[Annalisa84]

My 3-year-old (will be 4 in April) and I had a conversation recently that ended up with a basic sex talk, and I'm wondering if I handled it correctly. I'm nearly 11 weeks pregnant with twins and showing quite a bit. Our conversation:

L: Mummy, is you growing a baby in your tummy?
Me: Mummy is growing TWO new babies in her tummy.
L: TWO? TWO Baby Julians?
Me: No, the babies will be different from Baby Julian. Baby Julian is already born.
L: How did Baby Julian get in there? How did the new baby Julians get in there?
Me: Well, Mummy and Rhy Rhy love each other a lot. When people love each other---
L: I love YOU, Mummy.
Me: I love you, too, Libby. But when two grown ups love each other, they want to share that love, so they have a special kind of hug and the daddy puts a baby inside the mummy and it grows and they love it, too.

She seemed satisfied with this answer, but I'm not sure if I handled it well or not. Anyone?

 

[BohoMama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annalisa84 Me: I love you, too, Libby. But when two grown ups love each other, they want to share that love, so they have a special kind of hug and the daddy puts a baby inside the mummy and it grows and they love it, too. She seemed satisfied with this answer, but I'm not sure if I handled it well or not. Anyone?

Well, since you asked for responses, I'd say that the "special hug" answer might be begging for more questions and also opens up the possibility that she will worry about, desire, or fear that hugging someone will make her have a baby start growing in her too. In our talks, as I wrote in the "Sex Talks for 5-year-olds" thread, I have made a point of emphasizing that both parents possess half of the materials necessary to make a baby; the mother is not an empty vessel waiting to be filled.

 

[EnviroBecca]

I think you handled it fine, but when future questions come up or if she wants to "hear that story again" (my kid's typical response to really interesting new information), make sure to explain that the father puts in a tiny cell that merges with the mother's cell rather than putting in a complete baby. My son was pleased to learn this and quickly worked out for himself that this is how kids come to look like both parents. Prior to that he'd known that babies grow inside their mothers and apparently assumed the resemblance to fathers was coincidental.

I haven't addressed how the sperm and egg get together; I'm waiting for more specific questions. I think "special hug" is not a terrible phrase; it does have the potential for misinterpretaion, so watch for that, but most likely she'll just take the general idea and not brood much on it.

 

[Calee]

Personally, I must agree that "special hug" might be a tough one for a little to interprety. How does she know the difference between THAT kind of special hug, and a hug with you? Or a friend? Those feel special to her....

I say that because I have specific memories of myself as a little girl laying next to a boy (at nap time, or dad, or brothers or whatever) and worrying that I would get pregnant, because i had been told people get pregnant when a boy and a girl "sleep together". I was very literal! I thought if I fell asleep next to a boy, I would get pregnant!!!

All that to say, I think kids are pretty literal, and don't understand phrases that make perfect sense to adults!

 

[hedgewitch]

It sounds like you handled things well to me! She is a tiny bean and there is lots of time to expand on her understanding at a later time. If she continues to ask or you want to discuss it you could go into more depth. There is research that indicates that young children will often 'forget' information about sex and make up their own story. This comes as a surprise to parents who were very frank about the facts!

This isn't a one shot deal, you'll have many chances to discuss these aspects of life and it sounds like you made a great start

 

[saskiaofthewoods]

I actually think it is kind of cute what you said, although daddy does not alays put a baby inside mom's belly when they hug.

A little kid (3 years) once told me that man and woman fit together like a puzzle and that men have seats (is that the right word in English?) and if they plant it inside the woman when they make love, a baby can grow out of this seat. Just like a flower grows if you put a seat into healthy ground. I thought that was sooo cute and sooo right!

Actually I think Americans are too worried about Sex and their kids. I knew when I was kid. I also knew that man and woman do not have to love each other to have sex, but that it is nicer and even magic if they do love each other. And I knew exactly how a baby grows and why. We learned it in school, too. Second grade.

I don't think it is bad. Sex is something normal, natural and beautiful. So why always keep it as if it was a bad and dirty thing you can't talk about?

 

[phathui5]

I wouldn't describe it as a hug myself.

One idea is to check out some of the children's books at the library that address sex information for children.

 

[Learning_Mum]

I had this the other day. I told DS1 that grown ups have sex, that the man puts his penis in the womans vagina and then sometimes a baby will start growing in there. And that sex was only for grown ups.

He seemed satisfied. I didn't want to go into eggs and sperm because I thought that was all just a little complex for this point in time.

 

[Breeder]

Quote:

Originally Posted by saskiaofthewoods A little kid (3 years) once told me that man and woman fit together like a puzzle and that men have seats (is that the right word in English?) and if they plant it inside the woman when they make love, a baby can grow out of this seat. Just like a flower grows if you put a seat into healthy ground. I thought that was sooo cute and sooo right! Actually I think Americans are too worried about Sex and their kids. I knew when I was kid. I also knew that man and woman do not have to love each other to have sex, but that it is nicer and even magic if they do love each other. And I knew exactly how a baby grows and why. We learned it in school, too. Second grade. I don't think it is bad. Sex is something normal, natural and beautiful. So why always keep it as if it was a bad and dirty thing you can't talk about?

Bolding mine. Just because you don't talk about something, doesn't mean it's bad or dirty or that you can't talk about it. We're raising our children to be unashamed of their bodies and the many functions of said body which will one day include sex. That doesn't mean I need to break it down into a play by play ie: the penis goes into the vagina and then sperm is released, if one sperm bonds with the egg.... etc.

My child would be much more interested with a simple answer (like the puzzle piece example you gave) which is truthful but not a lets examine every aspect of sex. Which is how we have handled it so far.

Also the English word you were looking for is "seeds"

 

[MommaFox]

When my sister and I asked, my mom told us. We didn't believe her. She got one of her medical books. We were aghast. We were 4 and 5. Being 4 and 5, we told everyone we knew. I think my kindergarten teacher was more aghast than either of us, but not nearly so much as my first grade teacher at the Catholic school the next year.
I think some people (around the world for cripe's sake) just like to keep their kids "innocent." Whether it comes to sex or violence or anything they choose. It's thier choice.