Mothering Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
500 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've read "Adventures in Tandem Nursing" and "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" so I know these feelings are normal, but I just wanted to vent a little, I guess. I'm starting to have real trouble nursing both my dd's at once lately. Ashley's now 2 months old, and I used to be able to nurse them together just fine, but the past week or so has been extremely difficult. Ashley wants to be positioned just so, and Sarah constantly wants to fondle me while she nurses, and it's just been sensory overload lately. Sarah's nursing is what gets under my skin. It's just like it's uncomfortably sensual to the point that it really annoys me. Sometimes I think I'd rather be in pain than feel that way. It doesn't feel that way when I nurse her by herself, but with the two of them--grrr, I just have to grit my teeth sometimes and try to let my mind wander. Then I feel guilty for not enjoying nursing them. Even though it's not her fault, it's sometimes hard not to feel angry at Sarah, and then I feel guilty for that, too. But the problem is, I just don't know how else to get them to sleep for naps and bedtime. Sometimes dh can hold the baby at bedtime while I nurse Sarah, and then switch, but at naptime, he's at work, and Ashley's not content by herself long enough for me to get Sarah to sleep. So I just have to struggle with these feelings instead... AHHHH, Why was it easy for a while and now so hard????
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
175 Posts
It IS hard. I ended up finding that some times of day I could tolerate it quite well and other times I just couldn't. You do the best you can. If you can figure out which, if any, nursings you especially handle tandemming well, you might try to cut out the other ones. We ended up tandemming at bedtime and waking (and for a while, at naptime, though the older one didn't really nap much) and no other times, but it took probably 6 months to get there. But once we were on to just those nursings for the older DD, I was happy nursing them together for about a year, until we threw a weaning party for the big nursling.<br><br>
The first few months are really tough, but I really think it does pay off in the long run for sibling issues and also just generally, especially for your relationship with the older child.<br><br>
Nancy<br>
mom to Emily (4.5) and Hazel (21 months and very "Two")
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,196 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Been there, done that. You're doing better than me. I couldnt nurse the two at the same time, ever. It just drove me insane.<br><br>
I had to nurse them separately, but still felt the same irritation - almost pain - that you describe. Only with my older child though. I gritted my teeth, set some limits after a while, and gradually weaned her (it took over a year, but became more bearable as she cut back).<br><br>
I don't think I"m being much help, except to say that it is fairly common imo. Trouble is that the books (and the LLL ime) downplay it and the intensity of how it can feel. It can make you feel guilty, and you shouldn't. If it is any help, my girls have a wonderful relationship - right now they are playing together soooo happily. They hate to be apart and just adore one another. I'm sure that ebf and tn had something to do with that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
500 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you, ladies, for helping me feel that I am not alone with this. And also for the reassurance that my girls should share a close relationship someday. Right now it's hard to see that big picture, especially because there are times when Sarah will seem to have no interest in nursing and then as soon as she sees Ashley nurse, it's suddenly "boosies, too?" So then I wonder if all the stuff they say about it lessening jealousy is actually true because sometimes it seems to heighten it. But then again, I don't know what she'd do instead if she weren't nursing... Like if she saw the baby nursing and felt displaced but she didn't have the option of nursing, too, maybe she'd just tear apart her toys or throw a tantrum or something instead. Sometimes I forget that it could be worse, especially when relatives are over who are unfamiliar with or skeptical of tandem nursing. They don't say so directly, but they hint that perhaps I'm causing more problems for Sarah adjusting to having a sibling by not weaning her. Then when you have these odd feelings while nursing them both, you sometimes lose sight of the positives. Thanks for reminding me, and empathizing.
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top