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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband is giving serious consideration to having a vasectomy. The very thought of which makes me physically ill-I have the urge to vomit whenever I think of him having it done. Not only is it absolutely condemned by my religion, there are medical implications involved-chronic pain, risk of other autoimmune disorders, and a significantly increased risk of cancer-but the thought of him being 'snipped' as he so blithely puts it absolutely makes him unattractive to me. I dont know why, and I guess it doesn't matter-I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there whose husband went ahead with it and is now regretting it, or is having complications from it.

(BTW-I don't want to hear anything about how it's perfectly safe and there's nothing wrong with it. It isn't, and if I wanted to hear that I'd talk with a doctor. If thats all you have to say, save your effort and don't bother because you won't change my mind.)

We've discussed it on and off since we were dating, and I've always been adamantly opposed to it, but I'm not certain he takes my concerns to heart. He's out of town at the moment but as soon as he walks through the door we're going to discuss it further. Anybody have any thoughts or find themselves in a similar situation?

Thanks...
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by hypnobirthingmama View Post
Hugs to you, this is so hard. have you talked about having more children or are you both content with one?
Jamie
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Ugh. Hugs back-I think you need it more than I do! Congratulations though-on the new kidlet!

We've talked about it, he doesn't want anymore and I do. Before we got married, we were planning to have two (he has two girls already) Beyond that particular fact, also before we got married, he was well aware of how I felt about vasectomies-that they are condemned in the bible (read Deuteronomy), and condemned by the Church, and we discussed it several times, and I thought it was resolved. The thought of him having it done makes me physically ill, and quite frankly, would eliminate any desire for him that I have now. I don't know why, I just find it so-I can't even find the right word-demasculinizing, maybe? I can't describe the emotion that I feel-no word seems quite appropriate.

Quite frankly, it would be easier for me to accept if he were to come home and tell me he'd had an affair than if he came home and said he had a vasectomy. At least then we could work it out and move on. I honestly don't know if I could stay married to him if he has it done. Yeah, it's his body, but I want to have sex with the man I married, not a gomer. (A gomer procedure is done on cattle and it's a vasectomy by a different name.) And, having said that, it's my body and if I don't want to have sex with him after that, I think that's my perogative as well. (I know I'm being hardnosed about this, but dang it-if I'd known he was going to pull this, I'd have seriously reconsidered getting married.)

And besides that, it increases your risk of autoimmune diseases like MS and Type 1 diabetes tremendously, and your risk of cancer between 85 and 350%-especially prostate and testicular (that's verbatim from my father's urologist, btw) -and I just lost my father less than a month ago to cancer at the grand old age of 53 (ten years old than DH)-why on earth would he want to volunteer for something like that given his major tendency to immune issues anyway!?? After watching Dad wither away and struggle first just to eat, then to sit up, and finally struggle just to breathe (he had neuroendocrine cancer that spread to his liver and caused liver failure) I sure as hell don't want to sit around wondering and worrying if that's going to happen to DH. I'm just at a loss. He comes home tomorrow and we're going to discuss it at great length.

: I'm having a hard time thinking about much else these days. He says I'm his best friend, yet he won't take my feelings on things like this seriously. Beyond the more kids issue even, it's got serious moral and health consequences, and I can't support him in that. He just says well, I talked to so and so and they haven't had any trouble.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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Originally Posted by cmd View Post
Well, he would still ejaculate..everything would be exactly the same except for that there would be no sperm. I don't understand how you wouldn't want to be married to him or have sex with him ijust because he wasn't producing ....sperm???

Think of it this way: once you reach menopause and you are no longer sending eggs down your fallopian tubes each month, would that be a reason for your DH to not want to stay married to you?.
Um, what part of condemned by the Bible and by the Church is unclear? Intentional sterilization is very, very different than that which happens unintentionally-either due to age or other reasons out of your control, or for that matter, that which happens every month. Saying that is kind of like saying an abortion and a miscarriage are no different from each other.
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Quote:

Originally Posted by cmd View Post
Did you only marry him for his sperm-producing qualities? I realize that there are probably much deeper issues here. I would recommend counseling.
What an absolutely ridiculous statement. I don't see how a person could not understand. I don't want to hang around and wait and worry about him developing cancer. Or another related health problem.

Besides that, if if my gut reaction to the thought of having sex with him after the fact is true repulsion, how is that different than a man being repulsed by a woman with sagging breasts, or a load of stretch marks, or cellulite, or whatever? He reminds me quite often about just how much babyweight I have to lose yet before I'll be 'sexy'. He's so concerned about me being attractive to him. What about my attraction to him? Shouldn't that be just as much of a concerm to him?

He agreed to abide by and respect the tenets of my religion before we married, and by getting married. By changing his mind on that, he is breaking our marriage vows. Only this would be in a permanent manner. An affair would not be a permanent occurence. But it would be less damaging.

Obviously my desire to keep him healthy, and still abide by the requirements of my religion coupled with my feelings of hurt caused by my husbands sudden change in heart regarding those desires creates a need for counseling. How sad.
 
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