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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
so i hate to even call it WIN<br>
but my dd had one of her first major fits today.<br>
we were getting ready to walk out the door and go to the park when my mechanic called and gave me some really BAD news about my car<br><br>
since i new my husband was wanting to go pick up our car and pay for the work (that had not even happened yet, according to my mechanic) on his lunch break...i had to then get off the phone with her and call dh, before he left his office to pick up the car.<br><br>
so before calling dh i explained to dd what i had to do and why (she is almost 2 and understands a lot, speaks in full sentences/paragraphs, etc)<br><br>
and hwile i was on the phone with him she just lost it<br>
and screamed and cried and was trying to throw her self onto the ground etc<br>
VERY LOUD<br><br>
my dh adn i could not even hear eachother...<br>
normaly i end something and deal with her if she starts to get to the point of hysteria.<br>
but this was something that could not wait and needed our full attention for like a 5 min conversation.<br><br>
i kept on stoping and saying to dd, i understand that you are ready adn i am almost ready too, i just need to talk to daddy about our car and i will be done in just a minute.<br><br>
i trie dto distract, saying go find your hat or go pick a doll to bring to the park etc<br><br>
i tried to say i need you to stop being so loud b/c i can not hear daddy<br><br>
i told her that i needed to go to another room and shut the door so that i could finish talking (this is still all in the matter of minutes...she kept on trying to pull the phone away and was so loud!)<br><br>
so i did then try to go into the bed room and shut the door<br>
she stood at the door screaming fo rme and it sounded so heartbreaking i felt wrong so i opened the door and asked her if i could jus thold her on my lap quietly while daddy adn i finished up<br>
she got on my lap and started up screaming again<br><br>
it ended up that my dh and i had to keep the car at the garage another day (even more money we will have to pay and we are broke) b/c we could not discuss the matter that we needed to decide upon b/c of dd!!!!!!!!!<br><br>
then i got off the phone with him and she was all ready for the park...our bags were packed and i did want her to get to go before the big storm this weekend hits<br><br>
but<br><br>
i felt like she was soemhow winning by getting to act like that and still getting what she wanted.<br><br>
i don't want to teach her that that is an excpetable way to get your point across.<br><br>
but at the same time i did not think she would really understand if i told her now we were not going to the park b/c of her fit.<br><br>
i did tell her that i did nto like the way she acted (i listed the specific behaviors) and that i never want her to act like that again when i am trying to talk to soemone on the phone....<br><br>
she aggreed but was just ready to walk out the door.<br>
so we went<br><br>
now our family is going through a hard time righ tnow (we just moved to a new city, we are having some $$$ problems, and my dad is fighting cancer)<br><br>
so i want to take that into consideration with her and i both<br><br>
but i just did not know if i did the right thing by still going to the park.<br><br>
anybody?
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Ugh, hard day.<br><br>
No, I don't think you let her win. I think you are right in that she is too young to understand that because she threw the fit she can not go to the park. (Now, when she is 4, then she could undestand that). My dd is very verbal- and she was early- and it was hard to remember that she was still very young with her speaking so well.<br><br>
You ALL deserve some breaks because you are all stressed out. Hope it gets better soon!
 

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I find those situations hard to navigate. But advice from the Sears' Discipline Book comes to mind. Their stance is that you should do whatever you were planning to do whether they have a fit or not. So if you were always planning to go to the park, then you should do that. If you were planning to stay home and clean, you should do that. I guess the point is not to punish them for their tantrum (which is as much a physiological response as much as a behavioral one), but it should not be rewarded either. Hope that helps.
 

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Especially since this was the first big fit there is no way she would have associated mising park time with fit. She had no way to see it coming and threats thrown out in the heat of battle are rarely heard.<br><br>
however, I wouldn't have kept focusing on her during the phone conversation. I woul dhave gone somewhere I could hear, get done with the coversation and then delt with my child. it just drags it out to try and convince a 2 year old to be quite an calm so you can get done. just get done and then you can give your ful attention to the toddler at hand <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>goepark</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I find those situations hard to navigate. But advice from the Sears' Discipline Book comes to mind. Their stance is that you should do whatever you were planning to do whether they have a fit or not. So if you were always planning to go to the park, then you should do that. If you were planning to stay home and clean, you should do that. I guess the point is not to punish them for their tantrum (which is as much a physiological response as much as a behavioral one), but it should not be rewarded either. Hope that helps.</div>
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I agree with this. I would however have locked myself in the bathroom or some other room and taken the call, no matter how hard they cried. This was not to "teach them a lesson" or anything other than me accomplishing what had to be done.<br><br>
I would have explained it AFTER. "I am sorry I had to close the door, but it was very very important that I talk to Daddy and there was no choice when you were making so much noise. Next time I expect you to be quiet when I tell you that it is important. Now let's go to the park"
 

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I too agree that it was not about letting her "win" and agree that 2yo is too young to associate the tantrum with not going to the park.<br><br>
Tantrums at 2 in general are not premeditated by kids just to "show who's boss" (I know you never said or implied this), they are usually about not being able to express what they wanted to express no matter how well spoken they are at this age.<br><br>
I personally would have a hard time locking myself somewhere for at least two reasons:<br><br>
I know my DD would be loud enough even if I locked myself in the soundproof booth :LOL AND I would not be able to concentrate on what I am talking about anyways.<br><br>
I am so sorry to hear you lost more money when it is tight already <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> , but not to undermind your frustration or anything - we do loose money when we become parents - vases get broken, matresses get thrown-up on, carpets have gum permanently imbedded in them, walls get "painted" with permanent markers and so on.<br><br>
I think you handled the situation fine given the circumstances and kept your cool.<br><br>
Hugs to you mama.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
thanks ladies....<br><br>
the after talk we ahd about seemed to help us<br>
both<br><br>
i felt better that at least i let her hear my fustration (in a calm rational way) and i think she would have been weired out to have ahd that whole situation and had me not even talk about it with her<br><br>
it is nice to feel like i made the righ tchoice, it was a confusing moment in my mothering!
 
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