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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Since you stay home and dh works, what type of chores does he do around the house?<br><br>
Mine takes the garbage out, cleans the catbox, and mows the yard.<br><br>
Thats it.<br><br>
I am trying to get him to do more but he seems to think its unreasonable. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
Wondering if this is normal?<br><br>
He works about 60 hours a week (and about 10-15 f that is actually commuting)<br><br>
Jenny
 

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Mine does trash duty and did do yard work. But we now live where a gardener is included in the rent. He pays the bills and track finances as well. He will call on his way home from work and ask if I need anything at the store and has most everyday of this pregnancy. So not too much more than your DP. But the big thing that helps me is as soon as he walks in the door he is ready to be super daddy. My 3.5 year old flips over "Daddy's home! Daddy's home! Come play trains with me! Let's play outside daddy!" He does the whole wraps his body around DP's leg so he can get a "ride" on DP's foot as he walks to the kitchen with whatever he picked up at the store.<br><br>
Just hearing his van pull up lets me know my break is about to walk up to the front door. DP stays up later than us so he get's his "wind down time" usually after DS has gone to bed.
 

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I'm not sure I know any SAHM/WOHM couple that has this down without any frustration, but we're now working on a good system. I spent a long time being more and more frustrated about DH's lack on contribution to the household, when I realized that we both had different assumptions about our roles in the family. I expected him to be an equal partner in maintaining the household cleanliness, while he thought part of his household contribition was his working to support it. So, we sat down to discuss our beliefs and expectations in an abstract way, and this is what I told him (and still believe):<br><br>
My job is to be with my kids, to guide them, protect them, interact with them, teach them, on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour basis. They are my job. Some household things, like cooking dinner, are a natural extension of taking care of the children at home during the day. However, cleaning the house isn't some magic natural extension of being the adult in charge of two children's upkeep and guidance throughout the day.<br><br>
My expectation is that, during "working hours", my job is to concentrate fully on the children, and any housekeeping that happens as a sidebar is a bonus. His job is to work at his job, and any help he can give me as moral support during the day is a bonus. When it comes to the cleanliness of the household, and projects and chores, we are both the responsible adults for it. Often, since I am present in the home during the day, I am able to do more. But, many days, we're just lucky to get through the day with all limbs attached, forget about emptying the dishwasher!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
After some discussion, I saw that he was feeling overwhelmed with working 14 hours, and then coming home to a messy house, and being expected to pitch in 50% of the housework, AND do the outside work. So, when I realized that was my expectation, I relaxed about it, and realized that the lawn mowing and other heavy projects around the house were contributions I wasn't really noticing as part of his pitching in to maintain the home.<br><br>
Now, we have a few things that he is responsible for on a daily basis - specifically, putting away any open food left in the kitchen after dinner, one of us does a basic kitchen sweep while the other works on bedtime with the kids, and he also is responsible for feeding the dog, letting her out and in, and shutting down the house - locking the doors, bringing in any toys left outside, locking the cars, turning off lights, etc. If we both finish our stuff and the kids are in bed, we do something that has worked like magic with him - 15 minute pickup. He rarely grumbles about it, because it has a definitive beginning and end, and it's quick. Set the timer, and say, GO! Then you are only allowed to pick up, and NOT to clean anything, so no sweeping, mopping, it is only picking up clutter and putting it away. We do that once a night, usually right after the kids go down and we still have energy before collapsing on the couch.<br><br>
On the weekends, we have pretty much fallen into an equal work kind of thing. That's what works for us, and like i said, we certainly do not have it down perfectly, and we still have some doozies when one of us is feeling overwhelmed, but overall, I'm very happy with his level of participation.
 

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I expect my dh to do nothing. I know that's unusual around here, but the reality of it is, he's gone so much, I would hate to take family time away from him to do "chores". He works a lot, he's gone overnight for work a few times a month, he helps coach ds's football 3 days a week and when he's here, he's really HERE. He plays with the kids, reads books, takes them on bike rides, helps with dishes, picks up after himself, ect. He's a busy person. I'm home with a 6 year old and a 2 year old. Pretty much if ds is around, dd just wants to be near whatever he's doing, so I have a lot of downtime for um, chores, yea, chores<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I do have to give him big props, he can and will do it if necessary, with no whining. When I was on bedrest he was Mr. Homemaker. Grocery lists, lunch made for me and ds, stuff cooking in the crockpot for dinner, laundry done. I hired a cleaning lady though, I didn't want him to kill himself trying to do it all and work. It works for us.
 

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Mine supports our family financially, so I consider that his "household chore" and expect nothing from him when he's home. He does all car repairs and household repairs, builds stuff, etc. but I do not expect any help from him within the home... I just consider that my realm. If he wants to help I certainly let him, but don't assign him chores or expect him to do anything. If I have a bunch going on and need something done he'll do it... not to say he's lazy or anything :)
 

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I dont expect anything from my dh either. He has a very stressful job, supports us very well, and works long hours. When he is home, I want him to be able to relax and play with the kids and spend time with me. He will always ask if there is anything for him to do, and he will lend a hand if I need it. BUt, I have everything under control and he doesnt need to. I really dont feel any discontent with this arrangement...I was the one who suggested it initially. I could hire a cleaning woman if I wanted to, but I love taking care of my house. Plus, my kids have chores and I want them to know how to run a house effectively.
 

