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I am in a little snit because... oh... lots of things that are interrelated. I'm missing my best friend's wedding because right around the time I was conceiving, she picked a wedding date that turned out to be a week before my due date. And it's wayyyyyy out of town. And I think she's kind of upset with me about it, even though she hasn't quite said it.<br><br>
And the other day she said something to me on the phone that has really bothered me since. Something to the effect of, oh, all new parents talk about their kids nonstop. And I realize I can't predict this, but I feel like if anybody has a shot at maintaining a balanced life at least in terms of not boring friends with baby stories, it's me and DH. But she was all adamant, telling me how her coworkers with babies all just got so wrapped up in their babies it was ALL they could talk about. She didn't SAY that was annoying, but I inferred it...<br><br>
I just feel like I have nobody to really talk to about the pregnancy IRL because NONE of my IRL friends have babies (well, one does, but she lives far away). And I feel like everything is going to change once I have this baby and we are not going to have things in common anymore. I was hanging out on this girly getaway weekend a couple months ago with the best friend and two other close friends, and we were having such fun, and I said something like, "we can still do stuff like this after I have the baby, right?" And another friend said, "That's up to you."<br><br>
Which, I mean, it is, sure, but it's KIND OF also up to them too, right? They can make an effort to be nice and ask about how I'm doing and include me in things even if it's hard because I have a baby?<br><br>
I think I'm overreacting because I'm just superemotional right now, but I'm scared everything will change with my friends, and it's silly, but I just wish they would hurry up and have kids so I didn't feel so alone in this! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Now I'm all weepy. I think I'll go sniffle into DH's shoulder. He is used to it by now. We saw the Narnia movie recently and during the Blitz bombing scene (scared kids) and the train station scene (sad kids and moms being separated) I cried so hard I thought I was going to have to leave the movie theater.<br><br>
Help, mamas! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Mimi-that sounds really stinky. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I was the first of my "group" to have a baby also and my SIL is going through much the same thing right now. To be honest, I really grew apart from many of my friends after having children and now have close friends with children close my my kids' ages. It just kind of works out that way. It's very difficult after the baby is born b/c your life isn't yours anymore-your baby is completely dependent upon you and your life becomes centered about him/her. This is very difficult for non-parents (or non-AP parents) to understand. They don't see what the big deal is with leaving a 6 week old baby with a sitter for several hours. I remember being the same way until I had my first child. Becoming a parent changes your life in so many ways, most of them wonderful, but some are unexpectedly not-so-great. Even when I go for a girls' night out with other moms, we end up talking about our kids and kid stuff. It's just where we are in our lives right now, kwim? I have one friend from pre-baby days that doesn't want to have kids and we just don't "get" each other anymore. She is still special to me and we keep in touch, but we're not close anymore and I think we're both OK with that.<br>
I'm not sure if I am any help to you, but I do want you to know that I understand. You are about to experience the single most amazing thing and it WILL profoundly change you. You can't expect everything to be exactly the same after that, kwim? And if that doesn't change things, having a toddler will! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I'm sorry this is happening to you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I feel the same way, but have for some time. It all started when I got married. My friends are in an entirely different place then I am. They're still partying, enjoying college, dating different guys, etc. I feel like the boring, weird, alternative freak.<br><br>
But I like who I am and that I am having a baby in September. I wouldn't change it for the world. Sometimes it takes things like this to make us realize that there are other people out there we could connect with...people who have the same lifestyle as us. It's hard when we grow apart from the friends we have known and loved for so long, but it does happen.<br><br>
Try to find a balance. I'm sure when the baby is born, they'll all be drooling over him/her in a second. Maybe it will make them realize how much they envy your lifestyle?! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Hang in there. All I can say is, at least we have MDC!!!
 

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Sorry you're having to deal with all these issues right now. The change from childless to parent is a HUGE one with LOTS of changes.<br><br>
You could very keep relationships that you had pre-baby, and you could also very well find a balance in keeping your baby stories to a minimum in conversations.<br><br>
But I think having a baby changes relationships and conversations whether you intend them to or not. And you don't have to feel bad about this!<br><br>
I was very set on not being like one of those "new moms" who talks about her baby all the time. And I did okay with this for a little while, but it took too much energy is. The truth was, I changed. The only things I WANTED to talk about were my baby and breastfeeding and other things associated with parenting. Heck, even when DH go out to dinner alone, we talk about our daughter 95% of the time then can't wait to get back to see her!<br><br>
Our friendships changed, too. Except for one childless friend who is from a huge family with a TON of kids around, we no longer identified with our childless friends and they didn't identify with us either. We still keep in touch with b-day and X-mas cards, and occassional wedding, but we don't hang out anymore. But, we re-connected with friends who had children and made new friends with couple who had children.<br><br>
I grieved my pre-baby days a little bit (heck, I still do when I want to get dressed up and go dancing and bar-hopping), but I'm a mom now and I LOVE it and I love my dd and our new little baby, and I love this little family we created. Outside relationships just aren't as high on my priority list anymore.<br><br>
I think my experience is fairly typical.<br><br>
I guess I'm trying to say, don't worry about it. There WILL be changes whether you intend them or not, but things will work out and you will find a new normal, a place where you are comfortable, and relationships that work.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Our friendships changed, too.....we no longer identified with our childless friends and they didn't identify with us either. We still keep in touch .... but we don't hang out anymore. But, we re-connected with friends who had children and made new friends with couple who had children.</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I grieved my pre-baby days a little bit (heck, I still do when I want to get dressed up and go dancing and bar-hopping), but I'm a mom now and I LOVE it ....and I love this little family we created. Outside relationships just aren't as high on my priority list anymore.</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I think my experience is fairly typical.</td>
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Yep! I totally agree, Thats why I quoted almost your entire post <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>andrea</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Yep! I totally agree, Thats why I quoted almost your entire post <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Sorry you're feeling sad and worried, Mimi! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I wish there were some reassurance I could give to you that things will be exactly the same with your unmarried childless friends and that your life will be just like before except plus a baby, but it probably won't happen like that. The good thing is that life as a mom is a whole new stage in life with new rewards and new challenges!<br><br>
I was also the first of my group of friends to have a baby, and while we might not have as much in common as we did before, I certainly haven't drifted away from them. I still stay in touch with all my friends and the occasional girls' brunch out is so refreshing to me! And yes, my friends have made efforts on their parts to ask me how things are going with ds (although I'm sure they don't really care about the minute details of managing life with a child that dominate my days) and plan ways to see each other that accommodate ds's needs. The friends I lost touch with were the ones who were not that important to me anyway - like the people who I used to play volleyball with on weeknights at 8pm. I can tell you THAT'S not an activity high on my priority list anymore, much as I might miss it.<br><br>
I have also made new mommy friends, and I like having both sets of friends. One set reminds me that I was a person before ds came along and one set shares my current common interests and is happy to plan get-togethers at 9:30 am! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> From someone who was never a morning person before that still cracks me up when I make those plans... One of the best things that I think any new mom can do is to go out and meet other new moms - even if you don't deliver at a hospital, many hospitals sponsor new moms groups, some libraries have laptime programs, go to LLL, look for playgroups. It will make you feel so much better to be around other people who are experiencing the same situation that you are!<br><br>
Big <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">!
 

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Get online, especially Yahoo! groups and search for mommy groups around your area. You may even be able to find AP parenting groups. Join La Leche League, too. You will meet many new people and it can really be rewarding to make new mommy friends with babies the same age as yours.
 
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