Hello girls, is this the right place for this thread? Please advise if it would be better off somewhere else!<br><br>
My son is on the verge of turning 4 years old, and I am at a loss as to how to approach the dietary problems that we have. I'm sorry this is so long, but I would really like your feedback based on our exact circumstances<br><br>
Character: Using the language of Mary Sheedy's Sprited Child, my son is very, very intense, very persistent, generally negative first reaction to things. While in general character terms I'd say he's not too far out there (though definitely "more" everything than average), when it comes to food he really is at the extreme side of the scale. He goes through phases in his general behaviour - more defiant, less defiant; happier, whinier - but with food there is never any let up.<br><br>
Food - The only things he REALLY wants to eat are breads, plain rice, pasta (no tomato!), fries (no other kinds of potato, thank you!), with fried or grilled chicken or Asian-style pork. Anything else is a source of conflict. We started off okay when he was very little - he would eat all kinds of yummy pulse stews, broccoli, carrots, cheese, all kinds of fruit. Bit by bit, most of these things got dropped. Right now the only vegetable he will eat is broccoli and over the last couple of months even that has become a major struggle of wills. Fruit - only bananas, pears, apples, mango, mandarins and raspberries. And fruit always loses out if there are other options - it will simply remain on the plate. Yoghurt has been an advance, he now drinks a small bottle a day if the planets are aligned. Omelettes he eats, reluctantly. Cheese only if mixed into things and thus invisible, or parmesan on pasta. Milk, only in hot chocolate and oatmeal. That is the sum total of everything more more less healthy.<br><br>
He also tends to be very restless at the table and would get up and down 20 times if we let him. Making him stay (as we do - he's allowed to get down only once) increases the conflict. We always try to eat together as a family, but sometimes it is tough, what with the staged meals and the restlessness.<br><br>
I honestly believe that this is largely a power thing, rather than a matter of him really liking things or not. For instance, some days he will eat broccoli and tell me it was really yummy. The next he will not eat it come hell or high water. Fruit, yes he likes it, but he will always try to hold out for something "better". He sees that DH and I are anything but relaxed about this problem, and that is fuel for the power fire!<br><br>
Approach: Some time ago we decided to start each meal with just the veg (broccoli, broccoli and more broccoli), so that he's hungry and has no choice. Then the protein, and then the starch. (Obviously this ruins the enjoyability of our meals!) Our pediatrician at the time, a cool kind of doc, supported us on this because his diet was so extremely poor, and it sort of worked for a decent time, there was not too much conflict. But in the last few months the conflict has increased, and fairly often we reach a point where he eats nothing at all. If he doesn't eat his lunch we will re-serve it at dinner. Often he will then eat it, but whimpering and whinging. Other times, he will eat nothing at all, lunch or dinner, and just hold out for bland, easy breakfast. (Then he gets us up at 5 am because he's starving!) By the way, we generally try to eat together, though it is often difficult with the staged meals and the restlessness.<br><br>
My dilemma: I see the advice frequently that, particularly with this kind of intense child, one should never force them to eat anything, one should always serve a normal, nutritionally balanced meal, not one thing ahead of another, and leave it to them to ensure their own nutrition. We tried this for a week, and for a week he ate nothing but starch and a little bit of chicken, and we got desperate and went back to the previous approach. My concerns are 3: 1) that forcing him to eat things when he doesn't want to (even when it's power rather than taste) will turn him off them and won't want to eat them when he grows up; 2) that NOT forcing him to eat them will over-indulge his negative reaction to things, meaning that he never comes to understand that these things are really tasty (it is quite possible that he will NEVER try them); and 3) that he will suffer nutritionally, though we do supplement with vitamin drops. (That said, he is a healthy little guy, though pretty skinny!)<br><br>
My query: What do you all think? Should I follow the advice of letting him choose 100% and just live with it if (as seems likely) he never chooses the stuff you need for a balanced diet, relying on the vitamin supplements instead. Or should I, in this extreme case (because it really is extreme), continue to give him the fruit and veg on its own and then progress to the rest when he's finished that? And what about the nature of the things that I serve? There are so many things that I KNOW he will not eat. Should I continue to serve them irrespective? It's less clear cut if, for example, I prepare a stew with things he likes but then with red peppers or mushrooms so we have to sit for an hour watching him pick them out. But he will eat the chicken and the rice. Should I prepare the same dish but without these things that I know are doomed? And what about other dishes that are totally anathema to him? Like, what if DH and I are having salad for dinner? I know that serving him the salad means no dinner for DS....<br><br>
Please help!<br><br>
and SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!