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Garbage, lawn, and cooking dinner. I'm a notoriously bad cook, and he gladly takes over for the evening meal.<br><br>
When we were married it worked like this - If he got off work at 5pm so did I. Everything after is 50/50. I do the dinner dishes, bedtime routines, and quick evening tidy. He cooks dinner, puts the laundry away, and gives me a foot rub. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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My DH doesn't do any household chores. I do all the cleaning, cooking, and yardwork. Also some farm chores, like feeding the cows, though he has been doing more of that since DD was born. DH works extremely long hours and I don't expect anything of him other than income. Any time he is home, I just hope for him to find some time for quality interaction with 2.5 y/o DD.<br><br>
Even with regards to DD, I haven't had any expectation of "work" from DH. That is, I've never asked him to help put her to bed, change a diaper, etc.. I just hoped for him to play and bond with her. In hindsight, I think he might have bonded sooner and better if he had done more "baby care". I will try to gently encourage it more with our next one, which is due in a couple months.
 

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DH mows the lawn or snowblows the driveway, depending on the season. I guess that's really his only regular chore. He also does the car maintenance and major house repairs/maintenance, but those aren't regular things.<br><br>
I see things like some of the PPs. DH works hard and supports us well financially. I don't want him to have household chores to take away from his time with DD and me.<br><br>
I really don't have any problems getting all the other chores done myself during the day. It probably helps that DD is a very independent sort of girl and doesn't really need that much interaction. Plus, she takes 3 hour naps in the afternoon.
 

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DH would take care of the kids when he goot home. Housework was my job while him working out of the home was his. He did go build our house on most of his days off though.
 

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My dh does a real lot around the house. He does all lawn care, garbage, pool maintenance, repairs, plumbing, electrical work, home renovations, makes playstands for me to sell <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">, helps with dinner & dishes sometimes, never laundry... ummm let's see... walks the pup in the morning, puts the girls to bed for me... he doesnt do baths often but will help me get them out of the tub, etc.,<br><br>
Jeez.. reading that makes me realize how lucky I am... I sure need to show my appreciation more.<br><br>
xoxo
 

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DH does whatever needs doing. But I WAH, so maybe our labor isn't as divided as some of you -- we both contribute financially and in terms of housework/childcare. In general, things that he does way more often than I do are:<br><br>
Floors (sweeping, vacuuming, mopping)<br>
Yardwork<br>
Trash<br>
Home repairs<br>
His own laundry<br>
Dinner dishes<br>
DS's bath/bedtime routine<br><br>
Then we both do dog duty, straighten up at night, and he plays with DS in the evenings while I WAH.
 

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Dh's only set chore is mowing the grass. Besides that he does anything I ask him. He hates having clutter so on weeks where I just don't get to it he'll clean up but mostly he sweeps the kitchen, puts dishes away and makes sure his socks aren't all balled before tossing them in the laundry basket. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I don't usually have a problem keeping up with chores on my own, plus the kids help me the best they can.
 

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Dh has no chores other than paying bills. Sometimes he will take the gabage out, usually my mom gets to it first. (She lives with us) I do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry and childcare. It feels very unfair to me. His job is such that he has alot of downtime to do whatever he wants. He takes his laptop in to work everyday. He is surrounded by friends and they watch movies and play video games most of the time. He goes out to lunch everyday with friends. If he would just come home and PLAY with dd instead of get on his computer again, I would be so happy. But instead, I'm getting dinner served, helping dd, trying to shove some food in my mouth, trying to get some down time online, cleaning up, doing dishes, ect. Because of his lack of involvement with dd, she prefers me over him for everything, so now we are stuck. I feel it is unfair to her to make her do stuff with him (bedtime comes to mind) and at the same time would really love a break. He always says he will help me IF I ASK but he never takes the initiative to just look around, see what needs to get done and do it. Dishes would sit in the sink for a month before he did them without being asked. Ah but, well since he makes the money, I guess he feels justified in not helping around the house. I try to look at it from his POV too, like when he comes home, he wants some down time. I get that. I always have a hot dinner waiting for him when he comes home. I dont expect him to do any chores, just help with dd more.
 

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We share the housework equally.
 

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Dp will do chores when I bug him or when the house gets prohibitively messy.<br>
I don't expect much help during the week, but I expect him to pitch in a bit when he his home all day on the weekends. This really amounts to notheing, though. I end up doing most of the housework and diaper changing.<br>
This is ok, I suppose.<br>
He pays the bills, and works all the time to ensure that I can stay "home". I really appreciate this dispite the b*tch*ng I tend to do about housework. I think he is just blissfully ignorant about how hard it actually is to care for a little one.<br>
On the other hand, here I sit surfing the net while he is no doubt working his butt off right now.
 

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DP doesn't really have any "chores" - he mows the lawn, but that's fun. He helps out around the house and makes dinner half the time and breakfast one weekend morning. He vacuums a bit.<br>
Mainly, he helps out a ton with the boys. I like the arrangement - he's actually really good at being a dad, but really crappy at cleaning house <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I'd rather he play with the kids while I clean, honestly, because then it all gets done faster (and up to my standards <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> ). He's also great about doing bedtime stuff, even if I'm sitting on the 'net. I like him, I think I'll keep him <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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He just had surgery on his hand so all I ask him to do is rinse off his own dishes and let the dogs out to go to the bathoom.
 

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Well, since my hubby works to earn the money for us to live on, I don't ask him to do much around the house. He usually takes the garbage out and he does all the home maintenence (yard work, elec, plumbing, etc), plus does all the work on the trucks. He feeds the animals in the morning when he leaves for work, too. That works for us. He helps with the kids, usually fixes them breakfast on Saturdays, and generally will do something if I ask him to.<br><br>
Crystal
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I wouldnt be so mad if dh did the bills/home maintenece/building. But he doesnt. Our house just falls apart pretty mucvh. Plus he has no concept of our finances, only that he makes all the money and I spend it all (on BILLS AND GROCERYS!!!) hE DOES pay attention to his 401K though. LOL I am so frustrated with dh. We have a "talk" like once a month
 
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