[samy23]

I feel like I've been waiting so long to ttc my second child, and don't want to wait any longer! But part of me is wondering if I should continue to hold off and wait until im in a better situation. I'm studying part-time and working part-time, considering quitting my job so I can study full-time to get my qualifications quicker so I can get a better paid job, but even if I do that it's still going to be a couple more years before I'm finished with my education.<br><br>
I'm just not sure what to do, wait until I'm in a better situation financially and job wise, or go for it now and find a way to deal with it all when it happens.<br><br>
I'm also hoping to move into a house by this time next year.<br><br>
So my question is, did you wait for a "perfect" time to start TTC for a baby? what are your thoughts on this subject?

 

[MrsHin2002]

We waited a long time to ttc -- until we were ready. Not in the financial sense but in the 'can we do this?' sense. We always wanted kids, just took a slow path to get here. We waited until a BFP was a good thing -- never wanting a BFP to be not such great news/ mixed news.<br><br>
That said, we waited much longer than most for everything... and starting out together when I was 20 and he was 22 gave us lots of time! We were married 10 years later! I'm ok with the fact that all of this waiting might mean that we run out of time for #2 (though there's still time, of course), because waiting for #1 was right for us.

 

[Baby_Cakes]

With our first, we waited until things were "better". Things are never going to be perfect. Even if you have the perfect house, the perfect job, plenty of money, etc, there will always be something holding you back. So, we waited until I finished school and got my esthetics license (b/c i knew I wouldn't be able to work full time and go to school at night pregnant or with a baby) but other than that, we just rolled with the punches.<br><br>
I'm of the belief that you figure things out. It'll all work out somehow. But that is me, not DH. It's insanely frustrating because he wants to wait until things are XYZ before TTC another baby. It's just hard when your emotions are telling you that you can do it, but whatever logistics tell you it would be easier "if..."!<br><br>
Think about the pros and cons. Make a list if you have to. Lists always help me see in black and white what my true feelings are. If you have more pros than cons then I believe you could definitely make it work with your situation. If your cons are heavier...maybe re-evaluate in a few months.

 

[lifeguard]

We didn't wait - we figured it's never the perfect time - they'll always be some reason that it's not ideal. As it turns out we ended up waiting 6 years 'cause of infertility issues & we were definitley in a very good spot when it did finally happen. I go with the things will work out theory of things.

 

[enigo]

We weren't waiting for the perfect time, but it seems we were always waiting for some situation to resolve. I really do wish we'd started sooner. Even with waiting to try for #2. We waited until DS was 2 (He was so easily conceived, we thought it was a simple matter to make a baby whenever we wanted.) 3 mc's later, he's almost 4 <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[crunchy_mommy]

We're going through this decision right now.<br><br>
With DS we waited 'til DH was done with school & working full-time before actively TTC. I didn't feel comfortable being the sole wage-earner and I didn't want DH stressed out by classes & homework while we were preparing to have a baby. But, it took us a year to conceive DS.<br><br>
So now DS is almost 16 mos and we had planned to have our kids less than 2 years apart but because DS is so high-needs and because I've been sick for 4 years now, we've been holding off. But we don't really want them more than 3 years apart so we're in a tough spot right now. Even if we actively start trying now, it may not happen for another year. There's a possibility DH could be jobless too by this time next year (but also a possibility he could have a better job than ever) and when I started thinking about that I realized there is very very little TRUE job security (even with a 10-year contract or permanent position, the company could go under or something) so we decided not to live in fear of that. DS is still high-needs but somewhat better & finally sleeping a little better so on that front I think *maybe* we can handle it, though it will be a challenge... but my health is still kind of up in the air... so last night we finally decided to start trying next month unless something (i.e. my last round of test results) gives us a reason not to. We could wait forever for the PERFECT time and wind up with only one kid (and we really want a big family!) so I figured we just have to trust that it will happen when the time's right if we're open to it. Well we are always open to it but I guess I mean more actively. Kinda scary to take that leap but we just feel it's time.

