Mothering Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do I convince my DH that circ'ing is stupid and unneccessary? We are due with our 4th child in March. Dh so hoping for a boy!! We have 3 girls so we have never discussed it before. I said that there is no medical reason for it, that God put it there for a reason to protect the penis, that he will have more pleasure as an adult b/c the foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis, and b/c of all the possible complications (i.e. infection, death), plus I could not put our child thru that much pain for no reason. He said well I wouldn't want it there! How stupid is that? I recanted "Well you didn't have the opportunity to know what it is like so how can you say that?" HELLO this is your child WHY would you put him thru that. He said "Well I did just fine I'm ok" I said fine I will show you some facts on the matter. He was like I don't want to read any of that crap, We'll probaly just do what you want to do b/c that's always how it is anyway.

How do I make him more comfortable with leaving his son intact (not even sure if it is a boy)? HELP PLEASE!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,519 Posts
The problem here is that you struck a nerve.

If there is one thing that almost no man, if any, likes hearing it is talk of how their penis could be improved. In this case it is by foreskin, you mentioned that the pleasure it provided and this, naturally, implies that it would be destroyed by circumcision. Accordingly that means your DH is not experiencing optimum pleasure, his penis, the core of his manhood, is inferior to those of others.

Naturally he does not wish to accept this and in a way leaving his son intact would be part of that process. In truth the tired old "Look like Daddy" is far more for the sake of the father than child.

Accordingly you should attempt pandering to his insecurities a little, make sure that he does not feel he is failing to satisfy you and keep the reduction in pleasure talk down to a minimum, if you mention it at all.

Instead you should just stick to the solid logical basis which you have and avoid budging from it: circumcision is permanant. If your son wants his foreskin gone in later life then that can be arranged but if he wants it back then there is nothing much which he can do.

Just emphasise that and point out repetedly that there is no medical reason for it, remind him that this decision is meant to be for the wellbeing of the boy, not him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,866 Posts
Hi there -
You can't 'make' him more comfortable with anything. If he refuses to research and educate himself on the subject - his discomfort is his problem. Especially if he is willing to 'do it your way'. I would make it clear that you don't intend on circ'ing your son - and if he wants to have an intelligent conversation about it -he should educate himself on the subject.
I would get a print out of the circumcision article that Mothering has, and perhaps give him the link to the circ' video on this forum, make those available to him. Hopefully he'll check them out and you won't have a conflict anymore.
(After reading the Mothering article, my husband didn't even want to see the video - and he supported my decision leave our son intact.)
Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,213 Posts
You could always make sure he knows that you are perfectly happy with his penis and you never meant to imply he was lacking. But the fact is there are no medical reasons to circ and infact many reasons not to. So why do it to your son just because at one time it was thought circ was medically needed or rather it was just what was done.

I am more of a it's not happening so get over it kind of perosn but if you truly want him to see your side you'll probably have to cater to his ego a bit.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
100 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I didn't make the sexual pleasure thing a big deal I just quickly mentioned it. I was more adament that the was no reason for it. I even told him that the American Medical Association says that it is not medically neccessary and is an elective surgery.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,213 Posts
Maybe just let him sit with the info you already gave him for a bit then re-introduce the subject at a later time. He might just need some time to digest what you've told him. A lot of time denial is the first thing people do when faced with new info but gradually they come around to acceptance.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,480 Posts
My dh really refused to talk to me about it and wouldn't read anything about it, but he was willing to watch a video. After the video, it troubled him that the baby went into shock (this is the only part he mentioned, I'm guessing the actual procedure bothered him too) and he started asking questions. I casually would tell him something that I had read that day in the 'can you belive this?' sense but we never really had a discussion. One day out of the blue he said, "We aren't going to circumcise our sons." I continue to learn more about it, and the more I tell him, the more he is against it.

Even if you didn't dwell on the sexual satisfaction part, it is still in his head. My dh has asked me is I wish he wasn't circ'd, and I tell him that I wish noone had ever hurt him like that, but I love him just the way he is. He has also now decided to restore.

These are the 2 videos my dh watched
http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/video.html
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/161143..._circumcision/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,773 Posts
Hi Sherry!! Congrats on #4, btw. We'll have to chat on email.

Anyway, I agree with the others about having him read the "Case Against Circumcision" mothering article. Dr. Fleiss is very well-spoken, and I feel that it's a logically supported piece, which I think can be helpful. It's here.

We've discussed this IRL, so I know you know my thoughts on the topic - I think you're right on the money, now it's just convincing T. Congrats again on your little peanut!
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top