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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My almost 3 year old ds has been increasingly aggressive since my husband and I separated a month and a half ago. This past week he has also been violent and attacking his friends totally unprovokoed. Today, he took a toy piano by the handle, you know the hard plastic kind that's about a foot long, and went up to a friend at playgroup and smacked her across the face with it, sending her flying to the ground.

I am at a total loss. Things have been stressful and I know he's reacting to that so I have been trying to keep to a fairly normal routine, thinking that would help. He just seems to have a hard time with a group but is wonderful one-to-one. I am just so sad that he is having a hard time and reacting like this. Maybe I should just keep a low profile a while and just make it him and me without any friends for a while so he can have more of my time. I guess I just thought being with friends would be helpful but it seems to be stressing him out more.

I'm sure others have dealt with this and I'd love suggestions.
Thank you,
Lynn
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
hoppytoad

thanks for sharing your story. it sounds familiar. ds is also waking up for hours at a time at night right now as well. you always hear about kids reacting this way but when you see it in your child for the first time it's pretty shocking. he's always been really easy going for the most part.

on a good note, we ran into the little girl he hurt yesterday at a park today, totally by accident. they had a few choice words and mean looks for each other and then before you knew it they were off playing like the best of friends. they even hugged and kissed when they said goodbye!

kids. always surprising.

thanks for your post hoppytoad. i take it things have gotten better with your son?

Lynn
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
jannan,
I'm so sorry for all the pain you are feeling right now and I've been there with the same feelings you've had too. To be honest, things improved considerably after husband left the house. At least you don't have to deal with the physical presence then, even though you are still an emotional wreck.

The one thing that has helped me is friends. Honest friends. Friends who will take ds for a few hours when I honestly can't cope and let me get myself together. Friends who have told me that it's okay to let your kids see that you are sad, but not out of control. I used to think I had to do it all myself, but when I opened myself up to my friends and they realized the severe amount of stress I was under, they really stepped up and played and still are playing an active role in helping me cope day to day. If i feel like I'm going to lose control over my emotions totally, I call someone and they come get ds. Those times are getting fewer and fewer.

In fact over the last week I've really come to terms with the situation and am starting to feel a measure of peace that comes with the acceptance of any situation that can't be changed or controlled. I've actually been happy and smiling more. In fact, my ds, who is not yet 3, said to me the other day, "mom, you're really becoming a different person." well, crap, if my little ds even notices things like that then I feel eventually things will be okay and hopefully even better.

I feel like the communication will come eventually with your dh. My dh and I didn't talk for the first two weeks except to figure out times for visitation. then things exploded and were a total mess for a month. And I mean a real mess. At one point I was actually afraid dh would take ds and leave the state with him. Luckily that didn't happen and now things are more calm. I'm not saying I like him anymore, but I can deal with him because I know that once I do, it will be a while before I have to deal with him again.

So, the only advice I can give you is to call on family and friends and don't do this alone.
good luck.
Email me if you need. [email protected]
 
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