My son is on the verge of turning 4 years old, and I am at a loss as to how to approach the dietary problems that we have. I'm sorry this is so long, but I would really like your feedback based on our exact circumstances<br><br>
Character: Using the language of Mary Sheedy's Sprited Child, my son is very, very intense, very persistent, generally negative first reaction to things. While in general character terms I'd say he's not too far out there (though definitely "more" everything than average), when it comes to food he really is at the extreme side of the scale. He goes through phases in his general behaviour - more defiant, less defiant; happier, whinier - but with food there is never any let up.<br><br>
Food - The only things he REALLY wants to eat are breads, plain rice, pasta (no tomato!), fries (no other kinds of potato, thank you!), with fried or grilled chicken or Asian-style pork. Anything else is a source of conflict. We started off okay when he was very little - he would eat all kinds of yummy pulse stews, broccoli, carrots, cheese, all kinds of fruit. Bit by bit, most of these things got dropped. Right now the only vegetable he will eat is broccoli and over the last couple of months even that has become a major struggle of wills. Fruit - only bananas, pears, apples, mango, mandarins and raspberries. And fruit always loses out if there are other options - it will simply remain on the plate. Yoghurt has been an advance, he now drinks a small bottle a day if the planets are aligned. Omelettes he eats, reluctantly. Cheese only if mixed into things and thus invisible, or parmesan on pasta. Milk, only in hot chocolate and oatmeal. That is the sum total of everything more more less healthy.<br><br>
He also tends to be very restless at the table and would get up and down 20 times if we let him. Making him stay (as we do - he's allowed to get down only once) increases the conflict. We always try to eat together as a family, but sometimes it is tough, what with the staged meals and the restlessness.<br><br>
I honestly believe that this is largely a power thing, rather than a matter of him really liking things or not. For instance, some days he will eat broccoli and tell me it was really yummy. The next he will not eat it come hell or high water. Fruit, yes he likes it, but he will always try to hold out for something "better". He sees that DH and I are anything but relaxed about this problem, and that is fuel for the power fire!<br><br>
Approach: Some time ago we decided to start each meal with just the veg (broccoli, broccoli and more broccoli), so that he's hungry and has no choice. Then the protein, and then the starch. (Obviously this ruins the enjoyability of our meals!) Our pediatrician at the time, a cool kind of doc, supported us on this because his diet was so extremely poor, and it sort of worked for a decent time, there was not too much conflict. But in the last few months the conflict has increased, and fairly often we reach a point where he eats nothing at all. If he doesn't eat his lunch we will re-serve it at dinner. Often he will then eat it, but whimpering and whinging. Other times, he will eat nothing at all, lunch or dinner, and just hold out for bland, easy breakfast. (Then he gets us up at 5 am because he's starving!) By the way, we generally try to eat together, though it is often difficult with the staged meals and the restlessness.<br><br>
My dilemma: I see the advice frequently that, particularly with this kind of intense child, one should never force them to eat anything, one should always serve a normal, nutritionally balanced meal, not one thing ahead of another, and leave it to them to ensure their own nutrition. We tried this for a week, and for a week he ate nothing but starch and a little bit of chicken, and we got desperate and went back to the previous approach. My concerns are 3: 1) that forcing him to eat things when he doesn't want to (even when it's power rather than taste) will turn him off them and won't want to eat them when he grows up; 2) that NOT forcing him to eat them will over-indulge his negative reaction to things, meaning that he never comes to understand that these things are really tasty (it is quite possible that he will NEVER try them); and 3) that he will suffer nutritionally, though we do supplement with vitamin drops. (That said, he is a healthy little guy, though pretty skinny!)<br><br>
My query: What do you all think? Should I follow the advice of letting him choose 100% and just live with it if (as seems likely) he never chooses the stuff you need for a balanced diet, relying on the vitamin supplements instead. Or should I, in this extreme case (because it really is extreme), continue to give him the fruit and veg on its own and then progress to the rest when he's finished that? And what about the nature of the things that I serve? There are so many things that I KNOW he will not eat. Should I continue to serve them irrespective? It's less clear cut if, for example, I prepare a stew with things he likes but then with red peppers or mushrooms so we have to sit for an hour watching him pick them out. But he will eat the chicken and the rice. Should I prepare the same dish but without these things that I know are doomed? And what about other dishes that are totally anathema to him? Like, what if DH and I are having salad for dinner? I know that serving him the salad means no dinner for DS....<br><br>
Please help!<br><br>
and SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!
