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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I got a call from DH about an hour after I got to work this morning, telling me he was fired. He is (was) the director of business development for a company that was really struggling before he came on board. He has done all the market research and created all the infrastructure necessary for the company to be positioned to close some significant new business. Just as all these deals are now on the verge of closing, he has been fired, with no warning, no notice, no severance, and no explanation for why he was fired. ("You're an at will employee and I don't have to give you a reason," says his employer.)<br><br>
I am so stunned. Beyond that, I am seriously concerned about our ability to make ends meet. DH has been the primary source of income. I will have to go from part-time to full-time, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and even then, we will be short.<br><br>
I feel really, really tired and defeated. DH and I have been struggling to make ends meet since DS was born, and were on the verge of getting a little bit ahead. This is going to put us so far behind, financially. And I don't want to have to work 9-10 hour days, but I am going to have to, at least for a while.<br><br>
My head is spinning <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: , I feel sick to my stomach, and all I want to do is lie down and go to sleep. Somehow, I still have to support DH (who is devastated, and feels like he has let us all down), and be a good mother (including insulating DS from our stress).<br><br>
Some days, it really feels like we just can't win for losing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I'm so sorry. I hope he is able to find something soon.<br><br>
The joys of "At Will" employment. You could consult with a lawyer to see if you can have a suit for severence.
 

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I'm so sorry.<br><br>
Dh was fired from his job last fall, totally unexpectedly. At the time, he was the sole income, and I was totally freaked out. I know it's so hard to feel like no matter what you do, the financial picture doesn't get any better. Be kind to yourself and your family, and even though it's hard, try to focus on the things in your life that are important and not about money. (Easier said than done in the midst of a financial crisis, I know <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s)
 

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Just wanted to lend you a little support. I'm very sorry for your situation.
 

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That stinks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Sorry to hear you are going through this. Is your DH eligible for unemployment in your state? If so, he should file right away in case there is a waiting period (1 wk in PA, and from what you said, he would qualify since he wasn't fired "for cause").<br><br>
I know this is hard to go through, but presumably your dh could watch your ds during your extra hours, right? So maybe it won't be too bad for ds. And at least you have the option to go FT...hope this isn't too Pollyannish, I know how it is when you think you're going to get ahead and you can't...again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Im so sorry for you all! What a horrible thing for dh's employer to do. I dont understand how people sleep at night when they treat their employees that way. Hoping things work out and not only get easier but ending up being for the best. You're family is in my thoughts and prayers!
 

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Mama, I'm really sorry to hear that. From what you've said before, it sounds like your DH's employer has had it in for him for a while now. Since he was basically laid off, I bet he could collect unemployment ... but that does nothing for the emotional fallout from this.<br><br>
I can't believe his employer would be so callous about it. Wait till your employee has turned your business around and then can him. Pretty short-sighted too. I bet these business practices will come back to haunt him--the sooner the better! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
Here's hoping that the universe has something better in store for your husband.
 

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I'm sorry too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Hi, I just wanted to lend some support too. It's a horrible feeling isn't it, when you feel like you try so hard and yet the world keeps serving up problems. Sometime's you're just screaming for a break. I know how it feels.<br><br>
The good news is - you WILL make it through, you WILL make ends meet. Somehow, just enough will be found to scrape through until DH is on his feet again.<br><br>
I'm sure your DH will find a new position son - he sounds very qualified! I truly hope he finds a place that appreciates him better.
 

