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Discussion Starter #1
I'll try to keep this short and to the point. (after another lovely "moment' with DH)<br><br>
The whole point of tonight's fiasco is: I am SICK TO DEATH of being the "policewoman" with the kids.<br><br>
He goes to work, he comes home, he gives them candy, he plays with and talks to them, they go to bed. That is his day. Oh and on the weekends, he'll take them to the park, the zoo, buy them the fast-food I say no to during most of the week (because you just can't eat like that *all* the time!) and go grocery shopping--which consists of him bringing home *all* the treats they like every time--we are talking several boxes of cookies, bags of chips, candy, and usually some sort of cake or rolls too. Despite the fact that I have asked especially not to have the expensive bought-baked stuff because *I* love to bake with the kids and I don't want the Crisco that's in that stuff in my house.<br><br>
MY day involves referree-ing about 45 sibling squabbles and enforcing the few rules I have---rules he AGREES with.<br><br>
We also live in a neighborhood where it's near impossible to enforce the rules because most of the kids here do not have any rules. My kids see that and want to be like them.<br><br>
(I am not talking about being "overly strict" at all. I am talking about not letting children under the age of 6 ride bikes in a parking lot. Or play behind the building, where there is a large standing pond--no idea how deep, but nasty standing water. Or go over to the little playground alone, because that is *supposed* to be the rules where we live, but almost nobody actually follows it.) Typically what I do is when they are out in the evening, if they break a rule, they come in for the night.<br><br>
I know that I'm the parent who stays home and he is the parent who works. But right now, when it comes to discipline--other than the ONE rule he does enforce about no drinks in the living room--I feel like this is a 95-5 split. I'd be *much* happier with 75-25. (I know 5050 just won't be it, I mean how can it be when I'm the one who's here all day?)<br><br>
I think that my oldest would argue less with me about the rules if he saw his dad come outside--when he is home--once in awhile--and tell him that he has to come in for the evening because he chose to ride his bike in the road. Or whatever.<br><br>
Am I asking for too darn much for him to *sometimes* when he is here and he sees the problem--to get off his butt and go outside and enforce a rule? WITHOUT me having to point it out and ask him to do it? Or go outside myself and tell them they need to come in--and they refuse, so I go get him?!<br><br>
I think they NEED to see him also enforcing the rules I've set...anyone else?
 

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Did you guys agree on the rules together? I wonder whether he just doesn't think the things they are doing are a big deal?
 

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Before my dh decided he was 'done' with me, and started deliberately undermining me, two books really helped. The dr. sears discipline book and the seven habits of successful families. I don't remember which book it was, but one of them has a procedure to set up a series of family meetings which looks at who is doing what in the marriage/home front and what the actual responsiibilities are...the whole family looks and figures it out together over a month or so. THat really helped him see that a lot went on behind the scenes that he didn't notice, and showed him how what he thought were minor infractions undermined the whole works (he hadn't really thought about their being a big picture until we did that exercise).
 

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Things are similar around here. I am the No parent.<br><br>
I can't let them watch much TV because I know it will be on most of the time when Daddy is home.<br><br>
I have to monitor nutritious food intake because Daddy will feed them carbs and sugar when I am not around.<br><br>
I have to hang around and push everyone towards bed at a reasonable hour even when Daddy is handling bedtime.<br><br>
I have to remind about manners and being polite because... well you get the point.<br><br>
I think I have higher standards than DH. He thinks I am too hard on the kids.
 

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What if you had a family evening together on a weekday? With board games and songs and a discussion about something pertinent. Mormons do it and I love it. Would your husband be on board with that? Then the children would see a more united front and it wouldn't be weekend fun time.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">: sorry I am laughing because the last time I attempted a board game with the older two, all they wanted to do was play-run their little candyland people up to the castle as fast as they could! (they are 5 and 3, and according to ds1's teacher, he plays CL at school with the other kids the 'traditional' way.)<br><br>
the last couple days it's been raining so they stay in that helps because there's no issue of who's going to watch and enforce outdoor rules. I've been 'sneaking away' sometimes--like now, like last night to take a shower..(great because I also can't hear them!)<br><br>
I also have to sort of push sometimes toward a reasonable bedtime on 'school' nights. other times though he is really good with 8:30ish.
 

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I've often been frustrated with board games too. But they don't have to play them the "right" way. Maybe something like mancala or apples to apples jr. Or just silly games like Simon Says.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I think we would do a lot better with something like Simon Says. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Thanks, I forgot about something like that. I get kind of frustrated/bored/annoyed with board games like CL because they want to do their own thing like that, they don't really want me to play, but they want me to sit there. ugh. That and the baby is more active now and wants in but doesn't want to it their way necessairly...so that adds a whole new level of "fun" to it.<br><br>
I am definently going to try out a little duck duck goose, simon says, redlight/greenlight though....
 
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