[peacechief]

My boys will be 3 this month, so we're looking into preschool for the Fall, which is making me think about school beyond that as well. We're in the process of signing them up for preschool at a Waldorf school where they could continue through 8th grade if we choose. After initially being really excited about it, I'm having some second thoughts, and have been trying to get some input. A lot of people are saying things like "you've got to find the right fit for the child", and "the school/method you most like is not necessarily the one that will best fit your child". And that's got me thinking, what if the best fit for one is not the best fit for the other? They've got very different personalities/temperaments, so I can see that being a possibility. But I can't really imagine separating them to send them to different schools, especially for preschool, which will be enough of a big deal and adjustment for them as is, since I've been home with them since birth.

Has anyone made the decision to send their twins to different schools? Why, how did it work... Or has anyone found that their twins might ideally thrive in different environments but not been willing to separate them, and if so, what did you do to make it work for both?

 

[Shuli]

Mine will be three in August and we are sending them to the local preschool in the neighborhood. For now I've decided to keep them together. They are so interdependant that it wouldn't make sense to seperate them now. They have been going to a private daycare for the past two years half time, so they are used to being away from me (those first few weeks were really tough on all of us). I will re-assess when they get to first grade. They both learn differently and have way different personalities, that I may have to seperate them when they start school. There is no point in getting yourself into a tizzy about it now. I was talking to another MoM with older kids and she said that she kept them together until the teacher said that it wasn't good for the children anymore. (fighting with each other, disrupting, competing in an unhealthy way). I would just take the "wait and see" approach and see how they do in group setting. No matter what anybody else says, these are your kids and you will follow your instincts.

 

[royaloakmi]

My 6 yo twins have been together in a Waldorf preschool and now in a Waldorf kindergarten. They are b/g twins, so it might be a bit different, but I have always felt they were treated as individuals and so far they are thriving. If it becomes apparent that one or both of them needs something different we will change.

In fact, while they obviously interact with eachother at school, they have never been "interdependent" as I've heard many twins are. Actually, many of their classmates don't even realize that they're twins (or brother/sister). (Obviously, as they get older, there will be more understanding about this.)

I would also say that, in a good Waldorf environment, the teacher will assess each child as an individual, and work with the parents to work on strengths and weaknesses for each.

I had a babysitter who was a twin and was with her twin in class together through third grade. She said they loved it, but in fourth grade they were ready to be apart and it was no big deal.

Don't worry about it too much yet - and if it ain't broke, don't fix it

 

[dbsam]

My b/g twins learn very differently and have completely different personalities. They are currently in a Montessori Kindy class I chose because it was a good fit for my daughter and felt my son would do fine in most classroom settings. We have recently gone through months of trying to decide what to do for school. I have been working with a group to organize a charter school which is opening in the fall. My daughter has been doing great and her confidence and happiness has increased tremendously at the Montessori school, but we had planned to send them to the charter school. So…originally we decided to send them to separate schools; my daughter to Montessori and my son to the charter school. Then we decided to keep them where they are at Montessori; as royaloakmi mentioned 'if it isn't broke, don't fix it'. Ultimately we've decided to send them to the charter school knowing if either doesn't do well we will reconsider Montessori or home schooling. We'd prefer not to separate them in different schools.

Regarding being in the same class…they do fine, are not dependent upon each other, treated as individuals and have their own friends. I think it gives them a little confidence and security being in the same class and they look out for one another. From a selfish point of view, it is much easier for me to have them in the same class - for volunteering, teacher meetings, etc.

 

[hergrace]

I sent my kids to the same one-room preschool this year and am sending them to a Montessori school next year where they will be separated. I think they will all do well in the Montessori setting, though it might not be my first choice for one of them. They don't play together at their current school, so I was not worried about their interactions with each other. I have noticed that however hard the teachers try, they still lump them together more than I would like, so I am choosing to separate them so they really get treated as individuals.

I have a friend with grade 4 twins and they are actually at different schools this year. One of them really needed to be moved to the congregated gifted program in a different school. The other qualified for the gifted program but was borderline and chose to stay at her previous school because things were working fine. It was going really well the last time I asked about the girls. They had been in separate classes for a couple of years because my friend hated having the smart one compared negatively to the brilliant one.

 

[Missie]

My twins just turned 3 this past December, and so I have been thinking about this some. My personal feeling is that it depends on how they interact and mine confuse me as to separate or not.

one minute they will be uber helpful to each other and the other its an all out brawl. There is a size difference and they have been treated almost as an older and younger because the smaller had more special needs so the bigger/"older" twins tends to help her sister out, sometimes too much.

I think Faith, (older) would be likely to complete Crismas' work for her at the expense of her own. I think competition would set in and comparisons would also. Faith is more outspoken. I think all of these reasons dictate a separation. They are both very social so I don't think going would be an issue.

You might be surprised that being with other kids will outrank you, sorry to say. When my oldest child was first placed in daycare he was running excitedly at the door saying "YAY KIDS". He even would start saying that when he saw the building before we pulled into the parking lot. Funny thing was he was around other kids..cousins, kids of my friends, etc when he wasn't at the day care.

I still have a year before they are old enough for the headstart where we live to worry about it though. Seeing them mature into 4 year olds will help a lot in making this decision I am sure.