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More <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
I know how you feel. My dh was laid off, completely out of the blue, totally unexpectedly while I was 7 months pregnant w/ds1. It blew all of our SAHM plans out of the water. At first I was shocked, then terrified, then angry. Weird thing was, I was angry at his work of course, but in a way I was angry at him too. He made much more money than me and I felt let down, even though I knew 100% it was not his fault at all. It took me a long time to even identify my feelings of anger at him to myself. Terrible, I know.<br><br>
After that shocking layoff, our lives took a completely different path than we ever expected. I had to keep on working ft, and he decided to learn a totally different career and go back to school for his master's degree (his second one) in teaching. He ended up being a waiter in the meantime to help make ends meet, something I think he never, ever, ever in his Ivy league life thought would happen but it made us cash, while he was in school. It was a rocky couple of years, but today I'm glad it happened. Sure, we're $20,000 in debt from his school loans <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: ...but he's happier than he's ever been in his life, and it took the absolute shock of a lay off like that to make it happen.<br><br>
Sorry this is so rambling, I just wanted you know that maybe something unexpected like a new job or a new path will come out of this and you'll look back and realize that something awful had to occur for something good, really really good, to result from it.
 

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Mom2Evan--this just happened to us today! To my DH and to at least 6 from his department, and we don't know how many from other departments. One of his co-workers is pg, another has kids, one just got engaged. My DH has been there for 8 years. The supervisors of the people they let go weren't told until just before (ie 5 minutes) it happened, and in the case of my DH, we don't know if his team leader (he works in R & D for a nutriceutical company) even knows, since he is away in Australia for a conference, left yesterday. The were all escorted out of the building, 10 minutes to clear out their desks. DH is in shock--he's been with the company since it started, one of it's longest-standing employees (8 years now), and he really believed in their products and their research. Me, I just feel sick. We were going to TTC next month, but I think that's been put off. We were just at a stage where we could actually buy something if we wanted it, you know? Student loans just about paid off, that sort of thing. At least he does have a severance package, but it's not much, and it's not the same as a salary coming in every two weeks that you can rely on.<br><br>
The funny thing about how I feel is that, apart from feeling sick, I almost feel relieved. DH doesn't get that, I haven't tried to explain. But this company has done similar things before, although on a smaller scale, never this many people. And they often just close down one project with no notice and shift people around at will or escort them to the door. So it was always there, for me anyway, like a threat hanging over DH's head. And now that it's finally happened, well, the threat's gone, you know? Not that that helps us any.<br><br>
I'm worried about DH too, he's not taking this well, and tends to get angry when things go this wrong, overreacting, rather than just dealing and moving on. I'm the optimist I guess.<br><br>
Anyway, hugs to you from me, cause I know exactly how much you need them.
 

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I'm so sorry for you. My dh was "laid off" (same as fired imo, you still don't have a job) last year and it was so bad that we had to move in with my parents. A year later, I have a full-time job (was a SAHM), he has one also and it is one that is pretty steady. We're looking for a place for us and everything is starting to get better. But man, it sucked for awhile there and still sometimes does. I hope your dh finds another job soon.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mom2evan</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I got a call from DH about an hour after I got to work this morning, telling me he was fired. He is (was) the director of business development for a company that was really struggling before he came on board. He has done all the market research and created all the infrastructure necessary for the company to be positioned to close some significant new business. Just as all these deals are now on the verge of closing, he has been fired, with no warning, no notice, no severance, and no explanation for why he was fired. ("You're an at will employee and I don't have to give you a reason," says his employer.)<br><br>
I am so stunned. Beyond that, I am seriously concerned about our ability to make ends meet. DH has been the primary source of income. I will have to go from part-time to full-time, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> and even then, we will be short.<br><br>
I feel really, really tired and defeated. DH and I have been struggling to make ends meet since DS was born, and were on the verge of getting a little bit ahead. This is going to put us so far behind, financially. And I don't want to have to work 9-10 hour days, but I am going to have to, at least for a while.<br><br>
My head is spinning <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: , I feel sick to my stomach, and all I want to do is lie down and go to sleep. Somehow, I still have to support DH (who is devastated, and feels like he has let us all down), and be a good mother (including insulating DS from our stress).<br><br>
Some days, it really feels like we just can't win for losing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
And this is probably one of the most scary situations to be faced with as a parent and spouse. A few years ago my DH was fired in almost the same circumstances, yet he was blamed for damaged he couldn't have possibly caused, and the time was a hard one for us.<br><br>
My heart goes out to you and your family. Try to remember this, nothing is forever, nothing is permanent. Keep focused on succeeding, even in your struggles (as we still struggle with yet another disappointing job let down- the company my DH worked for was just chut down), and continue to believe that their is light at the end of the tunnel. It helps when I just remind myself that NOTHING is permanent. It may be be bad, and it might get worse, but only for a little while. Keep going though and don't give up the fight.<br><br>
I hear you when you say you may have to work full time and it isn't something you want to do. I may have to get an evening and weekend job is DH is unable to get something within the next week. I'm actually online searching now. BUT, we have families and we have to do for them, and I know, I'm preaching to the choir, or perhaps just commisserating with you, in any case I know what you are going through, and I hate it for you.<br><br>
It'll be ok though. We're women and we're creative.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Much love,
 

