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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The baby (their 1st) was born last night and it was rather traumatic for the mother, apparently. The little guy can't feed on his own and so he's being fed through tubes. Dh and his parents all want to go visit them at the hospital tomorrow (they're not that close with them to begin with). I think we should wait because I remember how much I hated guests after the birth of my first son, which was wonderful and not traumatic at all like theirs.<br><br>
What do you think? Is it imposing? Or do you think a quick visit would be welcomed?<br><br>
Tahnks in advance!<br><br>
lilgreen
 

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I think it depends on the closeness of the family. But, for me, cousins & aunts & uncles are a little bit too extended to have visit in those circumstances. I'd probably wait a few days. But that's JMO.
 

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I think it probably depends on the person. Some people LOVE visitors, but some, like me, get overwhelmed by them...
 

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As the mom of a preemie, I would say wait. Kudos to you for being so sensitive. You sound very kind.<br><br>
Maybe head over to the NICU thread and check out the sticky for other suggestions. Even better, print it out and give it to your family.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I will call her mother-in-law (who is more like her real mother) before to see what she thinks.<br><br>
Where is that NICU thread with the sticky that might be helpful? Thanks!
 

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Glad to be of help.<br><br>
The NICU thread is under "Life with a Babe".<br><br>
Hopefully their little guy won't have to spend much time there. It is excruciating for the mama (and dad too) to be separated. I feel for them.<br><br>
The BEST advice in the sticky is to congratulate them on their baby and celebrate the birth like any other. Send a card, email or call their answering machine and be happy for them. (and make a meal for them if you are local!)
 

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Maybe just give a call to congratulate her and take it from there. If she mentions you coming from a visit then go ahead with the visit, but if she doesn't then don't push.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jilian</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7910092"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Maybe just give a call to congratulate her and take it from there. If she mentions you coming from a visit then go ahead with the visit, but if she doesn't then don't push.</div>
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I second that.
 

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I had my daughter 4-5 weeks early also, and I actually enjoyed having visitors, even when Kailey was in the NICU. Only for short visits tho
 

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Depends on them ... when my first was in the NICU I wanted no visitors. To me it was too depressing to have people come and not be able to show them the baby.
 

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If you were closer, I'd say go and take decent food and something like fluffy slippers.<br><br>
As it is, a big crowd of people sounds like the worst idea ever. If they wanted everyone there, they would've invited everyone. Hopefully you can nip the stampede in the bud.
 

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I think a phone call and inquire. I think workers are always welcome, but visitors are not. So, if you do go, be a worker - bring food, personal items from home, new items, gifts, etc.
 

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When my DS was in the NICU, it was nice to have visitors yet stressful at the same time. I agree w/ PPs that a large group would be more likely overwhelming than just a few visitors here and there (and it depends on the family). <i>However</i>, it would have also been nice if guests had coordinated their visits a little better so as to allow us greater separation of "time to host visitors" and "private time as a new family." For that reason, definitely a gentle query is in order to find out about the new parents' wishes. We ended up having a few of our more sensitive relatives delay seeing the new baby until he came home. I felt bad that they had to wait so long, but when they came to see DS it was almost like "how it would have been" had he not been in the NICU at all. Those were some of the most special family moments I can remember.<br><br>
Is the new mama pumping? If so, it's especially tough to work out timing with that and kangaroo/nuzzle/breastfeeding time with the baby, her sleeping and eating, visitors, etc. It depends on her personality of course, but do what you feel comfortable doing to help her not get swept up in being polite and making others happy at the cost of missing or delaying even one pumping session. (Hardly anyone in my family respected my need to pump at certain times. They would get up and start to leave, but finish what we were talking about...then something would beep and they'd ask the nurse a question...then they'd start talking again...then they'd want pictures... At the time, visits seemed to go on <i>forever</i> even though they were probably only 15 or 20 minutes here and there. Silly stuff like that really stressed me out.)<br><br>
Definitely tell them congratulations on their new addition, though. It's not the 'ideal situation' but it's their first born & a joyous time!!
 

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Call and ask. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
My birth wasn't wonderful, but it wasn't traumatic like that either. I had a c-section, but Corbin was fine and stayed in the room with me. I was bored out of my mind and in some pain, so I couldn't really concentrate enough to do anything other than watch TV. I loved having visitors - it was a good way to pass the time.
 

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I generally don't like visitors, but it was kind of exciting when all my coworkers came to visit (I had an emotionally traumatic (although it went well) c-section.<br><br>
I think it would be better to wait though, until they are home and all the excitement dies down. Then show up at their house with a meal or to do some housework.<br><br>
Sending a card to the hospital might be nice though.
 

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I think you should have flowers sent or give her a call. Perhaps offer your help for whatever she needs.
 

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You know, I'd call to congratulate her and then just ask. Something like "I know things are a little hectic right now. Is there a time that would be good for a visit?" Leave it open ended to give her a little wiggle room to say she doesn't feel like having visitors without sounding rude.<br><br>
Personally, I'm blunt and would tell people no, or that I didn't have time to talk on the phone, or that I was about to get my boobs out to pump, stay at your own risk <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> , but not everyone is like that and may say "yes" when they mean "no!" just to be polite, KWIM?
 
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