 

[Oriole]

I'm in that waiting period right now. Three years ago, I was super impatient, and even right now, I won't get upset at accidental BFP <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">, but I see the value in waiting.<br><br>
We are about to close on a house, and I love the idea of being in OUR place before getting that BFP.<br><br>
I want to be able to stay at home, at least for the first couple of years. That wouldn't have been possible even just a year ago.<br><br>
I don't want DP to feel overwhelmed with the idea of having to support a family, I want us to be in a non-stressful place regarding finances - only now are we getting to that place.<br><br>
I think we wouldn have been great parents even if it happened 2, 5, or even 10 years ago, but it would have been way more stressful and draining on everyone involved. I can't wait to TTC, but I am also excited to see how things are unfolding, and definitely appreciate the fact that we are heading in a good direction. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">

 

[ZoeJane'sMommy]

After we had DD we decided that with the next one we were going to wait until we were financially better. 18 months later my husband was laid off and we lost insurance and everything. He did not get a job until this January and as soon as insurance kicked in we started ttc. We thought we would wait and be more responsible this time, but you know what I do not think that is giong to happen anytime soon. My DH works 50+ hours a week and goes to school full time, I am also a full time student and stay at home mom. So do I think there is ever a perfect time................yes and its now. I have faith that it will work out for good and there are people in worse situations than me that have children and those children grow up to be wonderful adults.<br><br>
The only right time is if you know you are ready. All a child needs is a loving nurturing family and nothing else matters. In my opinion of course.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

 

[hollytheteacher]

It so depends on everyone's situation because it's different for everyone but if I had to do it over I think we'd start trying for #2 sooner like Enigo said.<br><br>
We also wanted to wait for the moment ds was 2 before starting again but DEF did not want our kids to be further than 3years apart.<br><br>
Well DS is almost 3 and i'm still not pregnant. It never even crossed my mind that I might not get pregnant right away when we decided to TTC and now 4 months of unprotected sex (and lots of it), charting and peeing on OPKs still has me NOT pregnant. Makes me wonder why I even bothered wtih birth control LOL.<br><br>
Oh and i should add that I got preggo on the first try with #1 (then had a m/c at 12 weeks) then got preggo first try with DS so i really never envisioned i'd have to "wait" once i was "ready" so taht part is hard.

 

[Evergreen]

We (well, I) wanted children ASAP. Interestingly enough, the one I rushed into was the one whose timing ended up being perfect. I graduated college pregnant, dh got a great job, we bought a house at an incredible price and things went really smoothly even though everyone else was wondering how we were going to survive.<br><br>
3 years later everything looked great. We had some money, were making decent income, and our daughter was ready to be a big sister. We decided it was percect timing to have another. Then everything got turned upside down. The economy tanked and dh lost all of his work, he got injured, I was knocked out and unable to work due to hyperemesis. We lived off credit cards and savings my entire pregnancy. He went back to work at the end of the pregnancy but I was unable to get a job for obvious reasons. It's taken us 4 years to catch up from that.<br><br>
We're 'ready' again, but I know that no matter how perfect the timing is it's never going to be absolutely perfect.

 

[ozark]

Our first was a surprise, and it took a bit of time to get things straightened out. I got pregnant after we had been dating for about 2 months. Luckily it all turned out REALLY well. As for TTC#2, we both feel like we are ready for another, even though we don't have a ton of money put aside. DH has a good job, and with school, I can put in a summer semester, and then fall semester and then take off spring and summer IF I get pregnant now. So it's pretty good. We're trying to just go with the flow of life. One of the things I am really happy about is that I did get pregnant with #1 so early in life. I like the fact that I had a baby at 21, it made me grow up pretty fast. It is also pretty awesome to know that by the time DH and I can afford sweet vacations and other awesome things, our kiddos will be old enough to hopefully remember them.

