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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just came back from the mall, and I am livid. DD1 was playing in the soft play area, coming down the slide, when a lady grabbed her arm as she came off of it! Apparently, her grandson/son was behind DD and my DD wasn't moving fast enough for her tastes, so she grabbed DD's arm and attempted to move her along to the stairs. Something in me completely snapped -- but in a calm way -- and I said in the deepest mama bear voice, "Get your hands off of my child." The lady looked WAY taken aback and asked me, "What?" And I said, "You heard me, don't you put your hands on my child." She let DD go, DD was ok, but I was LIVID. The lady started mumbling something about "Little Ass" and "so stupid" while looking at me. So I said to her, "As long as this is my child, you will NOT touch her." She then said...

"Black people are so stupid."


The woman was West Indian and darker than me and at a glance, looked Black. And her grandson/son DEFINITELY looked Black.


It took everything in me to refrain from knocking her block off. I asked her if she was talking to me, she said yes, and I told her that I was calling Mall Security. She said, "Go ahead, call 'em." I pulled my cell phone out, called them up and she watched me, still mumbling some crap about Black people being stupid. As soon as I hung up with them, she bolted from the area, but the security people stopped her as she walked away....I think they thought *she* had called, but they told me that she looked suspicious. I think security handled it really poorly, since they talked to her first and then came to me and said, "Ma'am, it's all straightened out." Um, no. You didn't even get my side of the story, you only talked to her. And they told me that she said she was concerned my child would fall and hurt herself and that is why she grabbed her arm.
The security guard tried to make small talk with me, and tried to talk to the baby, but I was so annoyed that I was probably pretty snippy with them.

I called DH once I got to the car, and he said I handled it well, but now I think I overreacted by calling Mall Security. But I am still hopping mad that someone touched my child unnecessarily -- she wasn't about to get hurt, she was just moving like a 2 year old. I'm also thinking of not going to that mall anymore, since this isn't the first time I've had some problems here (when I was pregnant with DD1, a bus ran a stop sign and came within inches of hitting me...hormonal me got out of the car and had a yelling match with the driver... also, a few years ago, a guy peed on the side of DH's van as we were coming out of the mall and mall security wouldn't do anything about it).

After all this, am I overreacting?
 

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No, you did not overreact. You reacted completely appropiately and with good social grace.

I might have gone a little bonkers in such a situation but I lack social grace.


the guard didn't even get your side? uuhh...
 

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Wow!

I think I would be pretty darn upset too mama! especially if someone touched my child and then used a racial slur against me..

Obviously she lacks intelligence and could not come up with anything worthwhile to say so she needed to resort to out and out insults
: I am sorry this happened to you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
The guard didn't ask me my side at all, but I went ahead and told her. She seemed to be half listening because she responded with, "Well, I assure you the kids are safe here since it's a soft play area." That had nothing to do with nothing since I wasn't concerned about my child possibly falling. The only nice thing the guard said was that the lady's comments were ignorant, and to consider the source.
 

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I would have killed her. No, injured her. Maybe killed her. Can't really say right now. I think I would have told her to unhand my kiddo too, but I honestly don't know how I would have delt with the "black people are stupid" comment. That's just too much. I guess I know people still think things like that if they are ignorant, but I didn't realize someone would actually say that, in public, and to your face. Yea, I think I would have killed her.
 

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I don't think this is about someone who touched your child, it's about someone who handled your child. Touching could have as often as not kind intent behind it - helping up a kid that fell, helping to pick up a dropped toy, a kind pat on the back when a child is crying and mom is on her way over. What this woman did had no kind intent - she handled your daughter like so much baggage and, no, I don't think you overreacted. She was borderline violent with your babe and I think you were great - clear enough without stooping to her level.

As for the racism, well, dull minds reach for the easy hits. Given her expression of sensitivity to your sensitivity to your daughter it doesn't surprise me that she couldn't summon the intelligence to deal with you in a mature, mom-to-mom manner.
 

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No way, not at all. I can't believe the racist remark she made, and that the security guard handled everything so flippantly. I think a letter is in order.

You could also post their address and have a couple MDC mamas do the talking for you.
 

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You did not overreact. That woman was rude. She sounds like the type who only cares about herself and her "own". That is not the way to be. Sadly, there are people in this world like that.

