking me to college with him so chill. LOL

 

[Tanibani]

I went through a similar thing at age 1 (4 years ago). I put my foot down and strongly (defiantly) argued HELL NO. He eventually gave up arguing. :LOL I weaned my son at 3 yrs and 3 months.

(I was planning on him self-weaning around age 2.)

The other problem here is that other people (his mother) are winding him up!!!!

I think it's a real problem with men, who are wound up by idiotic co-workers, family members, etc...

So... in addition to putting your foot down with him, you might want to consider going after her (sending her links, inundating her with nursing facts.) Then, once you win her over, she'll stop harping in his ear every other day, "is your wife STILL nursing????"

Dr. Jay Gordon (pediatrician in Los Angeles)
The Science of Breastfeeding - Abstracts

 

[~Megan~]

You really need to get him the real facts. Let him know that its supported by all medical organizations as well.

 

[ExuberantDaffodil]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tanibani Dr. Jay Gordon (pediatrician in Los Angeles) The Science of Breastfeeding - Abstracts

Wow! Great abstract! a little difficult to read, but excellent studies.

 

[shelbean91]

He won't 'stand for it'!!?!?!? This would put me over the edge. My dh doesn't tell me what to do- we discuss it. If he told me he wouldn't 'stand for it' I would tell him to go blow. Telling me I can't do something is one of the quickest ways to get me to do it. It's his issues, he needs to get over it- not much else to say about that!!

Sorry, I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, just one adult putting down their foot to their partner is a bit more that I can handle. From your description, it sounds like he's treating you like a child and not a partner.

 

[ceilydhmama]

My dh's family got a bit funny about eb as we neared two years as well.

: What stopped them was when dd developed a heart virus. She was sick and weak for over a month but recovered beautifully.

Our pediatric cardiologist said he wished every mother nursed through toddlerhood. He believed the fact she was nursing saved her heart from long term damage.

I found out later that two other toddlers in his practice had died from the same virus while my dd came through unscathed.

Never negate your mama's instincts. If you think it is important for your dd to nurse, tap into your inner "mama bear" and hold your ground

 

[mollykatsmom]

I would present him with the factual information that are others are suggesting. If he still had problems with it, I would gently inquire what his real concerns were. Is he jealous of the baby? Having a hard time differentiating between the sexual and functional properties of the breast? Worried about what other people (his mother) are thinking? If he couldn't articulate what his real concerns were, then that would be work that he needed to do before we could even have a discussion about weaning.

 

[mama24-7]

My dh used to say things like that to me. His best one was "do something about it or I will," in reference to dd sleeping w/ me & not in her crib. HE also used to come home from work w/ "advice" from people he worked w/. Like a PP said, I don't tell him how to do his job, so he doesn't tell me how to do mine. Before things turned around for us, I got to the point where I decided I'd do things one way when he was home & the way it worked when he wasn't.

If you want to be diplomatic, like a PP said, ask him what his concerns are & then have something from one of the medical organizations to say to his concerns.

Print stuff & leave it in the bathroom. Or put it down next to where he eats dinner.

I'd suggest that you get this resolved as best you can before you add another child to the mix. If your MIL has negative things to say about BF beyond 6 months, imagine the impact she'll have you your dh if you end up tandem nursing.

Sus

 

[magemom]

DH used to say stuff with our 3rd. he was brainwashed by his mom who never bf a day. When i was preg with #4 he would say things like 'its time to think about weaning' and i would say ok. and drop it. i stopped talking to him about it, and didn't nurse in front of him. he did come around, even after mil went off on the tandem nursing. (he was talking about how beautiful it was)

my dh responds to studies, so i gave him some. he responded to the who code, so i gave it to him. esp if i give him stats from other countries. so i did.

then i stoppeddisussing and the 'fight' went out of him.

good for you mama. it also helped when the peds wife nurse till 2.5 each of their kids.....

 

[tuhraycee]

Just wanted to tell you that I hope your Dh changes his mind once he reads all the literature that is out there. If anything, tell him you're her mother and it's your decision and it's not up to him what you do with *your* breasts.

Good luck!

 

[leafwood]

I'm sorry that you and your DH aren't seeing eye to eye on this....and, of course, I am totally supportive of you nursing until you and your baby are comfortable with stopping. I think that some men just have a hard time understanding the nursing relationship. My DH is supportive and I consider myself lucky, however, we don't always agree 100%. When this happens, we talk about the issues and try and come to an understanding.....but I think he pretty much gets that I am the mom and I have the boobs for a reason. Still, talking about it makes him feel like part of the process and I think it really helps him see my point of view. Also, I get to learn more about his thoughts on BF and EBF and it is really interesting since he was FF and his parents aren't supportive of BF.

Good luck......and Nurse on!

 

[mother_sunshine]

Breastfeeding is a relationship between the child and MOTHER. We have the breasts (and instincts) for a reason. The human species wouldn't have survived if men had breasts.

I agree with the others. Educate him. If he won't give you (and your child) the respect of listening, or at least trusting your instincts (and his own child's innate needs!), then he should butt out.

Over the past 8 years I can't tell you how many mothers I have known who weaned because their DH "made them".

: