[attachedmomto3]

Or do you feel they pulled away from you once you became separated/divorced? And why do you think they did that?

I'm sort of feeling this with some of my married friends

, just curious if this has happened to anyone else before and if you might now why.

 

[pranamama]

yeah, don't know why

 

[kdmama33]

Some of them did. I think it makes it too real for some people, that this could happen to them, just as easily and unexpectedly as it did to me, and that scares them. My divorce is the elephant in the room, and it's easier not to be in the room at all than to be in the room with the elephant, kwim?

I have other friends who have been great friends to me, even through my divorce and into my life as a single mother. I think they are secure enough not to be threatened by the reality of my situation and the possibilities it might bring into harsh light for them. Really, truly, I think the issue that some of my "friends" have is solely their own, and has not much to do with me at all, so I let it go ... and sometimes, I let those friends go, as well, because I need people in my life with whom I can be mutually beneficial.

 

[lolar2]

Are any of those former friends maybe friends with your ex and they feel like they have to choose?

 

[MsChatsAlot]

The married friends I made that became *our* friends stayed with me. The friends my ex had that became our friends stayed with him.

 

[CookieMonsterMommy]

I think I pulled away from them more than vice versa.

I was honestly very bitter for a time and didn't care to hear that Joe came home 45 minutes late again, meanwhile, I didnt have anyone coming home to me, late or otherwise. I didn't want to know about them needing new storm windows in their house, while I was living with my parents, struggling to save enough money for security for an apartment. I didn't want to know that things were getting boring in the bedroom, when it had been almost a year since I'd had any intimate contact.

I think that if they did pull away from me, it may have been because they weren't sure what to say or do. Kind of like when someone loses their partner through death, or a parent dies. People often don't know how to act, so they tend to avoid you.

 

[Rosehip]

No, b/c the only friends we had were my friends. X, I realized far too late, is utterly unable and uninterested in doing any of the upkeep associated w/friendships or other relationships (including spousal). At best, he bailed on social events w/one excuse or another, at worst, he alienated people w/his odd or nasty behavior.

So...I guess the one upside of having married someone w/a personality disorder is that I haven't lost any friendships over it! Silver lining, eh?

 

[eccomama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolar2 Are any of those former friends maybe friends with your ex and they feel like they have to choose?

that and also ppl felt awkward around me. they didn't know what to say, our schedules stopped crossing, etc and our life struggles became very different. i was struggling to make it thru one day while my friends were planning vacations, outings, home remodels, etc. it just became too depressing to be around them. so i guess i alienated some ppl.

 

[boobybunny]

I had the opposite reaction from friends. They rallied around me. Even one whose husband worked with my former spouse in the SO.

 

[LoveOhm]

Most of my friends are without children and without being married --- they are still my friends and are very supportive!

The married friends I have made are thru my daughter at mama's groups and the mamas (& husbands) are really giving and considerate of me. The one friend I have who had children before I did drifted when she first became a mom but when I had my daughter we became much closer. I do guess once I am with a partner I will do more with her and her fiance together but for now I am happy with our "ladies nights" and she is too!

My single friends are just now feeling the itch for a family so I envision myself the "go to" person for them on their path of motherhood.

 

[JohnnysGirl]

Not only did my friends rally around HIM, they are helping him (or refusing to help me by testifying to the truth) in our custody battle. That is somethign that stings quite a bit, that these women who had seen my kids grow up and how much they need me and had such a light/flimsy attachment to their father suddenly are helping to separate those babies from their mama. Unbelievable that other mothers would do that, but in the end, if their husbands are friends with my ex, then......

 

[eccomama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Butterflymom Not only did my friends rally around HIM, they are helping him (or refusing to help me by testifying to the truth) in our custody battle. That is somethign that stings quite a bit, that these women who had seen my kids grow up and how much they need me and had such a light/flimsy attachment to their father suddenly are helping to separate those babies from their mama. Unbelievable that other mothers would do that, but in the end, if their husbands are friends with my ex, then......

hugs. i also got a lot of backlash from my ex's friends and family. nevermind all the shit i did for them...

 

[eurobin]

No... not at all. I was so blessed to find more support in my circle of friends than I could have imagined. I'm sorry you're experiencing something different, it must be very hard.