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I am so sorry!<br><br>
If it makes you feel better, I was laid off from teaching right before the school year ended. I am expecting my first child (a surprise), and, the irony is that they called me in to tell me that I would not be coming back in the fall on the very day I had planned to tell them about my pregnancy.<br><br>
My husband works, but he struggled with unemployment last year, too, and is currently in a low-paying job. My salary is essential. It's going to be very difficult to negotiate a new contract with a school when I will need to go on maternity leave in December.<br><br>
Please be kind to yourself and dh, too. As was already posted above, part of the hurt is the betrayal you feel when you know you've done the best job you possibly could have done. I taught math in an urban school. It was my first year there, so I spent most of my afternoons and weekends, preparing my lessons carefully, and I always made myself available to students because many of them needed someone to be there for them very much. From what I could surmise from what the principal told me before I left, they hired me last summer because they desperately needed a qualified math teacher, but, this year, there are two student teachers whom they want to "sponsor" and don't want to spend the extra money.<br><br>
Please look into unemployment comp. as soon as possible and take a critical look at your budget. Maybe between these two you can live on his comp. and your pay without you going to complete full-time? He can also make up to 1/3 of his comp. in part-time pay and still get paid the full amount.<br><br>
I wish you all the best!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Heartfelt thanks to all of you for your wonderfully supportive responses.<br><br>
It's been almost two weeks now, the shock has worn off, and we are settling in for the duration of however long it takes DH to find something new. I am working FT and have worked 8-10 hour days since we heard the news. DH has filed for unemployment, and is talking to lots of people about short-term and long-term possibilities (consulting and employment). I am hopeful that something will crop up in the near term, but resigned to the fact that this may take time because of our location (rural New England) and DH's career goals.<br><br>
DH was a bit numb the first week or so, but slid into a very depressed state over the weekend. It doesn't help that DS has been sick with hand-foot-mouth disease and couldn't go to daycare last Friday; DH had to cancel an appointment in Boston that day to talk with someone about a potential consulting arrangement. They rescheduled, but it's very hard for DH when he doesn't feel like he's making forward progress.<br><br>
The hardest part for me just now is juggling the increased workload with the fact that DS is sick, and DH is very blue and needy. I feel like there just isn't enough of me to go around.<br><br>
JNW - you're absolutely right, the CEO of DH's former company was a real jerk, and we had known that for a while. We always knew DH wouldn't stay there forever, but we wanted to control the timing, of course.<br><br>
NikiJeanne - yes, I do feel angry, mostly at the CEO who fired DH, but also at DH. I didn't feel that anger at DH initially, but it has crept in with the passage of some time. I feel very guilty about it. I do, however, work every day to believe that there is a new path, and something better, in front of us, we just can't see it yet.<br><br>
Alison - I am so very sorry this has happened to you, too. Be kind to your DH - I know mine is struggling with all sorts of emotions, including feeling that he has "failed" me and DS by getting fired. I hope things get better for you soon.<br><br>
Thank you all, again, for your wonderful support.
 
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