 

[4Blessings]

We waited until<br><br>
1. we were married (together 8 years)<br>
2. had both finished college<br>
3. both had employment<br><br>
The only thing I would have done differently was wait one more year so I could have stayed home from the start. Financially stability was very important to us. Kids are expensive <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Comtessa]

I had to laugh at this question! DD was a gigantic "oops" that was the best thing that ever happened to either of us.<br><br>
I think if we had actually sat down and made a decision about getting married and having a baby, our timeline would have been extremely conservative -- we would have planned baby #1 many more years down the road, and perhaps it might never have happened at all. (We're both in our 30s and you just never know how long TTC might take, after all.) I have good friends who've been together since the tenth grade, married for ten years, and then started TTC only to discover undiagnosed health problems that affect fertility and will take years to resolve.<br><br>
As it was, it was a little crazy! But even if it wasn't our version of the "perfect" time, it was perfect for us. I discovered I was pregnant with DD two weeks into my second year of grad school, we got married three months later, and the baby was born in May. It took me a few extra months to finish my degree, and just yesterday I finally received my Master's hood. A wild year all around, but we've been really blessed in all ways -- so I'm now an outspoken advocate for "any time is the right time for a baby." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[Stevi]

I waited until the "right time". Until, the money was good and I would be able to be a stay at home mom.<br><br>
Then I got sick, diagnosed with Emphysema, the man I was with since I was 19 left me for a younger woman, the recession hit, I lost my business and my home.<br><br>
I am now 40 and childless.<br><br>
And, I'm done waiting!<br><br>
Waiting is okay, but please, don't wait until it's too late.

 

[nia82]

We figured there is never the perfect time, one could always have a better job, bigger house, more degrees...<br>
We knew when we married that an oops could always happen and were prepared for it. However, our contraception never failed and when we TTCed we got pregnant right away. Of course we lost one income when I stayed at home, and have to put stuff like beach vacations on hold, but that's well worth to us.

 

[MaryLang]

Nope. IMO there is never a "perfect" time, lol! It took us 3 yrs of TTC have #1 and we were both very young at the time. And speaking specifically to financial reasons, this current economy is proof to us that anything can happen at any point, so we would never really time things around money. You can think you have everything figured out and poof it changes. Every child has been sort of a leap of faith and we are pleasantly surprised every time!

 

[forthekids123]

Yes, it never came... Don't wait

 

[writteninkursive]

No, we didn't wait. Our first child was a surprise that happened a couple months after our wedding. (We were not preventing even before we were married, as that doesn't really play an important role for us). At the time, it was a little hard. I was youngish (21) and hadn't gotten to do all the partying I had wanted to. Lol. But I look back now and I'm SO glad I started having children then. The following two children were planned and they are all 21-23 months apart.<br><br>
You know what they say ... if you wait for the perfect time, it will never happen. There are actually some things in my life that I want to do and am waiting until I am pregnant again to do (like doula training, when I will take a break from school and do all the reading and other requirements). I'm actually kind of looking forward to pregnancy now.

 

[JonahRoo]

At first I was stressing about needing to get PG with #2 as we wanted the kids to close in age and I was also looking at our "calendar" and realizing that we needed to do it NOW in order for things like school to happen down the road. I had a m/c in march and after much soul-searching I realized that I didn't like that feeling of having to "fit" this second child into our calendar for convenience purposes. And yes I want them close in age but when I also started looking at going back to school next year, I realized that a second child is NOT going to make that journey back to school any easier on my life. And I MUST get this degree ASAP for financial and security reasons.<br><br>
So while a second child is important to me, school actually comes first. So I let go of all of my own expectations (age gap, timing, etc) and just found acceptance that everything is really good for us right now. No need to rush. So now I am really okay with having kids 5 years apart (after I am done with school). And I also realized too that I am so blessed to have one healthy child that if a few years down the road we for some reason can't conceive our 2nd then that is okay. Our family will be okay.<br><br>
It's such a tough decision that I think an unplanned pregnancy is almost easier than a planned one! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> But perhaps you may want to let go of your own expectations and see how that feels. Does it provide any relief? If not then perhaps you have your answer that you must TTC soon but if there is relief then perhaps your answer is that its okay to wait until you feel more ready.

 

[Sharlla]

all mine we the worst possible times to get pg but all worked out fine.<br><br>
ds1 dx was 17, we just got a place and didnt have a car<br><br>
ds2 we just moved in with my inlaws from out of state. no job r our own place<br><br>
dd3 dh and i werent really ttc but werent super avoiding either. we had only been together 6 months when we got pg.<br><span style="font-size:xx-small;"><i>Posted via Mobile Device</i></span>