Don't give it another thought, life is too short to waste by letting her have another minute of it.

Sorry that you had such an experience, mama...

 

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My jaw seriously dropped when I read your story. I came into the thread thinking some woman had touched your childs hair or face and told you she was cute and you freaked. After reading through, OMG! I can't believe the way she handled, yeah, that's the right term, thanks chalupamom, your child! Then, to make racist comments!?! You handled it VERY well. I would have caused such a scene that mall security would have been called on me! I'm sorry you went through that. Don't doubt yourself or your actions for a second!
 

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I am speechless. I am not sure what I would have done but I would have been pretty much out of my mind!

As far as the racial comment she obviously is an ignorant person!

I am a great believer in karma though and people who behave that way - who treat others with so little respect - well karma has a way of biting them in the butt!

s
 

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I think you handled it well - though if I were you I would probably be second guessing myself now - so I'm glad you came here and got support. I second ( or is it third) the suggestion to write a letter to mall security about the incident and the poor manner with which it was handled. I also second the statment that Karma will catch up to that woman. Sorry you had to go through that.
 

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I am totally appalled by the comments she made. That is just awful!!!

As far as the intial incident of her handling your baby, well I have been known to lift or move other people's children if they are in harm's way. I usually get a thank you. Yesterday at the doctor's office a crawling baby pulled herself up on dd's stroller that Abi was sitting in. Abi started to lunge in it to make it move and I immediately picked up their baby and moved her without asking them. I have actually moved kids off the slide a few times if I think they are about to be pounded. I guess I was just acting with that mama instinct to protect any child who might get hurt, my own or otherwise. However maybe this woman picked up your child in a manner that was not well-intentioned or gentle. That would have raised my hackles too.

I still can't believe the comment she made!!

Darshani
 

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I don't think you over-reacted, considering the way she was handled. I have been known to help a small child up, or grab them as they're falling backwards down the slide, but it can't be helped. It's an instinct thing.
It wouldn't bother me if my daughter were helped in the same way. But if anyone ever grabbed her off a slide, just because she was in their kids way, I would definitely say something to them about it.

The thing that REALLY gets me is the racial comment. I would have went off on her, just for that. I can't beleive she said that, in front of KIDS no less. Yeah, that's doing a whole lot to help the racism problem in our society.
I wonder how her grandson felt about being called stupid.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Thanks, mamas.

See, if my DD was in any danger and the woman was trying to help move her to avoid getting hurt, I would have been fine with it. But she wasn't. Her son/grandson was about half the size of DD and was coming down the slide after DD. She wrapped her hand around DD's forearm right as she came down at the end of the slide, and started to move her toward the steps. My daughter was totally safe, and I was RIGHT THERE only a few steps away. And if she really was concerned about DD's safety, she should have explained that, instead of saying what she said.

I am unsure whether a letter would be helpful since they didn't take the name of the woman, nor my name, so there is probably nothing on record. I'm not so much angry with them as I am angry with the woman -- and myself for second guessing myself this afternoon.
 

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I don't think that a letter would help the particular situation but I think the security supervisors need to know that the guards on duty during that time didn't even listen to you - what if she had done something worse? They might have paid attention but we don't know. *shrug* maybe a letter to the editor of the local paper would be a better option? _That said I understand completely if you don;t want to write any letter , especially in the interest of putting the incident behind you as fast as possible


As for pp's on the helping issue - I agree if you are aiding a child or keeping them safe that is completely different from moving them out of your way. I appreciate helping hands but not hurrying ones.
 

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I am stunned...i can't believe that woman would act in such a way. It makes you wonder what goes on behind her doors at home if she thinks that is acceptable public behaviour.

I don't think you overreacted at all. If anything, you underreacted. I would contact the Mall management and let them know how security dealt with your complaint. I would imagine they don't want people like that patronizing their business if they have one whit of sense to them.
 

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No- you did not over react. Well, maybe alittle with mall security, but then I would have hit the roof if someone touched my child and then issued such a slur! UGH!

Normally when my Goo was younger, I would make her wait until the "landing pad" was clear from the kid in front of her. IF a kids was taking their time, I would say it loud enough that the mom or dad would show up to move the kid along....
 
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