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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Exdp cheated & lied. big time. I 'left' a few years ago (we didn't live together, so I just said it was over.) He is so darned passive-aggressive that I can't even believe his behavior. I spend more time picking my jaw up off the floor, I swear. He goes from calling me every name in the book & threatening to file for full custody to begging me to get back together with him.<br><br>
This is <i>so</i> draining.<br><br>
Anyone else deal with this? I don't ever lead him on, heck, I don't even answer him half the time because I think he's out of his mind. How do I make him realize, once and for all, that we will not ever be getting back together?
 

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Sort of...<br><br><br>
see my post:<br><br><a href="http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=979347" target="_blank">http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=979347</a><br><br>
It sucks!! Grow up & take responsibility for your actions guys!
 

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No answers, but I'm getting ready to make this my reality. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Mostly subbing to see other's responses <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Not a very feminist solution, but find a guy who's way bigger and pretend he's your new BF. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br>
I have no answers... We're still in the same house and it's 2 years -- he still thinks he can 'repair' the relationship. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: If anything, trapping me financially and custodially (with going after custody and even recently pulling the unfit mother thing for not vaxing), only proves it's still not a reality for him even with papers and court dates.<br>
It's as simple as 'no really means no'!<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
That's a very similar situation to mine, grasshopper. He threatens with custody & vaxes as well. As far as our ped is concerned, the girls are fully vaxed but Ds hasn't had any & he's 2.5. There are a couple that I'm not totally against, but didn't plan on getting them <i>this</i> early. I could space them out reeeally far, like just measles & just polio. At least it'd show that I'm making educated decisions, not just blindly ignoring the issue (like exdp is. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> He thinks they need everything the gov't recommends, even Hep B. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
He also trapped me financially, taking me to the store to buy groceries, taking me to the gas station to buy me gas - he *never* would hand me actual cash & we shared no credit/debit cards/accounts. I filed for cs 2 years ago & got more control, but I'm still dependent on his cs.<br><br>
Funny, one of my initial thoughts was, 'hey, I should date a police officer!' just to keep him under control. He scares the bejeezus out of me often, saying things like, 'I'm afraid of what I'll do if you ever start dating.' He's even said he'd kill 'him' or me (him meaning a hypothetical bf.) It's hard to separate gut feelings from anxiety with this sort of stuff, especially when it happens so often that the threat feels constant - it just wears you down to the point of not believing anything is possible, good or bad.
 

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Yep. He didn't want to work on his (big) problems, yet somehow I'm the bad guy for throwing in the towel. This past month, nearly two years after we split, he's just realizing that we may not be getting back together. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> And the only reason for that is that I have a bf.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> Seriously, dude, you've not changed, you're mean to me, don't show up for the kids when you say you will, don't pay CS when you say you will, etc. Charming, really. Ever so endearing, I'm amazed I've held out for so long. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> - I can't use this smilie enough in this post.<br><br>
I don't understand it, but I think he would have kept professing his love for me for the next ten years. I'm pretty sure he'll start up again when he stops being intimidated by bf. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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i think they don't mentally move on until they set their sights on someone else. my ex was extremely controlling. long after, i managed to gracefully make an exit from the relationship, he was still calling trying to weasel his way back into my life. the last time we spoke, he asked if i missed him. i went off and poof! he has never been heard from again.<br><br>
my guess, is by that point, he found someone but wanted to see if he still had a hold on me, found out that was not the case, and moved on to control the next unsuspecting victim. bad for her, fine for me.<br><br>
abusers, batterers, and control junkies have to get it for themselves and sadly, some never do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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Absolutely. I ended things. It's been six months now. He still tells me regularly he wants to come back, tells me he loves me, and does everything he can of to try and manipulate me, emotionally and verbally. I'm about ready to ask my lawyer what constitutes stalking.<br><br>
And since it wouldn't surprise me if he's reading this, to my STBX, please stop calling me at midnight. I will not answer and it's not because we "need to be checked on". It's because we're sleeping. If you show up here to "check" on us, I will call the cops.
 

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My ex kept saying things like, "I hear that we might need to 'comfort' wink wink nudge nudge each other as we go through this process.<br><br>
Um, no thanks. I'll comfort myself.<br><br>
He followed me and 'stalked' me...not seriously...for quite a while, and then he found a new girlfriend. They're living together now, so he's moved on, thank God.
 
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