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I can definitely sympathize with you. I have two children, ages 7 and 3.5. When the second was about 18 mos, DH told me he was thinking about making an appt with a urologist to get snipped. I think my jaw dropped to the floor. In that moment I mumbled something about how I didn't think that was a great idea, and then later when I'd had time to collect my thoughts I gave him the following arguments:

1) I didn't feel done with children, and even if he did he needed to give me some more time to get to that point where him having a V wouldn't completely destroy me.

2) Our children were young enough that <shudder> if something were to happen to one of them we would try for another eventually.

3) We were both still young enough (31 at the time) that there was always the chance that something could happen to one of us and the other might end up with someone else who wants kids. He had a really hard time imagining this one!

I guess these points were enough to give him pause because he never did make the appointment. That was two years ago. Right now I am 9 weeks PG with #3, a TOTAL accident (I was on bcp) and he is SO ANGRY. He wishes he had gotten the V. He does not want this baby and we are at a really difficult spot right now as I can NOT terminate, no way, and he can't see us having another. I'm not sure what will happen with us, but I am definitely carrying this baby to term.

All I can hope is that he comes to grips with it in the next 7 months and someday looks back and realizes our third baby was a gift and a blessing.

The ironic thing about this situation is that I told him in July that I was finally OK with him getting a V. In fact, I encouraged him to go ahead and do it because I was still wishing for a third child and if I knew he'd had a V I might be able to get past it. I don't know why he didn't schedule the appt right then. He said he was just busy and kept forgetting. Well, obviously Life had other plans for us.

I have such mixed emotions right now. I feel completely blessed by this third pregnancy, like all my prayers have been answered. But at the same time I may very well be irreparably damaging my marriage by refusing to terminate. I also feel guilty that this happened - like my wishing for another made it so.

He has already made an appointent for a vasectomy consultation. I guess he will be snipped by the new year. I am OK with that, because seeing how this third pregnancy has turned us on our heads, we clearly don't need to be going there again in the future. So when this baby is born at least I won't have to worry about birth control. I just pray that s/he makes it because there is no second chance after this.

Hugs to you, this is so hard. have you talked about having more children or are you both content with one?

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