[JFTB1177]

You guys may know me from my other thread on here about being forced to wean, and my decision to pump so I can keep BF-ing (I am going back to work next week).

Have any of you dealt with this? When we were preparing for our baby's birth, DH was VERY supportive of BF-ing and seemed to be very against formula, etc. But lately he's been complaining of not bonding with our son and has been saying it would help maybe if he could feed him a bottle (of expressed breastmilk). We bottlefed our first son (not b/c I wanted to but my milk didn't come in- I had a c/s, etc, just a lot of problems). DH really helped out with our first son and relly bonded quickly. Now DH also is working a LOT right now and had to go back to work the day after our second son was born. He really is having trouble bonding with him. Do you think him feeding him a few bottles here and there will help? I am sad that my happiness with BF-ing may have caused his unhappiness, you know?

Is this normal?

 

[JFTB1177]

No one?

Maybe I'm posting this on the wrong board?

 

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'll chime in on the bonding thing.

My BF likes to give bottles to our baby when I'm not home - but he doesn't really like taking them.

They have bonded in other ways though. BF talks to Lincoln while changing his diaper, holds him, plays music for him, makes him laugh (yk, doing all those silly things dads do). He also gives him all of his baths! And Lincoln LOVES it! They are so cute together!

I would recommend trying to see if he would take over some of the other baby care things while he is at home to try and bond with the baby - feeding the baby should be moms job especially if you don't want the baby to get too used to the bottle!

This also might be better posted in the "life with a babe" forum - you might get more suggestions there!
HTH!

 

[lee1203]

I can't speak as to the bonding issue, but I can't see why not to let your DH give a bottle of your milk once in awhile. I mean, if you're going to work then your son will have to take bottles anyway, right? I think most people who are going to introduce a bottle try to do so before they'll be needed anyway, so baby is used to it.

 

[RebeccaWo]

I haven't read your other thread, but it sounds like you're pumping and DS is taking bottles of milk? If that's the case I don't see why your DH couldn't give DS a bottle here and there, like lee1203 said.

Also, maybe your DH could give DS his bath? Or story before bed? Those are great bonding times for my DH and DD. I also pumped a bottle every now and then for DH to feed DD; I think it's a great bonding opportunity and I wanted DH to be able to experience that.

 

[Megan73]

Am I reading correctly that the issue is DH wants to give bottles when you are home and able to BF your LO?
If so, I'd really hesitate to do this given how much you clearly want to keep breastfeeding! It's your special bonding time, too, and I know from your other thread how sad you feel at the prospect of not being able to nurse full time. It's time only YOU can have with your little one and I'm sure you'll treasure it all the more when you're working. I think your husband will understand that feeling.
There are so many things DH could do to bond. My husband is in charge of all diaper changes when he's home, for example, gives baths, sings and rocks to sleep etc.

 

[jeminijad]

Its obviously up to you to decide what is best for your little guy... but fathers for the entirety of human history didn't feed their infants. That is what mothers do. There are other ways to bond.

 

[alegna]

I wouldn't pump when mom is available personally. If he wants to do the feeding when you're away-

But extra pumping and all its issues just for him? No way.

No bottles here and dh is quite bonded to both kids. I think it's a bogus claim personally.

-Angela

 

[JFTB1177]

Thanks everyone for your input!!! DH works all the time (so not here too much, but then again he worked a lot when ds1 was an infant too). With ds1 he loved being more involved, doing the diaper changes and baths... now he'll hold ds2 for a few minutes and hand him back. He doesn't seem to want to do the other stuff.... if he has to choose between baby and our toddler, he goes for our toddler.

Makes me feel real sad. I guess the reason I posted about this here was b/c DH keeps saying it'd be nice if he could give ds2 a bottle; I don't really have a problem with it as long as it doesn't affect my supply. So I guess that's what I wanted to find out, as well as just wondering if it's normal for husbands to want to feed their BF babies?

 

[lulutattoo]

Actually, I'm going to give a different perspective. As long as you are pumping, I think it's awesome to have dh give baby bottles. I do strongly think it helps bonding (my dh affirms that), and it gives mom a break too. Plus, it may not be this way for all ladies, but I can often pump 8oz or more in a session (especially in the am or middle of the night) and can do this faster than a nursing session (dd is 3.5 months--I know they nurse quicker as they get older so this probably won't always be the case).
We actually even looked into the possibility of dh lactating so he could nurse dd too, but the hormones he'd have to take are not healthy, so that was a no-go (I know that may sound really weird, but we really wanted to share feeding our child).
I guess if you never plan on pumping it makes sense to limit bottles, but as long as you're pumping why not let dh share the enjoyment of nourishing your child. He can do it with skin to skin contact too for an extra-special experience!

