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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>I'm thinking I'm at that point with XH.  I don't think I can get anything more out of him and I don't think the court will give me any more, so I just have to stop wishing he would grow up and be a responsible dad putting his kids best interest first, accept that he is incapable of that, and escape this godawful "agreement" process by taking the best offer I can extract from him even if it's not 100% what I wish for my kids.</p>
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<p>My health is suffering from all the stress.  Enough is enough.  We can make do well enough with what he is offering, it just isn't completely fair to all of my kids (sorry I don't have it in me to give more detail right now).</p>
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<p>I want to be done, and I want to be divorced, and I want to move on.  He's dragging this out and it's ridiculous.  Enough already.</p>
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<p>How do you know when it's time to concede?</p>
 

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<p>I have given in on lots of things that were just more trouble to fight than they were worth. If you really don't think the court will agree with you, and you are just wasting time and money fighting for something you'll never get anyway, it's probably time to concede. I'd talk to your lawyer first, to try and get a clear idea on whether what you think is fair is also what the court thinks is fair.</p>
 

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<p> </p>
<p>I just gave in on one extra overnight every 2 weeks on the advice of my attorney.   But now that ex has what he wants he still won't sign the paper.  </p>
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<p>I don't really want to give in but really need to get this over and done.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<p>Oh, I feel for you!  I keep thinking XH is actually less ready to separate fully than I am, at this point.  Seems like he keeps hanging on by not resolving the negotiations.  I hate that.  I'm so sorry your XH won't sign -- mine did the same thing, I offered him exactly what he asked for (months ago) and he wouldn't sign it until he changed his mind and tweaked it a bunch of times.  Gahhhhh.  I am worried that even when I accept his offer he will find a way to reject my acceptance and drag it out more!  What is with these guys?  Good luck coming to resolution with yours.<br>
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>floss&ferd</strong> <a href="/community/t/1348327/did-you-ever-give-in-on-an-agreement-just-to-get-it-done#post_16917928"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p> </p>
<p>I just gave in on one extra overnight every 2 weeks on the advice of my attorney.   But now that ex has what he wants he still won't sign the paper.  </p>
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<p>I don't really want to give in but really need to get this over and done.</p>
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<br><br><p> </p>
 

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<p> </p>
<p>This is the 3rd agreement.  He refused to sign the last two after verbally saying he would.</p>
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<p>Final hearing is next Wednesday!  </p>
 

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<p>i think we've all had to make those choices.  having something resolved is often worth taking a loss, especially when the stress is getting to you.  i like to do tarot, and in the months when i was getting ready to leave xh, i often drew the seven of swords, which shows someone trying to escape a situation with seven swords, but he's only able to carry five; he's dropped two - but he's still getting away and that's what matters.  it helped me to accept that i wasn't going to be able to make it out of there with everything i wanted or even with everything that was right, you know?  still worth it.  <span><img alt="hug.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332249885733_162" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>I gave in and gave in and gave in and he still did not sign- so we went to court- I had given into no child support and 50/50 on the many agreements we had made- and guess what I went to court- got full custody and full child support and he has to pay 100% of medical and carry their insurance.</p>
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<p>I am glad i did not give in in the end- but it just depends what you are giving in on.</p>
 

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<p>Yes. We had an agreement in mediation. And then X changed his mind about a couple things he had previously agreed to. My attorney said my options were to agree or to go back to mediation. Going back to mediation would have taken weeks and I may or may not have gotten closer to what I wanted. So I agreed so we could be divorced and be done. I think given the options I did the right thing. But I have to say I do wonder if it might have been worth it to go back to mediation.</p>
 

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<p>I did but wanted it over. XH went after my separate property in mediation. I gave it to him to get it over with. I would have won it in court but I would have paid about the same amount to attorneys fees and it would have dragged out for years.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
<p>Thanks.<span><img alt="blowkiss.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332270066422_161" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/blowkiss.gif"> I decided to do it.  I sent him an e-mail saying I agree to your offer...you will provide me with $X per month (child support plus deviation as agreed), we will provide each other with $1 in spousal maintenance each month (don't ask, LOL), this agreement can be revisited as allowed by law, tax liabilities for years prior to 2012 will be split 50/50, and if one party pays more of the tax liabilities due to IRS automatic offset, they are due a credit by the other party, payable within a year or otherwise agreed.</span></p>
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<p><span>Some of that stuff is a little more specific than what he stated in his e-mails, but I just put it into</span> formal writing that we can have the court case manager cut and paste into the forms in her computer.</p>
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<p>Now I am absolutely on the edge of my seat waiting for a response from him.  Good thing I have to go out this afternoon, or I would make myself nuts with impatience.  He may not respond until tomorrow, but fingers crossed that he will just accept it and we can call it a deal.  I am so ready to be done.</p>
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<p>Thanks for the support -- this board is so great.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<p>And...he agreed!  In writing, and I quickly pinned down a date for us to meet with the case manager at court and get the papers finished and signed per our agreement.  Next Thursday.  I can't believe we made it this far in our negotiations.  I could be divorced in under two weeks...</p>
 

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<p>woo!! <span><img alt="jumpers.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332293132042_161" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/jumpers.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>Yea!!!! Thats amazing!</p>
 

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<p> </p>
<p>Congratulations for making it through the process!</p>
 

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<p>way to go</p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="bouncy.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332349808863_161" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/bouncy.gif"> Wooohoo!</span></p>
 

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<p>Yeeesssssssssssssssss! <span><img alt="energy.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332353814430_151" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/energy.gif" style="width:48px;height:22px;"></span></p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
<p>Further update -- I will be divorced a week from Monday or possibly as soon as next Thursday!  I am so looking forward to having this signed, filed, and behind us.  We meet with the court's case manager on Thursday to sign the documents (she knows us and is being extra helpful, thank goodness) and then IF the judge has an extra few minutes they will fit us in to finalize it that afternoon, or else on Monday I will appear in person and XH will appear by phone -- at a time when my kids are in a group with lots of other parents, so no worries about kidcare -- and that is it.</p>
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<p>From the way I talk, you'd think *I* initiated the divorce.  I didn't.  14 months ago he told me he wanted to separate and didn't believe our marriage could be saved, so we decided to divorce.  Six months later I filed for divorce and told him to leave (because it had been long enough and he hadn't done it and I had plenty of reasons to want a divorce by then.)  This whole process has gotten strung out by his not being "sure" when we have gone in to finalize stuff.  <span><img alt="shrug.gif" id="user_yui_3_4_1_2_1332536208212_160" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/shrug.gif"></span> We saw a joint counselor who was not a mediator but functioned sort of like one -- not very well, but he kept us talking to each other so that was something.  (There is only one mediator in our whole area and she has a so-so reputation, and our insurance covered the counselor.)  Anyway, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.  I am ready to be done.  Once it's all signed and finalized, I think I will be very relieved, because at that point I'm not holding out for him to choose to "do the right thing" -- everything is enforceable.  (Okay, enforceable is relative, but at least it is something, and I do think he will pay the child support he agreed to.)</p>
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<p>I just can't wait to let out a deep sigh and know the hardest part is over -- and to be SINGLE according to law and society!  I am looking forward to embracing that with my whole self.</p>
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<p>I'm in a very different place than I was last year.  I guess that is something I can celebrate already.  If the divorce goes through on Thursday, I will ask some friends to help me celebrate over the weekend (kids will be with XH).</p>
 

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<p>Hugs worthy- glad it is ALMOST OVER!!!!</p>
<p>Let the journey begin.</p>
 
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