 

[mamazee]

My husband has only given my dds bottles when it was an emergency situation, which is as rare as those words suggest. And he has no problem bonding. I'd suggest giving him some other caretaking job, like bathing. For my dh, with #1 anyway, bathing was kind of his thing, generally.

 

[Dahlea]

My husband does baths and play time. He is totally cool without feeding the baby-it's not nearly as fun as the other activities they do together!

 

[twinsplusone1]

perhaps baby is still to little to really resond to dh?? so dh is longing for that bond he has with the toddler or connection/reponse I know my dh didn't know what to do with our newborn and we had twins 7yrs prior that hes a built in playmate for...give him time show him how to get responses out of baby he'll get his "bond" soon enough I wouldn't bottle feed when breast is there but like others why not if you're trying out bottles before returning to work. I also heard others should offer bottle when moms home bc baby won't take bottle from mom??

 

[JFTB1177]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinsplusone1 perhaps baby is still to little to really resond to dh?? so dh is longing for that bond he has with the toddler or connection/reponse ??

Yes I think you're right! It doesn't help that baby is obviously way attached to me and always looking for me (probably b/c of the BF-ing). He is already smiling and cooing and will do it for DH so he likes that, but does it for me way more... I don't know, maybe in a weird way DH is sort of jealous (although I think that's a strong word) of the bond baby and I have. Although he'd never admit it.

 

[alegna]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lulutattoo but as long as you're pumping why not let dh share the enjoyment of nourishing your child.

bolding mine.

Because for a mom who already has to pump for hours away, they need every possible nursing session AT the breast to keep supply up. For a mom who must give bottles, they need baby to understand that when mom is there, boob is it (to help prevent nipple preference)

-Angela

 

[jojojojojo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna bolding mine. Because for a mom who already has to pump for hours away, they need every possible nursing session AT the breast to keep supply up. For a mom who must give bottles, they need baby to understand that when mom is there, boob is it (to help prevent nipple preference) -Angela

If the father wants to be involved in the feeding, why push him away? While the breastfeeding relationship is certainly important in the early years, the relationship between father and child is important over the course of their lives, and if Dad feels that being able to feed the baby once a day is going to help that relationship, then that's a tradeoff that may well be worthwhile.

Maybe Dad can feed a small bottle, and then Mom can breastfeed an hour later as a compromise.

 

[tinybutterfly]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jojojojojo Maybe Dad can feed a small bottle, and then Mom can breastfeed an hour later as a compromise.

This sounds like a good idea.

Yes, there are other ways to bond, but your husband has specifically asked to help feed the baby and he remembers getting to feed your first child and sounds like he has fond memories of that experience. It IS nice to snuggle with a baby and provide nourishment.

He wants to be involved. That is a good thing.

Personally, I would hesitate to push him away.

 

[meemee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JFTB1177 DH works all the time (so not here too much, but then again he worked a lot when ds1 was an infant too). With ds1 he loved being more involved, doing the diaper changes and baths... now he'll hold ds2 for a few minutes and hand him back. He doesn't seem to want to do the other stuff.... if he has to choose between baby and our toddler, he goes for our toddler.

it seems to me that your dh wants to enjoy the rewards he got from ds1 yet doesnt want to put in the work.

perhaps he feels the bottle is the easiest way to bond? and if by any chance ds2 doesnt respond the eay he would like to he is going to get more upset.

could you talk to him? explain to him how much diaper changes do help with the bonding - and doing all the other stuff.

just a bottle is not truly going to change everything.

plus your baby is just a month and a half old. i could not figure out if he si already taking a bottle. (did not read yoru previous thread). if he isnt then i would try and wait as long as possible to introduce the bottle. maybe 3 months at least.

yes your dh definitely sounds jealous. how is he going to get the smiles and coos if he doesnt help significantly with the baby. and yet most men dont do v. well with babies. they really struggle and dont bond v. well.

 

[Gentle~Mommy :)]

My husband is jealous of my breastfeeding and lets me know about it

He thinks enough is enough. I have 2 boys 3 & just turned 1 and I tandem.

I want to get pg again soon and he says not until I wean them both.

 

[Frenchie2]

My Dh and I went through the same thing. He really wanted to feed our youngest a bottle and put up a huge fuss about it. I stay at home, have no need to pump, am not able to pump a lot of milk and my kids never like my milk in a bottle so I did not do it. It did put a bit of a strain on our marriage and DH held a grudge for awhile about the whole thing. I felt like it would have been more stressful and tiring to attempt the whole thing. It kind of sounds selfish but I honestly feel like those first months baby needs to be with mama as much as he or she wants. My son is now 16 months and he is very close to his father (has been for awhile). I still nurse and it is something that DS and I both enjoy for the quiet time we have to ourselves. I think that since you are going back to work and will be dealing with other stressors of working, pumping, etc that I would concentrate on what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and well rested so you can be the best mama you can be. Good Luck with everything, let us know what happens.